Aspies For Freedom

In just about every mammal species except humans, staring at someone's eyes is considered a threatening or aggressive posture. That's what it just naturally feels like to me as well. It's not that I'm afraid of looking in their eyes, I just don't want to feel threatened or appear threatening myself.

And because it require less effort. As you are not looking at his direction  you don't have to simulate face's emotions. The oposite action, looking at their eyes require this, simulate emotions, because not doing so will be considered as staring, which is agressive, at least for NT. I don't care.

I only do this effort with friends, because I get stressed. I found that the more I simulate emotions the more time I need to be alone later, to rest.

My solution to this issue, eye contact, is to wear sunglasses. I love them. The darker the better.

I don't think sunglasses would go over well in an office setting, but I did this.  When I got new glasses earlier this year, I got Transitions lenses without anti-reflective coating.  Only partially effective, but out in the sunlight the Transitions lenses darken.  Problem solved, at least outside.  Inside, as long as there is a light source in the field of view for both me and the person I am talking to, the reflection of that light source off my lenses is likely to distract them.

As far as I am concerned, somebody aggressively demanding eye contact is harassment, and that's how I will treat it if it happens at work.

other species look each other in the eyes.  it's only when they're really up close (like nose to nose) that it becomes an aggressive stare-down.

looking an animal in the eyes has to do with gaze-sharing and joint-attention; it's functional, not just a random norm.

I've found that when I was a kid I could look at peoples eyes, but now I can't. I hate how eye contact is so valued in NT culture when it's really just a useless ritual which makes it less likely for us to get jobs.

I am shy so I don't look someone in the eyes. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I do look at people yes when talking to them and when they are talking to me. I don't know if I am doing approppiate eye contact though. It be up for the people to decide.
I used to avoid eye contact all the time and then one day I started doing it because I felt comfortable. It's just soemthing I find automatic in me.

That's not necessarily the case - with most species staring at any distance is considered aggressive. That's why, for example, when a subordinate Elephant Seal tries to mate with another male's females on a beach, it only takes one stare from the "beach master" 50 feet away to send the subordinate fleeing. It's the same way with wolves and other pack animals as well when they make a kill - the alpha wolves can make the subordinates get out of their way without even being within a few feet of them. In fact, humans are the only mammal species I can think of where only the "in-your-face" staring is considered aggressive.

That's not to say other animals don't make eye-contact during non-aggressive interactions, because they certainly do. Mammalian mothers and their babies (particularly among primates) frequently look into each others eyes as a form a bonding, and among adults, quick glances at each other is generally considered friendly behavior.

It's hardly useless..looking into people's eyes make gaze sharing makes joint attention possible.  Looking into people's eyes is a prerequisite to theory of mind.

When interviewing for a job, if both the interviewer and the interviewee are staring at each other, each individual knows the other is focused on the other individual.  No other set of foci would establish this.

Good idea. One that I sometimes used was to face the sun. Then their face would be in shadow.

I don't know what the deal is here (psychosomatic or something?) but sometimes eye contact can actually feel physically painful. Someone demands me to look them in the eye, I generally say, "I can look at you or I can listen to you." -- It's a gamble, but I'm generally pretty sure they'll opt for the latter.

First, I didn't say that staring someone in the eyes was SUFFICIENT for establishing that; I said it was NECESSARY.  
Second, I don't have a peculiar definition; I use Simon Baron-Cohen's, which is commonly considered the standard, especially in discussion of AS.

Huh? No it isn't.

I only look into somebody's eyes if I feel an affinity for them and want to get closer and more intimate with them. The rest I don't care about. Unless it is for intimate reasons, I don't do eye contact with anyone because I do not want them trying to dominate me with their body language and domination techniques. It isn't as though I actually have any real rapport with most people. In my experience, people are just cynical and abusive users who secretly hold me in contempt and this is evidenced by the object-choice of so many,  not to mention the obviously dysgenic ramifications of these object choices.

I also find eye contact physically painful. In addition, when looking at something, especially something so detailed as a face, I find myself looking at all the details and trying to process the visual information, which keeps me from understanding what is being spoken, as the latter alone takes me a great deal of effort.

As I understand spoken language much better when not making eye contact (even looking at the nose, forehead, lips, etc. is unacceptable for me in most times), I was rather confused when looking at a copy of recommendations made by the speech therapist who tested me a year or two ago included advice for teachers to make sure that I was looking at them when giving instructions. This paper also noted "inappropriate gestures" and that teachers should "reinforce appropriate responses and discourage inappropriate responses, rather than laugh at them" - or something along those lines; the latter is not an exact quote.

As for those who believe that eye contact is necessary to get along in social relationships, I have some good friendships with people my age, and I almost NEVER look at their eyes. In fact, many things considered to be barriers that prevent autistics from socializing are in fact based on the fact that so many people do not understand different communicative, social, and cognitive modes of autistics. At my school, which is so accepting (and at the very least tolerant, depending on the individual), they break down when the people around you understand and accept. Behaviors of mine that were considered socially crippling, once changing my setting and the people I'm around, prove to be no barrier to socialization - even though I act just as autistic, if not more, than I did in my other schools.

Another thing that bugged me about the report was that it noted along with the section detailing my "deficits" that I had made few friends. At the time of the report, I actually had a number of friends - maybe even ten. Aside from this factual inaccuracy (who decides how many friends is "few", anyway? my sister hung out with dozens of people in high school, but she didn't really know them, got into fights with them over boys, and they didn't seem to have substance, but she is apparently socially healthy by these standards), who is to say that, even if I had no friends, that I MUST have friends? What if I didn't want to make friends (which was certainly the case in elementary and junior high school)? Some serious flaws in these assumptions.

Needless to say, this year I'm making sure I am an integral part of my IEP meeting this year.

Why would eye contact be necessary for theory of mind? That doesn't make sense to me. If that were so, blind children would never develop a theory of mind--but they do.

Theory of mind is simply understanding that other people have different thoughts from yours, and depending on the information they know, they may come to different conclusions, have different opinions, and see different things from you. It is not necessary to know where their eyes are pointing to deduce that, for example, someone sitting across a table from you can see what is behind you, just as you can see what is behind them.

I find it difficult to look in people's eyes. It is very frightening and intimidating for me and also it gives me sensory overload and causes me to experience physical pain.

I had eye contact beaten and disciplined into me, although I usually get round this by looking at people's eyebrows!
When I am really nervous, or anxious, I cannot manage eye contact at all.