Guys if I knew how to do this I'd just do it. But I haven't the talent nor skills many of you possess relative to computers so I'm posing the idea to you all as a possibility with hope someone might actually be interested in doing this. Would greatly appreciate your feedback, ideas etc.
I already have a call in to Autism speaks to see if they would be willing to do this within their site... but knowing how negatively many of you feel toward that site i'm wondering if that is not the best venue for the idea. what I'm looking to see is a question and answer type venue where NT parents could go to talk to Aspie and autists to get suggestions and learn from their experience and knowledge base.
Most of the questions would probably boil do to ways of helping our kids make connections whether it be potty training, or understanding passions and stim.
Parents want to connect with and understand their kids. To help them connect in a small way opens them up to listening on a larger level. I think a little one on one education would go a long way in changing people's opinions not to mention helping other individual's on the spectrum who are either less able or not as far along in their development.
What do you think?
Would you be willing to participate? Through Autism Speaks format? Other format?
What venue/form should this kind of thing take?
Anyone with the skills to do it?
Your other comments/thoughts?
Hoping this becomes a long and productive thread. Mom of Hrick
This is a great idea, but I doubt Autism Speaks would be willing to do it. Presenting adult autistics as being capable of happy independent lives doesn't really fit with their mission....
AFF itself could do it, maybe - I don't know how the site is set up or whether its configuration, etc. would allow it; you'd have to talk to the moderators for that info.
I tried joining a few of the Autism Awareness groups on Myspace, they don't seem that open to my opinions there, so I have a hard time believing that we'd have much more luck going through the axis of evil.
I expect that a lot of NT parents need and would appreciate an opportunity to get suggestions from Auties/Aspies through the internet. One option might be for them to post a question in the parents part of this forum. They may also use the search facility of this forum for existing threads/subjects.
What is stopping these NT parents from asking their questions at this forum? Nothing, as far as I can tell.
I think the real problem is that many NT parents seem to have all kinds of negative ideas about autistic adults, and don't seem to want to have anything to do with us. I don't know what they think their autistic kids are going to turn into when they grow up!
Hrick, to be honest with you, I find your use of faddish language silly. What exactly do you mean by "helping our kids make connections"? Do you mean emotions and relationships, or are you referring to communication, or do you mean learning or understanding conceptual connections between things? What is the link between "making connections" and toilet training? I have no idea.
If NT parents want to develop an emotional relationship with their autistic children, then they will just have to invest their own time and be sincere about this. There are no quick tips or easy hints for things like "how to build a parent-child relationship".
Perhaps it would be of more help to look at things the opposite way; to ask for tips and hints for how NOT TO RUIN a relationship with an autistic family member. I was going to write a blog on this theme a long time ago.
The only reason I am here is to gain an insight and already have by reading peoples posts.So thankyou all for being here and allowing me the oppertunity to do so.As for good and evil I am a newbie and am relatively nieve for now.I think as long as all are willing and nobody is expected to put in their soul unwanted it is a great idea for those who want to do this.I for one am certainly interested in learing as much as I possibly can.I am here for that and to give and recieve some support and understanding.
I think it's a good idea, to have a dialogue between parents and adults on the spectrum.
One thing has to be allways kept in mind:
Maybe we will never understand everything, but this dosn't have to keep us, from accepting.
And this is to both, NT and AS.
I will try to answer to questions here or in the parents forum.
If I don't reply here for a long time, feel free to remind me in a private message.
It could also be, that I don't have to say anything about the recent topics, but I don't mind, if you check with me.
In the past, especially before my son's DX (and my own) I often was the only one who was able to explain why he was acting/reacting the way he does.
We are so simmilar. Only that I for 40 years didn't know what was going on with me.
One of remarks I allways got was:"You simply don't try hard enough"
That was really depressing, to hear this from parents, teachers, psychologists, social workers and so on.
everybody seems to know , that I'm not trying hard enough.
But I allways felt, that I'm trying harder, then anybody else.
I can't help with how it'd work... but I'd be willing to be involved.
Is the resistance from Autism Speaks another example of autism-as-disease?
The autism spectrum is a difference. Disease is a value judgment.
I'm not sure how often Asperger is a gift, most, all? Those who don't think they have gifts, is it a matter of not learning to apply their mind to realize it?
What is stopping these NT parents from asking their questions at this forum? Nothing, as far as I can tell.
"I think the real problem is that many NT parents seem to have all kinds of negative ideas about autistic adults, and don't seem to want to have anything to do with us. I don't know what they think their autistic kids are going to turn into when they grow up!"
God, I couldn't disagree more! I am CONSTANTLY reading posts by adult Aspies here and on Oasis (and maybe a few other sites as well) for INSIGHT into what my daughter will be like in a few more years.
When I read this post (setting up a ? and answer section here or on Autism Speaks) I was just about to post a poll asking Aspies if they were ready for college at age 18 (I don't think my daughter will be ready at least not living alone in a dorm).
I like befriending adult Aspies in chatrooms and recently met one at a spiritual retreat who said he was mild but that his brother was further along the Aspie spectrum. He was fascinated by my daughter as it brought up all kinds of old memories of his youth. We communicate by e-mail now, mostly talking about alternative health treatments (his chief perserveration).
Finally, by reading posts by adult Aspies I can discipher how and when to intervene where my daughter is concerned- what to work on (her bluntness for example) and what to try to embrace (her indifference to what other's think of her for the most part, her dress, her perennial immaturity, etc.).
My main goal is to make her as independent and happy as possible because I won't live forever. I don't meet or hear about too many adults NT or AS who are happy living with their parents in their thirties for example...
By and large I find adult Aspies- most Aspies actually- wonderfully pure and uncomplicated in some strange way I can't articulate and not manipulative like so many NTs. I love it that my daughter doesn't have a mean bone in her body and probably never will! She can take people's crap and either ignore it to a great extent or twist and turn it to her advantage (I brood- a mistake).
when she does dwell on something negative too long I tell her that her mind can be her best friend or worst enemy- that it is up to her. She has been hearing that for years now so I really think she tries to master her mind, her experiences, her pain as much as possible. It will save her in the end I think.
We think too much as a rule. We need to put ourselves aside as much as possible really....
Those who don't think they have gifts, is it a matter of not learning to apply their mind to realize it?
Personally, all this "All Aspies are gifted" nonsense hurts much more than being told I could be normal if I "tried harder", because it's perpetuated by other people on the spectrum, who I'd expect to understand that difference means I am not like you . Just because you're an Aspie, and gifted, doesn't mean all Aspies are gifted. Don't make me feel guilty for being my less brilliant self.
I personally hang around the parenting areas of forums a bit, but don't post there because I don't have kids and wouldn't presume to have any advice on raising them. Maybe a separate q/a forum would be less intimidating? Or would it just encourage a rash of "I'm doing a project and want to know..." type enquiries?
Personally, all this "All Aspies are gifted" nonsense hurts much more than being told I could be normal if I "tried harder", because it's perpetuated by other people on the spectrum, who I'd expect to understand that difference means I am not like you . Just because you're an Aspie, and gifted, doesn't mean all Aspies are gifted. Don't make me feel guilty for being my less brilliant self.
It may just be me, but doesn't the fact that we're all different mean that your gift might lie in some area other than above average intellect?
It may just be me, but doesn't the fact that we're all different mean that your gift might lie in some area other than above average intellect?
I agree. Not all gifts are intellectual.
As for your idea, hrick (or mum of hrick?) I think it is a very good idea. However, I thought that was what was happening in places here already -- and nothing is preventing NT parents from asking questions here already, as far as I can tell.
I don't go to the parenting section because I am not a parent (yet) but I thought that was part of what it was about.
Two thoughts based on Nyanchen's writing
First, yes this sight does a wonderful job in terms of its openness to answering NT questions - you all have been great.... but, finding the site is not a natural that way. I came in through the chat rooms because I wanted Hrick to be able to practice his independent typing skills with people who share some commonalities with him. I figured he'd be more inclined to want to talk to them. To be frank it never occurred to me (and mind you, he is now 18) to ask AS questions about their common experiences prior. I had read books by autists, Donna Williams especially was helpful in providing clues to who Hrick was and how he processed things, but that is as far as I thought to go. I figured all the question and answer gunk was designed as ask the NT expert in the field, and I've never thought of them as being especially expert. Maybe a better question then is how to help NT parents find this site as a resource for asking questions.
Second, you yourself just noted you don't go to the parenting section, yet your input would be just as valuable as any other. It is not so much about asking someone else how to parent, although I have no doubt the overall result would be better parenting. It is more about sharing your personal experience as a possible window into someone else's. Hope that makes sense.