02-15-2005, 03:05 AM
02-15-2005, 05:47 AM
Here is a quote from that appalling FAAS web site
Quote:
"Is anyone listening?... We, the families with our blistered hearts and souls and damaged psyche, are the end-product of undiagnosed and untreated Asperger's Syndrome. How many families are suffering out there? The feelings of rejection and loneliness plays a major role in the lives of the Aspergers' family. You and your feelings are not recognized by the afflicted person. "
This reminds me of a piece of advice that I once read, from someone who works as a marriage counsellor "We are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness, and we all have to accept responsibility for our own state of mind".
If being in a relationship with someone with AS is so terrible, why don't these whingers simply remove themselves from these relationships?
02-15-2005, 02:38 PM
I think the question of the relationship between AS and misbehaviour of different kinds could be an interesting discussion to have. It might bring up questions about free will and morality and genetic determinism and one could also question the assumption that misbehaviour is necessarily a bad thing.
02-15-2005, 02:54 PM
Here's a quote from the Australian web site that whinges about aspie parents
Quote:
Our parents often...
could not "know" us or give us recognition
could not "mirror" us
did not know how to hold us
did not know how to touch us
held us captive to their monologues and obsessions
did not recognise our boundaries ie that we were different from them
could not "know" us or give us recognition
could not "mirror" us
did not know how to hold us
did not know how to touch us
held us captive to their monologues and obsessions
did not recognise our boundaries ie that we were different from them
I could say the same things about my neurotypical parent. I was raised as though I was an NT like my parent. I was held captive to my NT parent's obsession with attending social events. I remember many long boring miserable hours spent at noisy parties, wishing I could find something interesting to read or play with.
If I had the time I would start a whinger web site for aspie offspring of NT parents.
Quote:
Aspar does not receive
funding or subsidies for its pioneering work.
funding or subsidies for its pioneering work.
and I don't think it deserves to either.
02-15-2005, 03:29 PM
Here's an email the probably wont receive any reply:
Quote:
Dear Judy,
I didn't notice any information on your home page about the shortcomings of neurotpical parents as parents of aspie kids. You only seem to be presenting one side of the picture on your web site. You don't mention the mind-numbing lack of intellectual stimulation in many homes run by NT parents, the noise and the chaos, the lack of basic understanding and empathy with aspie offspring displayed by many neurotypical parents, the intolerance of natural autistic behaviours and the denial of the aspie child's real personality and identity. You have forgotten to mention warm and loyal bonds between aspie parents and their aspie offspring, and the many things that some aspie parents do to foster the intellectual development of their offspring. Why are you making so many important omissions? You seem to think all of the skills relevant to parenting are essentially neurotypical skills.
regards
Lili.
I didn't notice any information on your home page about the shortcomings of neurotpical parents as parents of aspie kids. You only seem to be presenting one side of the picture on your web site. You don't mention the mind-numbing lack of intellectual stimulation in many homes run by NT parents, the noise and the chaos, the lack of basic understanding and empathy with aspie offspring displayed by many neurotypical parents, the intolerance of natural autistic behaviours and the denial of the aspie child's real personality and identity. You have forgotten to mention warm and loyal bonds between aspie parents and their aspie offspring, and the many things that some aspie parents do to foster the intellectual development of their offspring. Why are you making so many important omissions? You seem to think all of the skills relevant to parenting are essentially neurotypical skills.
regards
Lili.
02-21-2005, 06:32 AM
I share Jerry's suspicion that many NT partners in dysfunctional relationships with aspies bring their own baggage of issues with them. I seem to know a lot of drunks who have been attached to aspies at one stage or another. And NTs who like to play around and thus find having a socially naive partner a great convenience.
I hate the way Aston has turned this issue into a feminist issue, based on the assumption that most aspies are males.
Did anyone notice any sign of evidence in that article that aspies are actually more violent than NTs? I know we have tempers, but that is not the same as saying we are violent. Another NT assumption about aspies based on NT psychology, not AS psychology.
I gave have roundly criticised Attwood for the piece of writing of his that Aston cited in this article. He did a lot of damage to our image in that interview.
I hate the way Aston has turned this issue into a feminist issue, based on the assumption that most aspies are males.
Did anyone notice any sign of evidence in that article that aspies are actually more violent than NTs? I know we have tempers, but that is not the same as saying we are violent. Another NT assumption about aspies based on NT psychology, not AS psychology.
I gave have roundly criticised Attwood for the piece of writing of his that Aston cited in this article. He did a lot of damage to our image in that interview.
02-22-2005, 10:55 AM
Oh dear, I've made a mistake. Aston did give a proper reference for this quote
Quote:
Attwood1 describes a spectrum of Asperger's behaviour, from the passive to the arrogant and aggressive, and it is likely to be the latter who perpetrate domestic violence.
and it wasn't the piece of writing that I thought she was refering to. I have read a lot of the book cited and I don't recall much about what Attwood wrote in it about any spectrum of Asperger's behaviour in relationships.
I honestly wouldn't describe either my own or my aspie husband's behaviour in our relationship as either passive or arrogant and aggressive. Sure enough, our behaviour might look unusual to outsiders, but we like it. There is no violence in our relationship.
When I had a couple of NT boyfriends before I met my husband, one certainly could have described my behaviour as passive. I showed not much enthusiasm or initiative in those relationships because I wasn't sure that I wanted to be in them and I didn't know what was going on half the time. The more I read about relationship problems that are supposed to be caused by AS the more I suspect that the main problem is incompatibility between NT and AS rather than AS itself. But most of the experts, including Attwood, write that people with AS have problems with relationships, but they don't tell the full story; people with AS have problems with relationships with neurotypical people.
Here is a link to an Attwood interview about AS and relationships which I do not like, because he describes people with AS as being inadequate in any kind of relationship. I know it isn't the truth.
http://www.autismconnect.org/core_files/...ttwood.htm
03-01-2005, 02:29 PM
Maxine Aston Wrote:
Living with Asperger's
Jul 11, 2002
Research supported by the National Autistic Society into the intimate relationships of couples where one partner is affected by Asperger's shows that men with the condition tend to choose partners who are maternal, strong, and with nurturing qualities, often older than themselves. Women are attracted to men who appear to be kind, gentle and slightly immature, and who flatter with obsessive attention.
Jul 11, 2002
Research supported by the National Autistic Society into the intimate relationships of couples where one partner is affected by Asperger's shows that men with the condition tend to choose partners who are maternal, strong, and with nurturing qualities, often older than themselves. Women are attracted to men who appear to be kind, gentle and slightly immature, and who flatter with obsessive attention.
Kind and gentle: no problem with either of those (but who would be attracted to a man who was unkind and insensitive?)
But immature? No way would I find that attractive. I never liked to see adults behaving immaturely when I was a child (that's why I disliked clowns). My main reasons for giving up on the AS support groups in Windsor and Exeter was because they were dominated by certain immature, annoying individuals - so much for Einstein being a typical Aspie!
And as for obsessive attention - not sure what is meant by this. I personally have no wish to be showered with fripperies and knick-knacks. Can't understand why girls are supposed to get all excited about a bloke owning a particular model of car.
03-02-2005, 04:27 PM
I'm not sure what kind of women Aston was referring to in that passage; women who are partners of AS males? women who are AS themselves? The writing was so vague that it is hard to hold her accountable for the stuff she wrote. Very convenient. I'ts all such a huge generalisation that no sensible person would take it seriously, one would hope.
03-11-2005, 01:23 PM
Wolfy Wrote:
Room 101
Some property developers are building some luxury flats on a brownfield site next to Exeter Central station. The name of the development? Platform 101.
"We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness..."
03-12-2005, 03:57 PM
Quote from http://www.newlife learning.com/
"Stephen concluded: “For anybody on the spectrum there is always a great possibility to improve and move to a lighter end of the spectrum. The challenge is to move them as fast and as far as we can. "
Stay away from THE DARK SIDE! :shock:
Chelation quackery sites are not such a joke, in my opinion. I have read that chelation therapy is unproven and can cause dangerous side effects such as liver or kidney problems. You can't live too long without liver or kidney function.
"Stephen concluded: “For anybody on the spectrum there is always a great possibility to improve and move to a lighter end of the spectrum. The challenge is to move them as fast and as far as we can. "
Stay away from THE DARK SIDE! :shock:
Chelation quackery sites are not such a joke, in my opinion. I have read that chelation therapy is unproven and can cause dangerous side effects such as liver or kidney problems. You can't live too long without liver or kidney function.
03-23-2005, 09:07 AM
Nemidaelius Wrote:
I am not sure if this is a recent phenomenon, but it seems people will do anything to put themselves in a position of apparent disadvantage or hardship because it gives them ability to bargain/converse from a position of moral strength.
Otherwise known as playing the sympathy card. Princess Diana was particularly fond if this. Watching the infamous Martin Bashir interview nearly a decade ago, I was reminded of Katie Roiphe's polemical book The Morning After: Sex, fear and feminism in which she critcized the willingness of feminists to embrace the role of the victim. Small wonder that Diana was hailed as some great feminist icon!
03-25-2005, 02:43 PM
Nemidaelius Wrote:
CROWDS = EVIL
I know.
08-07-2006, 08:15 PM
Lili Marlene Wrote:
There's something odd about the Germans, there's no denying that.
Which is...?
08-08-2006, 10:54 PM
Als jemand, die ein Achtel Deutschlaenderin durch Abstammung ist, fordere ich eine Erklaerung!