Dam! I've been invited to yet another 'leaving do' at work.
I hate going to this type of social gathering--and hate the pressure placed on me to attend.
Why do they want me there? The chances are I'll never see the person again--and was never that close to them in the first place.
These's an added complication this time:- as recently I attended the leaving do of someone else--someone of whom I was quite fond. But of course this has set a dangerous president--now I'm expected to attend all such events.
Here's the end part to the email I received inviting me to this most recent event:-
"If you would care to join me please do or I may look like a bit of a loner!!!! Xxx"
--nothing wrong with being a loner (even with four exclamation marks!!!!)
Should I attend and risk spending the time trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant--while others make chit-chat? I usually feel like an outsider: I have trouble keeping track of what everyone is saying. The higher the noise level the more I mishear stuff--smile and nod--pretend to hear--and hope they don't expect a response.
Does anyone else hate leaving dos?
Ehum…very suspicious.
I wonder why everyone is leaving?--perhaps they know something I don't.
To use an idiom:-alectrum likes idioms-- 'Rats deserting a sinking ship'.
I thought it was only the captain who went down with the ship.
I hate leaving dos, except if it concerns somebody I really like. There are more types of social gatherings, for example when I have visitors from the US (they stay for a few days) they ask me to go and have dinner with them. Usually on such a day I already had a longer working day than usual. So when they ask I simply say no. Some years ago, my first boss said the next day "you should have gone". I said "Oh". Nothing more.
I ignore expectations and only go when I want. No is very simple word. If they try to convince you, act like a broken record. Keep saying "No, I prefer to .....".
Most of the time, for social gatherings you know the date long before. Plan your holiday on that date (I know you have a family, for me it's easier to change my planning).
Depends on the leaving do. If it is someone I know and like and there is at least one other person I feel comfortable enough talking to, I would go. If you don't like the person, don't go - that's what I would suggest.
If you don't know them well, it depends. Maybe if you take a book or a mp3 or Ipod with earplugs, you could survive the do. But if you really don't want to go, that's your prerogative too. Do they send around a card for people to sign. You could always write a nice message in the card if they do.
There's a leaving-do in my department on Friday, but I don't know the man very well, I've only ever spoken to him once or twice very briefly. So I don't know if it's really worth my while going along. I'd probably only get bored stiff, like I did the last time I went to someone's leaving-do.
Well in that case, it's probably better not to go.
"Prior engagement" covers everything from a real prior commitment to your need to wash your hair that night. That is, in the event that you can’t be bothered or just don’t want to, the phrase for this is still “I’m so sorry, I have a prior engagment.”
I'm reading over this site
http://geeketiquette.com/ to see what I think of it, but it seems rather complicated. Interestingly, they've asked where to get information on aspies to incorporate it into the site.
In the end I did go to the leaving do, but I only stayed for one drink, and I stuck with the girls in my immediate part of the team (I didn't mix with anyone from the wider department, as most of them don't speak to me anyway).
I was dreading going because I wasn't sure if anyone would speak to me (you may remember I posted a few weeks ago saying that I had gone to a leaving do but no-one really talked to me). Luckily this time, the people in my immediate team spoke to me more. A couple of them only stayed for one drink too, in fact they left before me, so once I finished my drink, I thought I may as well leave too.
On a Friday evening, I feel tired from the week's work, and usually all I want to do is go home. But as the others specifically asked me if I would go to the leaving do, I thought I may as well go for a little while.
"Prior engagement" covers everything from a real prior commitment to your need to wash your hair that night. That is, in the event that you can’t be bothered or just don’t want to, the phrase for this is still “I’m so sorry, I have a prior engagment.”
I'm reading over this site
http://geeketiquette.com/ to see what I think of it, but it seems rather complicated. Interestingly, they've asked where to get information on aspies to incorporate it into the site.
That sounds like good advice, but the problem is a lot of people might think that "I'm so sorry, I have a prior engagement" sounds rather posh, so I'm worried people might think it's funny if I said that.
A lot of people have suggested I should say "Sorry, I've already made plans" when someone invites me to a party and I don't want to go. The trouble is, I don't like the idea of saying that, in case the other person asks me to elaborate on my plans, and then I'd be caught out as most of the time I don't have any plans anyway.
Well, one good compromise is to go but just for a little while and if it isn't working out too well, it might be possible to say you have to leave early as you're feeling very tired.