Does anyone do this? My typical pattern of eye contact when talking to someone starts with a scared glance at their face which I hold until I just can't take it anymore (at most a second or two). Then I look down at the their left shoulder until I realize that I'm looking at their left shoulder, thinking that it must look pretty weird. After that I completely lose it and my eyes get jittery and don't stay in one spot. I end up looking all the around the room and losing complete track of the conversation, which is hard enough as it is.
(I have patterns like these for other things too, like walking. If I think about how I'm walking, I get perfectionist about it which just makes it worse, and it digresses from there.)
It's almost like a routine now. But I feel weird both when I do it and when I don't, in different ways. Staring at their shoulder is a nice compromise in my view; it's not eye contact, but I'm still looking at their body. Since I'd have to explain this, it's not much of a compromise.
Also, does anyone feel that eye contact is easier in group situations? My speaking skills get worse as the number of people increases, but my eye contact gets better.
....yes I stare at shoulders while talking I also shift in my seat or stare off to the side and rub my eyes from time to time, and keep my head or at least my eyes moving.
It helps.
When I was in the Army, I never got the, "Who you eyeballin' private??" speach!
When I was in the Army, I never got the, "Who you eyeballin' private??" speach!
In general, I'd say aspie and army probably don't mix well. Of course, we don't mix well with most things anyway.
When I was in the Army, I never got the, "Who you eyeballin' private??" speach!
In general, I'd say aspie and army probably don't mix well. Of course, we don't mix well with most things anyway.
Good point! I did have a few anxious moments during public speaking, etc.
I was a file clerk, and got to stay to myself and get my job done
It was bad, but not Iraq bad!
"Look at me, while I'm talking to you!"
Ever heard that?
Only my close friends and family know, that I'm still istening, while my eyes move to all kinds of other places in the room.
I don't like shoulders too much, they're allways moving.
But it could be a good trick, because it's not so far from the face.
I'll try it out today
"Look at me, while I'm talking to you!"
Ever heard that?
Oh yeah!! Been on the receiving end of that since elementary school. sheech
Good luck Doc.
When I HAVE to make eye contact, like for a job interview, etc. I stare squarly at the eyebrows, forehead. It's so close that most people don't notice!
I read that most aspies look at the speaker's mouth when s/he's talking
I read that most aspies look at the speaker's mouth when s/he's talking
I hardly look at the speaker at all. Or if, I look at him/her from the side.
Most of the times I let my eyes wander in the room.
"Look at me, while I'm talking to you!"
Ever heard that?
Yeah, even from my dad who is an aspie. Yesterday, I was finally like, "come on, dad. you know it's a symptom. at least try to stop saying it."
I don't really pay attention to where I am looking, though I do like to look at the person who I am talking to if there are lots of people. Usually it is at their mouth or chest. When I was a kid, people told me off for it, but now people don't say anything about it as long as they know I am paying attention.
I wear reading glasses at work. If I have to glance up at someone talking to me, I can't see anything but a blur. That was an unexpected benefit.
Here's one for you to try. Anyone see CSI Miami?. Check out what the character Horatio often does. Try standing slightly to the side of them and feel free to look down or slightly to side instead of at them, shake your head as to acknowledge that you are listening to their words. Every once in awhile you can look up at them briefly in the face as you issue a verbal acknowledgment or response. If you do it right they'll be sure to think you are listening intently. If anyone asks about the noneye contact simply say that you are focusing on their words. As added affect you can even rephrase something they just said and say it back to them, such as "so you think.... go one, i'm listening. They will then know you are listening and the eye contact won't seem so important to the exchange. Mom
P.S. If anyone tries it, let me know how you fared with it. Mom
When I was younger I also had problems with eye contact. I would always look away when talking to somebody(both relatives and strangers). As I have grown older(I'm 25 now) I started to be evil, and that led to not giving a damn about NT's. So now I just stare at their eyes(especially when talking to strangers) without giving a damn about them and it doesnt bother me. Sometimes that bothers them and they start acting like how I acted when I was young(looking away, trying to look back at the other guy's eyes, finding it hard and looking away again etc). I find that funny
It's probably because I stare at their eyes different than NT's. Sometimes some NT's don't have a problem and they stare back at me which doesnt bother me anymore. I think the only reason I don't have a problem with eye contact anymore is because I don't really care about other people and I see NT's as lower than I used to when I was young.
I actually may have a swifting look , When I feel uncofortable I may see to the ground or elsewhere, although i try for always short glimpses to look other sin the eyes.