Aspies For Freedom

Hey everyone it's me, Miss me? Hey probaly not. but Anyway I have some issues that I need vent out.

I work at Cedar Point in Sandusky this summer and it's my first time away from home for an exstended time. It's hard as it is being young and inexsperianced. It's even worse when you are in an stressfull enviroment, causing all sorts of problems.

Is it possible for symtoms that aren't apparent normally to suddenly become worse in heated and stressful circumstances. I've notice that my AS isn't apparent at all when I'm working or in a state of relaxed calm. And I quote "You have Aspergers I couldn't tell" Even someone said that I might be misdiagnosed, but close friends that have family in the ASDs said that I was obvious hmmmmm.

So It's seem to me when I get stressed out I really become increasingly obvious.
today accually is a good example.

I missed the bus to downtown for the 3 time and I was really cheesed off, I was pissed frustrated and very overheated that I went into a flurry screaming and curses. I was just tired and confused the Schedual was wrong and didn't know what to do or how to express my frustration normally, so I exploded on people, note never yell at Detroit black people, they don't take kindly to anyone thats white and loud, of course it mostly my fault for yelling and screaming.

I setted to testly state of pain because of the heat and frustation, I rock and stimmed by hair pulling which wasn't much because I cut my hair really short to prevent that. I yelled at everyone to that came near, I didn't want to be touched look at. I buried my face in my bandana because of the sun. The cops came over and took me away from the area and talked to me. I was still wary of them, and talking was hard strangely. Because normally I can talk very well. I had no speech issues. But sentaces were short and choppy. Words were rather large, but there was stuttering and choppy speak. I was driven top to the library where I am now.
But I don't understand I am I just being a real asshole or am I reacting to the heavy flow of stumlus just like any other Aspie? Why are my stims and behaviors less apparent when I'm "fine" but more so when I'm "Pissed-as-hell"? Am I regressing? I don't understand. It scares me when I don't get whats going on.

Maybe I'm acting, I love to RP, but someone told me (who is also AS)that Aspies can't RP well, because it takes imagintive skills, and Aspies are suppose to be too logical....yet I love to RP. Maybe I'm RPing my symtoms or lack of?

I don't know I'm just confuse.

BW

I tend not to get violent/loud when I'm overstimulated or overwhelmed in situations like that, but instead I would more likely find a park and hide in some bushes to try and collect myself. Anything that reminds me of nature is calming to me, and I find large cities stressful.

Were there any parks or anything near by? Or even a secluded alley where you could sit in private for a while?

I could go back to my dorm, but I didn't want to move I wanted to stay their, deep down I was to afriad to move..I just want to calm myself down and then leave I don't know I wasn't thinking rastionally

This is a classic example of being overloaded and is perfectly normal for aspies so I hope that makes you feel a little bit better. We seem to be able to cope up to a certain point but things such as unplanned changes will set us off if we already stressed.

Yeah I seem to get overloaded alot here. It's really bothersome, D: My worst fear is with guests. I'm afriad when they yell at me when I'm working admissions (that is tearing and scanning tickets and letting people in) that they will get upset when scanner is broken or their pass isn't reading. I hate conflict and I don't like it when they yell at me. I don't want to break down at work

Bardwolf, they are very rude to yell at you and I'll bet they wouldn't like it if somebody did the same thing to them.

Well congrats to me. I had my first work-base overload D: totally freaked out at work. >< Damn heat!

I swear, I'm constantly on the verge of just throwing a fit and running out of work.  It's bad enough that this job sucks so hard, but I think what really sets me off is that I know it'll be even worse for me if I have to go back to LOOKING for a job. ::shudder::

I was just terrified that one day I was just gonna do it.  However, since they cut the department's budget, I'm done in a week anyway.  Yuckers.

Yeah things might be looking up. I'll be working nights soon and not at the Admissions which will have it's own issues but it might be better

I hope at least it will be a bit cooler for you in the night shifts.

While I don't get Meltdowns, overload, what I call Fade Outs, do happen now and then, particularly after a stressful day at work.  

It happened today to me, I got to the stage where the information in my head felt blocked, I couldn't remember names of the kids in my class, I had trouble working out what to do next, just yech!  I've been back home now for the past four hours and relaxed and feel back to normal.  

I know some of my NT colleagues (this is a new job, nobody knows about my being Aspie, I wanted to see how long I could fool them as a "passing NT" before they twig to me!) probably thought I was a bit odd; I just said I was a bit tired.

Alison

Fade outs hun? I just explode with too much data and my brain has the "blue screen of Death" I quit Cedar Point and now I live with my boyfriend Patrick, he knows that I'm Aspie and helps me out...but now I'm in the pit of finding a new job

When Fade outs happen to me, people just assume I'm an idiot!  I have trouble speaking, too much data overload, and my brain feels like it's burning up.  But an hour in a quiet place, on my own or with my family, does the trick to restore equilibrium.

Good luck with your job hunting, BTW!  What sort of work do you prefer?  

Alison