Aspies For Freedom

I am the Mom of an Aspie girl, 15.

Reading the posts today (one by a woman who was verbally abused by her father as a child) I was wondering 1) how many (what percentage roughly) of Aspies were verbally abused as children at home or at school.

My daughter never had to deal with that thank God (at least from 99% of adults) thanks to IEPs, written materials that were handed out at the beginning of the school term, and frequent interventions by her father or me with clueless staff or family....

2) Having surfed here about two weeks, I don't read a lot about other Aspies being in their own world a lot. My daughter is in her own world/reality about 50-60% of the time I would guess.

In some respects we all live in our own world(s), but was wondering how many here (adult Aspies) live in their own world that often (50-60% at least) and still as adults have to make an effort to step out of it to either attend to chores, work duties, or to even reply to others.

My daughter also "self talks" a lot. Her Dad does too in the shower, and I think he is on the spectrum too a little!

Now I am ok with the above (I don't want to change her!) but it becomes a problem at school as she misses probably about 60% of what goes on (the instruction). To remedy that I have to either have her tutored (time consuming and sometimes expensive) or tutor her myself (exhausting sometimes!).

I am also going to pay a tutor $35/45 minutes/session this summer so she can learn some study skills.

Thanks for all insight you can give. I hope I am welcome here even though I am an NT. If not, let me know. I am a big believer in people having their own forums or private clubs, without interference. I went to a girl's school, my brother went to an all-male military college, etc. so I have no problem with necessary exclusivity!

I.e., if you would rather I not post, let me know and I will oblige! Thanks!

thanks everybody!

Verbal abuse - not from an adult, at least no more than the average NT kid. But I do believe being teased constantly by peers (which I was in about 2nd - 4th grade) and even "friends" is just as bad.

Living in my own world - whenever I can get there. I can usually get there pretty easily, too. My NT acquaintance keeps saying, "Why do look like you're staring at nothing?" I usually reply with, "I'm finding the imaginary people in head a little bit more interesting than History right now." And she always laughs. At least that's better than the "OHMYGOSH, she must be slipping into insanity!" sympathetic looks some people give. But I wouldn't know how to percentage it...

I must say that even though my daughter lives in her own world a lot she is the happiest Aspie I've yet met or heard about with the possible exception of a young Aspie teen (male) who lives in a nearby city. He is an Aspie savant and his Dad is a shrink.

Also, since she was little she would discuss whatever teasing occurred at school with the attitude of "what is their problem?" (at least most of it). I would tell her why I thought it occurred, ask her to accept and acknowledge any part she had in the incident, then tell her to always "consider the source". I remember talking about one male teacher in psychological detail so she would understand his demons, his shortcomings.  She has really good defense mechanisms! I wish I could ignore hurts as well as she does now.

Hi Ellen and welcome.  Any pro-Aspie NT is welcome here!

I didn't realize how much I was in my own world until I had a baby, and was rather violently pulled out of it!  For a long time I couldn't figure out why it was so incredibly hard to be a mother, when it is "advertised" as the easiest, most natural job in the world, so easy in fact that it deserves neither salary nor respect.  What it demands is attention to others, constant, literally 24/7 attention to the baby.    When I was told that she was autistic, I read Greenspan's Engaging Autism and he wrote that I had to spend every waking minute absorbed in her interests, which I did, and which I found, again, unbelievably difficult.

For me, living in my own world means having a pretty much constant running dialogue with myself in my head.  Not schizophrenia, I assure you.  I don't hear voices, but I do talk to myself, sometimes out loud.  Also, the blank affect look is often just the autistic version of "lost in thought".  I really dislike the terms "blank affect" and "neutral facial expression", as these are both negative connotations for what I believe is a totally positive concept, "lost in thought."

I agree with the poster who suggested a more visual approach for your daughter.  Many Aspies are self taught, you just have to provide access to the materials.  My daughter taught herself to read at the age of three and a half, and my sister taught herself Calculus at the age of sixteen.  I pretty much taught myself Electrical Engineering by finding alternative textbooks.

Your daughter is lucky to have you advocating for her.  So many parents just want their kids to be fixed, and conform.

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"I think both NTs and AS are in their own world, very often in fact, just in different ways."
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Absolutely true. Most people constantly think about themselves or their situation and the single biggest mistake we make imo is projecting our thoughts upon others- i.e., every slight had SOMETHING to do with US, when really the person might not have gotten enough sleep the night before, had a fight with his wife that day, etc., etc. I try now to not see every response as somehow a reflection of me. After 54 years I really want to escape from my inherent great sensitivity for once (Pisces + red hair (I am literally thin skinned)+ a spiritual nature = a human sponge where others are concerned).  My biggest gripe about people is how selfish most of them are, how touchy. In the US you can't say jacksh&&t about anything, however minor, without offending somebody. It's exhausting walking on tiptoe all the time! Women are even worse than men I've found, but I digress.

So, yes, most people, NT or AS or whatever, live in their own world approx. 24/7.

Here's a great exercise, but hard to do: Try to go a whole day without using the word "I". It will point out to you how much your thinking revolves around your own petty interests.

That doesn't quite work as intended. I am an object in the real world. Referring to myself per se isn't an indication that I think the world is all about me or my petty interests, or that I'm in my own little world or whatever. If I call myself "I" or "me" or "Simen" or whatever, I'm still referring to an object in this world. On the other hand if I referred to myself as the ruler of a fictional utopia, that could be seen as a sign of withdrawing into a fantasy world, narcissism, or both.

Evidence, please.

There are many artists with great social skills. And there are artists that don't have great social skills. As there are with other folk. Sorry, that's not enough for me.

I don't doubt that. I just don't think labelling the majority of people in a profession "closet aspies" without any evidence is a bit uninformed.

Why isn't there an edit button here? Anyway, I obviously meant that I do think labelling the majority of people in a profession "closet aspies" without any evidence is a bit uninformed. Mentally strike out the "don't", please

You have still got no evidence, even for painters and sculptors.

Your personal and general life experience does not include havig met the majority of sculptors or painters, I'd wager, so it's very thin to base sweeping generalizations on it. What some random person on the internet claims to have of life experience is unfortunately not plenty of evidence, and it's not good enough to use when talking about everyone in a specific group.

Erkolos, scientists must base their hypotheses on evidence. It's the defining characteristic of science. Asking me to lower my standards for evidence in the name of science is laughable, since science is all about evidence.