. I am capable of talking about the weather though... I almost always disagree with the ruling opinion and its OK.
I hate sunshine. It burns my eyes and skin.
But my real problem in smalltalk is that, since I am anoyed by smalltalk, I instinctively feel that they would be anoyed also. Part of me cannot believe that people want smalltalk, no matter how much I know that they do. It's like finding out that people like to be punched in the face. I still couldn't get myself to do it, and even if I could, I would dread them doing it back to me.
Interacting with people who differ from me in both opinions and behavioral preferences gives me the creeps.
Zylon
The strange thing is that when you try to engage them with an in depth discussion about something relevant or interesting their eyes glaze over--and they start to look for the door (like an confirmed atheist confronted by a Jehovah’s witness).
Each brain has its own interests. Therefore, the only strange thing is that people differ in what they find interesting. There is no law of neurology saying what must be interesting. Unless their intelligence is high enough to understand scientific concepts, NTs are usually just interested in social things and not in the physical world around them, unless that is necessary for their work. That is just the way their brains are built. But my eyes glaze over whenever I hear their social nonsense.
Zylon
But my question is, what exactly does small talk include. I need help with topics in small talk besides asking "What's the weather like?" or "How are you?"
Small talk questions that are still acceptable, but allow you to lead onto interesting topics are - what did you do on the weekend?, have you seen any good movies/read any good books lately?, have you ever been overseas?, complimenting somebody on their hair/clothing/jewellery.
The trick then is to use these to find a common interest or interesting topic, so for the movies one, you could recommend a movie you think they might like or allow them to recommend one they think you would like.
i used 2 hate small talk at school, i used to think whats the point
I think that animals (unless you don't like them) are a safe and nice topic for a small talk since many people have a pet at home. Also, it doesn't really require any more rituals than a simple question like "Hey, do you've got any pets?". Then you babble about pets, probably listen to even more babbling from the partner - from my observations, it seems to be considered as normal...
And also, if you're having a talk with a classmate you don't really know, ask questions about teachers and subjects. You will almost always be able to find a teacher who is just SO unfair/stupid/irritating for your partner; and a subject that's for losers and could never be useful in adult life.
The less something is ideal, the better topic for a small talk it is - you can talk about weaknesses and people love talking about weaknesses unless it's their own imperfections. So education fits perfectly ;p Also, when complaining, be careful - you and your partner should share a similar amount of what could be later used against you. I try and rather listen to such 'courageous laments' to saying them loud because you never really know what fragments of your converstaion could be then repeated to your potential enemies
Did I just write obvious things? If so - sorry.
BTW, I've got a question... An example from my class... We've got a group of 7 girls. One day, one of them came to school in a new haircut - an insignificant change, really. One didn't even notice that (obviously me) until the remaining five started to squeal stuff like: "Ooh, have you been to the hairdresser?" "You look lovely now!" "Why did you cut it?".
It's just an example but I think it remebles many of NT behaviours that lead me to one question:
Do they really care or do they just say they do?! I can't figure it out.
BTW, I've got a question... An example from my class... We've got a group of 7 girls. One day, one of them came to school in a new haircut - an insignificant change, really. One didn't even notice that (obviously me) until the remaining five started to squeal stuff like: "Ooh, have you been to the hairdresser?" "You look lovely now!" "Why did you cut it?".
It's just an example but I think it remebles many of NT behaviours that lead me to one question:
Do they really care or do they just say they do?! I can't figure it out.
Oops... I guess I should just wander away to another thread. This for sure has been asked somewhere already, stupid me-newbie. This forum has a lot of threads, that's for sure...
I was recently heavily criticised for not making small talk (although what I was supposed to talk about was never explained). But over the weekend, my partner saw an email I was in the middle of writing and he asked why I was in a converstion with the intended recipient over a particular topic. I was quite taken aback - I said: "I was just making small talk, I thought that was what you're supposed to do."
So it seems to me that I just can't win - if I don't chat it's wrong and if I do chat it's wrong.
How are you ever supposed to keep up with society's rules if they are in a constant state of flux?