Aspies For Freedom

I bet there are a couple of you out there that are as puzzled as i am about Small Talk. From what i was reading by Groovy Druid, it's just to see whether you are there "to be friends with a person or fight them and take their things."

But my question is, what exactly does small talk include. I need help with topics in small talk besides asking "What's the weather like?" or "How are you?"

In my observation of small talk, the satisfaction seems to be in the feeling that the other person feels the same about things as you do. In other words, they are sharing mutual feelings. Occasional differences are expected, but if there are no mutual feelings, the friendship ends. Also, small talk seeks empathy, that the other person understands your feelings or concerns and cares about it with you. However, people do not trust strangers, and when strangers do small talk, they must never try to pull information out of each other which could be used to hurt them later, such as that related to social status. In my experience, the most commonly used crutch for small talk is the news, where both people share the feeling that a news item is sad  (but they enjoy it anyway! NTs are often quite sadistic.)
Zylon

Zylon, you describe my feelings about it.

There is the talk of the weather of course. But there is some 'deeper' small talk too. It starts with a facial expression I don't understand, but it feels as if its kind of sticky (to me that is).

Then there is a story, told in confidence, f.i. about suffering of a relative of somebody else. It is told in confidence, about people you hardly know, but they seem to be able to tell it in confidence because they are sure you will feel the same. Like a story about a horrible sickbed and how direct family of the sick person is suffering too. Its not personal to the talker. But it is as if they seek for mutual compassion. It is told and you are supposed to feel sorry.

I do 'feel sorry' in a way. So I nod, say something like 'its sad' and that is it. I don't feel sorry in a way that I feel it. I cannot elaborate on it and enjoy the mutual feeling of compassion. It's a horrid story. But its about someone who knows someone, and the suffering of their relatives. Its way beyond. I feel suffocated when these things happen. As if all individuality is crushed and we all share the same burden of sorrow about this person. I don't. And I don't get the facial expression of shared sympathy and therefor shared living. It would be a bit different if I met the sufferer and he/she told me. Because then it is not small-talk, but personal conversation.

It feels to me like small talk is the glue of society. And I can't stand sticky stuff like that. I am capable of talking about the weather though... I almost always disagree with the ruling opinion and its OK. I did my bit in 'smalltalk' if I agreed or not. But the compassionate 'gossip' is way beyond my expertise. It makes me nauseous.

I am also much put off by gossip.  When a conversation starts wandering in that direction and I am called upon for input I simply respond that I have learned to let other people tell their own stories because I invariably mess something up.  As a result, there are people who prefer the company of others, but the feeling is mutual -- they want to be all in everybody's business and I do not.  Having a quick wit can also help you escape having any real input in an empty conversation.  What I have discovered as I've grown older, though, is that if you give even the emptiest conversation enough time something useful generally emerges ..... eventually.  It is like some people must go through a ritual before talking with any substance -- sort of like warming up exercises before running.  During these time I make it a game -- if they talk more than I talk and they feel comfortable for the duration, I win!  It is just in the last 3 years or so that I realized that most people consider it rude to get right to the point of a telephone call.  They are put off if you immediately ask for the person you wish to talk to and immediately ask the question that prompted that call.  No matter who answers the phone, you must chat with them (and be jovial unless you are calling to report a death) and when you finally get the correct person on the phone, you must chat with them before getting to the point.  It makes me crazy, but I've gotten pretty good at it.  How are you?  How are you enjoying this fine day?  How are the grandkids?  Is that them I hear?  Well, I won't keep you long ...... though I've already been on the phone easily 10 minutes longer than was necessary.  Oh, well.

That is Eleanor Rooselvelt.
The plaque is in a place of honor in our home.

Bah! Roosevelt!

thanks mom and Hrick.

And many people tell the same stories over and over again.  How is it possible to retell a story over and over and not become utterly bored with yourself. It is particularly vexing if it is some one I've not seen for a while.  I wonder, "Did nothing happen over the last month worth talking about?  Must we hear this same story again.?"  There are some members of the family that I sometimes think I will scream if they tell 'that' story one more time.

"Boring" is one of the better possibilities.  Another good possibility is "shy."  It is also possible to be deemed "stuck up" or "unfriendly," which can take a while to overcome.

I suspect that the 30 minute story of how Aunt Millie got her coat caught in a taxi door 15 years ago and that is how she met Uncle Ed is not the most likely topic of perseveration.  Although a 30 minute rendering of the what each Pokemon evolves into also makes me crazy.  

I think it's a way of them saying "I care about you as a person, and I notice little things you do", rather than them actually caring about the haircut.

It's either that, or the old Douglas Adams theory that people have to talk continually or else their brains start working... *grins*

Oh, and no need to head to another thread - your post was still about small talk. There's always going to be some doubling up in different threads, and it's curious to see how the differing conversation strands develop...

Depends on how one defines "intelligence."

http://theemergencesite.com/Tech/TechIss...rs-ADD.htm

The author here thinks that OCPD, AS, ADD, and Kanner's are all part of the same spectrum.

Here, I propose his linking as a hunch, rather than derived from medical research. Sure, it was I who stated not to trust people simply because of status/ diploma/ authority, leaving my focus on the field of inquiry open to hacks.

I had similar hunches, but no proof

This individual lists a few commonalities among disparate conditions, some of which may only be symptoms, and then proposes to be an expert on the subject.

He should be taken to task: I may e-mail the expert, myself.

The article is copywritten meaning that a portion, even a sentence, can't be legally posted to a forum.

1) I am also inclined to believe that the whole condition of autism is unique.

2) Asking for clarification is not the same as arriving at conclusion, so it's me who was in auto-response mode.

About your not being bright, Bah-humbug.