Aspies For Freedom

I suspect that teh shocks would come at such frequesncy that they might interfere constructively and produce a powerful enough shock to kill them.

Once again, frustration has brought me here.  It's almost the weekend so the forums are quiet.  I'm off work this weekend so I'll have lots of unstructured time, for good or for ill.  My counselor at the vocational guidance place didn't get back to me yet.  I thought I might have been talking to the psychologist there today, getting at least an off-the-record assessment, but no, I waited all day, called back twice, it must have been too busy a day for anyone to get back to me.  I know, I am a selfish, demanding little b****.  I have so little patience with this not knowing.  I went to the blog site of a certain outspoken autistic activist (not someone from here as far as I know).  In one blog she criticizes people like me, un-dx'd adults who can't wait to validate their membership on the autism spectrum by getting their official labels.  Is that what people think of folks like me, who just want to get some sort of scientific verification of our own suspicions?  If I am on the spectrum, I am probably the least affected one here.  No sensory issues, no motor problems, no specific learning disabilities, no speech delays that I know of though I'll be asking my father on Sunday.  (Happy Father's Day, oh, by the way, can you remember back about 38 years and tell me whether I had any speech delays?)  My school records, kindergarten-12th grade, were lost years ago ( :evil: ); my copy of my medical records appears to start at about age 5 (where the hell is the rest of it?); I've been analyzing myself, dabbling in self-diagnosis, since I was 14, and STILL, at 40, I don't know what's making me different, except that 1.) I can't remember ever being otherwise; and 2.) I seem to meet too few autistic criteria to belong on the spectrum.  I've BEEN in therapy, I've tried the antidepressants, the ADD meds help superficially but deep down I still travel through life only semi-engaged in it, and now I find out that a member of the autism community thinks people like me are only seeking a dx out of some desire to preen on the forums and bask in our new identity?!  Well, my identity is that I am @#$%^&* weird, always have been, yet I function too well to be obviously diagnosable as one thing or another, I am beyond frustrated at not seeming to fit ANYWHERE, and I am trying to show respect for the experiences of others here by not co-opting a label or identity that doesn't rightfully belong to me, THAT'S why I want a diagnosis.  Also, I am LOUSY at most people-centered aspects of work, I am slow to learn new skills & routines, I very much need the help of my state vocational-guidance center, and the more I know---and THEY know---about WHY I am the way I am, the better they might be able to help me, and, perhaps, the more sense I might be able to make of my own oddly coccooned life.  Would I want to be "cured" of whatever makes me different?  Still no.  I just would like to know what exactly it IS...and learn to harness its powers for good.  Preferably while I'm still young & beautiful... :lol:

That's all for now.  Have a good weekend, everybody.  Feedback welcome...