Aspies For Freedom

Looks like lots of people (including me) find women (especially aspie women) more trustworthy. I just find men to not take things very seriuosly when I talk to them, which isn't so great. Women are much easier for me to chat to, as they DO discuss things sensibly.

Sorry about that.

Please think twice about what people actually mean instead of making comments like:

I trust Aspies over NTs for the reasons mentioned in prior posts. However, there are certain situations where I tend to trust men more than women. Specifically when it comes to interpersonal relationships. The reason being that women have a greater tendency than men to be dishonest and manipulative with people they are close to and/or involved with. Men are generally more direct and up front about their intentions.

Well that is certainly true, Max. So why dont you elaborate on what are the most important factors in honesty and trustworthiness in people. Moreover, are there certain personality types which are particularly UN-trustworthy? The more direct a person is with me/to me, the More Im inclined to trust them. Also, the more fickle a person is the Less Im inclined to trust them;and for a VERY good reason: Their feelings change regularly;and so could their feelings about me.
I also believe that when it comes to infidelity, certain personality types are more inclined to be unfaithful. Ive been told by someone that my problem with women is Not that Im really a dangerous man, its that I dont make them feel safe.

Its a good idea to make trust conditional and something to be earned;otherwise the other person doesnt have any incentive to not to betray your trust if the feel its in their self-interest to do so.But young women in particular really do play a lot of mind games; especially towards men since they dont view men as peers.

I trust people unless and until I have a reason not to. I'm not saying I don't lock the house at night, but unless we're talking about somebody stealing our financial records or stealing the car, I don't really feel I have to protect myself from people. What can they do to me?

Often when people are distrustful of others it's because they doubt their own ability to handle whatever consequences may arise.

I'm the same besides I don't have a car. And just because there are people that con me I don't let those bad examples influence my judging everyone after that scale. Whenever there's a knock on the door and I'm up and dressed I'll answer it and invite whomever is there although it has created some akward situations over the years.

Well Max, since you're not an aspie you most likely have the ability to pick up on peoples motives and intentions; EVEN If they are not direct(or honest for that matter) about them. Because dishonesty is not uncommon among NTs when relating to others, aspies need to be more cautious because they may not pick up on things that a normal person would-things that would indicate that the other person does not have good intentions.

I am amused. In your last little stint at AFF, you posted god-knows how many variations on "If you're not good enough to be just like me, your inferior life is your own fault."  That was before you declared that you were so much smarter than everybody here that the forum was a waste of your time. So if you want to dish it out, learn to take it. If your life has been so fabulous and superior for 56 years, what are you being so defensive about?

People can miss out on a lot in life by building unnecessary defenses against an enemy that doesn't exist.

What if those consequences include things like (date)Rape? Or even Worse??
The world is not a safe place; so not automatically trusting people(blindly) is actually a wise thing to do.
Given the things people are capable of doing, its often better to be safe than sorry.

Absolutely. Good point.

But when it reaches a point of " I don't trust NT's. I don't trust women. I don't trust anybody" that is more personally debilitating and limiting than the dangers -- real and imaginary -- one risks by being a more trusting person.

good post Max - people can be such idiots - thanks for the insights.

I agree - you do need to face fears to get on in life - I think taking very small steps at a time can really help - small steps taken slowly - till you get somewhere near you want to be.

But I can also recognise when people need to back off sometimes - for their own mental health. Toughening up isn't always the answer. Sometimes - no mattter how much you try - you just can't get there.  This maybe is where people need to accept limitations??

I watch my son - and I can see when he is doing too much in his efforts to be like every one else - then I think he needs to step back a little and re-evaluate. Toughening up won't work - I think sometimes it is healthier to learn to step back a little.

Men tend to be more literal than women.
Aspies tend to be more literal than NTs.

So I'll say an Aspie male, because I'm more likely to understand him and his motivations--but only because, if there were signs that I shouldn't trust him, then I'd be most likely to pick up on them coming from an Aspie male than from any other type of person.

I guess it's not, "who do I trust most" (because all sorts of neurologies and genders can be all sorts of good or evil), but "who am I most likely to correctly judge to be trustworthy?"

You are eloquent with the written word Max.

You are right - but to step forward on the path that is uniquely right for him - he needs to take a moment to step back from the path that is right for the majority. As an individual he has a lot to offer.

He has a job where there a desire to understand, support, accept  and there is a willingness to adapt his work environment (from management).  But in his  need in not wanting to be seen as being different, he places enormous stress on himself. It seems to be all or nothing with him - either he does it all, or he does nothing. Maybe he will be okay - time will tell. If he can't cope with the pressure he puts on himself - he will be supported to learn and adapt.
His need to feel able to fit in comes back to the bullying that went on at school. Bullying is so destructive.

I don't know for sure why there is such pressure for people to conform to certain mode of behaviour - not sure. Maybe an appreciation for diversity and an acceptance for those who are different needs to pushed more in schools. Maybe schools should teach the some of values of humanism more than they do.

Trust - I don't know that I trust anyone except some close family members - and no definite group over another.
When people are sick (thinking patients at work) then they need to trust - and I trust them. So - a relationship of trust can to be built. I enjoy this aspect of my job.