I have an adult brother that may have asperger's at least that is what his therapist says, I am trying to get him formally diagnosed so he can qualify for services. I am having difficulties. My mom is in complete denial. I had no idea growing up how different he was because I am just a few years older than him but I remember my mom not wanting him to go to special ed classes. Her comments would be so harsh, "he's not stupid, he's normal." I feel if he would have gotten the adequate help as a child, then maybe he wouldn't be having so many problems today. It makes me resent my mother to this day. Although I feel she may have a mental disorder. So maybe she had no clue. I feel very frustrated because I so desperately want to help him and cannot find a place to get him diagnosed. He has no medical insurance. He is high functioning so many places like regional center cannot help or so that's what have been told, it really upsets me! Please does anyone know of where I can get him help? He wants some peace, he said (and I also think it is a good idea) that he wouldn't mind living in a group home. I am afraid that he might be too HF for this. He wants to be in a home because he cannot live with my mom (I don't think anyone can) she knit picks at everything! She even tucks in his shirt for him and he hates that! He also does not have good judgement or common sense. He will trust anything that someone says. He loves to help people but has gotten in trouble for it many times. Once he was coming to get something that he forgot from my house, he was on a bus and decided to help an elderly lady off the bus, well the bus left him. Then he found out he had probably left his wallet on the bus. He didn't call me, he decided to walk to my house (probably more than 10 miles) because he had no money to call me. I had already told him he could make collect calls! Anyway, he didn't reach my house until 2 am. I was scared because I didn't even know he was coming. This kind of thing happens to him all the time. I really fear that he will get hurt. Please help me get him help! I feel alone because my mom just tells me that he's fine, I know he is not, he knows he is not. I don't know what to do!
write such things on a card like an index card and lamanate it. then give it to him. on the card should say some thing like:
if you get left by the bus and think you left your wallet on it: do call me if you have no money make a collect call. i will come get you. Dont just walk without calling me.for it a long way to my home.
have him carry two copies one in him wallet the other one on him person so he'll alway have them.
We don't know where you are
We don't know where you are
Sorry I forgot to tell you. We live in los angeles, ca.
thank you for all your help. It is greatly appreciated!
It will be interesting to get more responses from the adult Apsies on this site, but I'm not sure there are that many services to access at this point in his life. I don't expect my son to receive any services once he has left school.
The big push with Aspies in California seems to be to get them through school learning how to compensate as much as possible in the most important areas. My son gets helps with social skills, occupational therapy, and acedemics in his weakest areas, plus meets with a counselor to discuss how he feels about the difficulties he encounters. After that, it's about finding the road that suits him. He will be perfectly capable of earning a decent living, everyone believes, because he is so smart and creative. Just, well, he'll always be quite a bit the absent minded professor type, who spaces out when least expected in the NT world.
I think helping your brother set up his life to minimize his disabilities and emphasize his strengths will give him the best chance. If day to day things are difficult, a roommate may be a good choice. It may not need to be a monitored group home as much as knowing that someone else understands his quirks and has an eye out. For every worry you have, ask yourself, "is there a way to structure his life so that this becomes less of an issue?" That is exactly what my son and I do already, day to day, with life in his childhood.
People on this site will tell you, there isn't anything "wrong" with your brother, but with a world that refuses to adapt to his needs and realities. Well, the world isn't going to change. But not every pocket of it is exactly the same. Help him move himself into the pockets that will work best for him.
Not to say you should stop looking for a way to get him diagnosed and into services. If that is what he wants also (what he wants here is very important), then keep looking. But, your main effort should just be to observe and listen, and then help him accomodate, IMHO. As a parent of an Aspie, I am learning that that is the "service" my son needs most. 90% of it. Just someone who can understand him, understand the world, and help him find a way to meet life halfway.
Fine, but where does that leave adults who never got the help they needed when they were young. Do they just flounder on? I think that is what this lady is so worried about.
Oh, I meant to add that the world won't change to accommodate our needs unless we do some lobbying to force change and educate the general public.
Fine, but where does that leave adults who never got the help they needed when they were young. Do they just flounder on? I think that is what this lady is so worried about.
Yes, this is exactly what I am talking about. From what I have read, there is not much research on asperger's. People are just starting to find out more now. Even his therapist told me that it was just renamed. It is frustrating, it seems like the adults are left to fend for themselves and that is not right. He is not able to make adult decisions, that is the problem and I worry everyday. Of course I support him and ask him what he wants. HE does want help. He wants marriage, children etc. He wants his life to be as close to what you and I call "normal". He deserves that. He has such a good heart and intentions. It is not fair that there is minimal help for adults. I guess it is up to us to change this. I was thinking of starting a non profit organization for adults with asperger's specifically, in california. I am frustrated and angry at our government, I think doing something about will help my brother more. I know it will be a challenge but i have to try! Thanks again for all your advice!