02-29-2008, 08:26 AM
Hi, I'm new here, so I'll try not to piss anyone off. No promises, though.
I only recently discovered Gilmartin's book. I'm real cautious when it comes to labels, because they tend to become prescriptive as well as descriptive; so I'm still reflecting on the "male lesbian" concept as it applies to me. Technically, it doesn't anymore, because I'm married now; but when I was still a single male, it fit me like a glove. And my personality hasn't changed all that much since then.
In addition to the many traits listed by Gilmartin, I have a few others. My wife has a gay friend who describes me as the "gayest straight man" he knows, and has told her privately that he can't figure me out. Personally, I think this ties in with another comment made by others, that I am extremely close to my "feminine side." My suspicion is that what he's seeing is my inner female, juxtaposed with my outer male, and can't understand why I'm not gay.
I've been collecting lesbian cinema for several years -- the genuine article, not the crap made for straight men -- and am now branching out into the literature. (I *loved* Patience & Sarah!) I've never understood the attraction; I assumed that I identified with it in some way, but never put it together with the wish I'd been born female.
I definitely do not expect acceptance as any sort of lesbian by the female lesbian community. It's not that I feel I don't deserve to be recognized as such -- assuming the label does apply to me -- but I recognize how hard many lesbians have had to struggle to be where they are today, how much of a threat straight men are, and how difficult it has been for them to claim and own the word with pride. I really don't feel the need for that sort of acceptance, anyway; but I do want to understand myself, and Gilmartin's book, and the label, help me to do that.
So, while I don't plan to advertise myself as a secret sister
I will think of myself that way, from time to time, if only to clear my head. Oh, and if I'm lucky, in my next incarnation, that lipstick lesbian you see giving you the once-over as you pass her in the street just might be me.
I only recently discovered Gilmartin's book. I'm real cautious when it comes to labels, because they tend to become prescriptive as well as descriptive; so I'm still reflecting on the "male lesbian" concept as it applies to me. Technically, it doesn't anymore, because I'm married now; but when I was still a single male, it fit me like a glove. And my personality hasn't changed all that much since then.
In addition to the many traits listed by Gilmartin, I have a few others. My wife has a gay friend who describes me as the "gayest straight man" he knows, and has told her privately that he can't figure me out. Personally, I think this ties in with another comment made by others, that I am extremely close to my "feminine side." My suspicion is that what he's seeing is my inner female, juxtaposed with my outer male, and can't understand why I'm not gay.
I've been collecting lesbian cinema for several years -- the genuine article, not the crap made for straight men -- and am now branching out into the literature. (I *loved* Patience & Sarah!) I've never understood the attraction; I assumed that I identified with it in some way, but never put it together with the wish I'd been born female.
I definitely do not expect acceptance as any sort of lesbian by the female lesbian community. It's not that I feel I don't deserve to be recognized as such -- assuming the label does apply to me -- but I recognize how hard many lesbians have had to struggle to be where they are today, how much of a threat straight men are, and how difficult it has been for them to claim and own the word with pride. I really don't feel the need for that sort of acceptance, anyway; but I do want to understand myself, and Gilmartin's book, and the label, help me to do that.
So, while I don't plan to advertise myself as a secret sister
I will think of myself that way, from time to time, if only to clear my head. Oh, and if I'm lucky, in my next incarnation, that lipstick lesbian you see giving you the once-over as you pass her in the street just might be me.
I suppose it is just like it was when we were young, and people used 'queer' and 'cretin' as insults. As a child I had no idea that those words had other meanings - they were just noises, like 'flip' or 'heck'!