Aspies For Freedom

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Amy, thanks that I can rant here. I will.

And now for something completely different, my personal rant. Abreviated, because I can go on for hours.

I'm so fed up with welfare, social services, etc.

I've been trying to communicate with social services that we're short on money. We are supposed to have 20% more in a month than we have. OK you can live under minimum for a while. We did it a long time last year and finally decided to ask for help at social services this year because we could not cope anymore. And so we were checked and were found in want of support. So we had our allowance. But it was not enough; about 20% short. It took me almost four months to get an answer on my documented request. And the answer was I should try taxes to get the money. But that seemed impossible. Then out of the blue came a polite letter social services had made a mistake and would pay that what was due since februari. We could almost live a month on that. But the letter is there. Rejoice. So somewhere the money is reserved for us. But its not on our account yet. They will probably pay that on payday and have interest from it for another 10 days.
But we're broke now, completely broke. And I did want to try to do something nice with the kids this holiday. Last summer holiday I cracked in the only week I had of, so they did not have any vacation things at all. Now we're not even having a daytrip again. I get so pissed. And feel such a stupid person. Why did I not go ranting there. It could/should have been solved so much sooner.

Then there is reintegration in the workforce (wry smile). They keep losing me. I called in november that I'd like to work in a safe place with nice routine, voluntarily, if needed, to get better. I think work will help me getting my routine healthy again. Good work that is.
I want to work but they keep losing me. In november they told me they would invite me soon. I called in januari. Got the question 'did we not call you yesterday'. Yeh right, I am gullible, but not that gullible. So I had an appointment end of januari. According to the letter I would get an invitation to see a docter in 3 weeks. The man I was talking to said, better make that 6, course we can't realise 3. Something medical came inbetween, so the next appointment was begin may.(more than 12 weeks) Then I was told I'd defenitely see someone in six weeks and we would make a plan. So half juli I called again. Got the question 'did you not receive a letter to invite you? Lets see, oh, no our new collegue does not know how the computer works. You should have received it, but we'll send it to you now' Again trying out how gullible I am. So I had my third appointment. It lasted 10 minutes, and we'll meet again in four months. The only good thing is I am allowed to look for a place to work, voluntarily or paid, on therapeutical basis myself. In four months time they might help me finding a place. Two months I could have accepted, I am waiting for a diagnosis, and it would be wise to know before reintergrating. But four months!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I have to admit, I am allowed to call if I want it sooner. But what the heck, I did the calling all the time because they lose me all the time.

It's taking so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And all the time you hear politicians say that there is so much fraude and there are so many people benefitting from social services that could easily work. Yeh, right. I'm not the only one with stories like this.

The goal of the whole reintegration thing is to keep people in society and have them somewhere doing something useful, if possible within 6 weeks after they get ill. Especially with breakdowns.

Ranted enough.

Let someone else do some ranting now.

Thanks
ROFLMAO (yes the same ROFLMAO you may have seen aimed anon at that Hating blog!)

"To correct everyone's misconception"

Hey, it wasn't my misconception, guess what, care to admit this statement was an overgeneralization? Fallacy of thought?

rossco Wrote:
At the and of the day Erkolos if you have gained nothing else from you sojourn here, know in yourself, you can and have gone toe to toe with a wide variety of people of different nationalities, ages and other diversities of people.....this teacher is a person. That is all. The are another person. Their power is illusionary. They do what all of us do. They have strengths and failing and are not (despite their seeming authority) omnipotent or all-powerful. They are just a salaried employee hired to do a job like most of us here - which they are good bad or indifferent at.
Their intellect and intelligence and life experience is different to yours but not necessary better.
You will be out of this instituionised hell they call school very soon and the trial and tribulations you endure as student will be left behind soon enough. The trails and tribulations will become distant memories soon enough. All you have to do is work out want is going to best be used and focussed on to get to where you are wanting to go. Focus on what you need to take out of school


Very solid and practical, Rossco.

Erkolos Wrote:
Anyway, she commented on something I had handed in, I think the questions to the thing I handed in wasn't much to write on, still, it was apparently too short for her, and apparently all the other students had written at least two pages on these two pretty damn precise questions.

Aaargh! I hate when teachers (and other people too, but not that much because a teacher is a teacher and should be sure what he wants from students, right?) do this! I mean, ask precise questions and want a response for a 'wider' one. Or tease for not being able to concentrate on many things at one time.
Hearing many remarks on this (not only from teachers though) I started to hate myself for being so 'handicapped' and I managed to change myself. Now what? I have huge problems with concentrating on one thing I didn't have before.
And changing way of thinking to fit subjects I had at primary school and didn't require too much logic, affected my way of thinking in general (so now learning physics or maths can feel quite painful sometimes). Now I have to learn to be myself once again. Yeah, I got rid of most anxiety when things are in chaos, I managed to make myself an another person! But the feeling of losing my own self is horrible. I'd rather be confused about the world in general all the time but had back my order of mind. I believe I finally will, but it requires time and true accepting myself the way I ... were.
I find it hard to do.
Hating yourself and changing to fit the majority of people is not remunerative AT ALL. And I say this with really useful social skills I wouldn't have if I didn't try to change.
You probably wonder how can a person who claims to have a logical mind CHANGE it. Well, sometimes so do I. And sometimes I believe it's the power of hate.
Maybe I'm just imagining things.

Anyway yesterday my mom was at school at parents' meeting. She talked to my chemistry and physics teacher and both told her I'm not studying at all.
The funny thing is that the second one told almost every parent the same thing, no matter if they study or not. Seems that's a part of her teaching technique.
And about chemistry... I told my mom it seems quite unlogical to me. She said she understands. I told her that I just can't learn a thing that I don't understand if it's not about computers. She said it's normal that I have to understand it first.
But when I get a bad mark from a totally boring topic... she no longer understands.

The new thing that has added itself to my problems with school is fear of getting a bad mark on maths and physics - seems the more I care not to get it, the bigger is the chance I do. I have never experienced it before... My parents tell I'm just one big liar and I am not to be trusted at all. Now they are treating me like I was a thing, not a person. Like I didn't have any rights anymore, mom even enters bathroom without knocking when I'm using it and dad ignores me.

I guess I'm finished with my rant. Glad here's a rant-topic like this! Cool

alectrum Wrote:

Lucie1 Wrote:
I remember feeling so incredibly disappointed on a couple of occassions when I realised my dad wasn't going to die - he pulled through.
I don't know what happened with your mum ..... my feeling is that making contact might help healing (broken relationships like that cause pain, no matter how much we block it) --- of course my thoughts and feelings may be well, well off the mark. They are only based on my experiences, not yours.


The horrible thing about an aspie memory is that you can recall every bad thing they said to you... and maybe that wouldn't have been so bad an you could forgive them if they hadn't of said it (and done it) more than once.  

The best thing about an aspie memory is that you can recall every bad thing they said to you... and the things they said more than once because they were screwed up.

Other people don't get to realise how truely screw up their parents were unless they had a memory like an aspie - and that memory allows us to be free.  We don't have to be the opposite of our parents (because that will bring us into deep water too).  We don't have to be the same.  We can see the patterns we don't like and chose more positive ways of dealing with negative times.

Through a fluke of nature - we are free.  As intense as every memory second may be throughout our learning process - ultimately we abide - and fly.


Sometimes it would be nice not to remember every little thing. For that random moment 40 years past not to suddenly push itself into consciousness. It doesn't seem to be a thing I can control.

Here is what I can control, and DID control, that made things much better. When that random moment pushes itself into my consciousness, I do not dwell on it. I accept it, give it its moment of time, and send it away. Whatever I let my mind dwell upon plays a large role in who I am, so I do not dwell upon things that bring bad feelings.  I remember the lessons, but put away the memories.

Clarification -- "that random moment 40 years past" does not refer to any single specific occurrence, but was intended as a broad reference to very old memories suddenly popping up.

tenaciouscj Wrote:
I mean, I haven't suddenly grown 3 heads and besides, I've heard other people say far stranger stuff.

I once said ' elucidate ' with similar results.Rolleyes

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