Aspies For Freedom

Basically my mother is on the verge of leaving my stepdad.
When I was a kid I was self-centered and selfish, mean and/or nice when it suited my mood and/or I wanted something, often generally something of bully to my siblings, getting into dramatic hijinks to get my way.
(please note that any negative behavoir was not a result of my parent's divorce or subsequent marriage, I was actually quite pleased with all that attention. also my behavoir in this case has NOTHING to do with AS)
My stepdad tried his best and did plenty of nice things for me in the beginning, but after three or four years got really disillusioned, by the time I was in my teens he didn't want to speak to me at all or have anything to do with me besides his duty. there is a lot of antagonism towards my mother because of how I was and can still be sometimes. It really has gone a long way in wrecking the whole family unit. I'm really not sure what i can do now because it has gotten to the stage where very little can be done.

what are you asking ?
if its advice. if you did some bad thing , make sure you undo it and compenset the injured.
are you a good person ?

cant_think_of_a_username Wrote:

Basically my mother is on the verge of leaving my stepdad.
When I was a kid I was self-centered and selfish, mean and/or nice when it suited my mood and/or I wanted something, often generally something of bully to my siblings, getting into dramatic hijinks to get my way.

(please note that any negative behavoir was not a result of my parent's divorce or subsequent marriage, I was actually quite pleased with all that attention. also my behavoir in this case has NOTHING to do with AS).

My stepdad tried his best and did plenty of nice things for me in the beginning, but after three or four years got really disillusioned, by the time I was in my teens he didn't want to speak to me at all or have anything to do with me besides his duty.

There is a lot of antagonism towards my mother because of how I was and can still be sometimes. It really has gone a long way in wrecking the whole family unit. I'm really not sure what i can do now because it has gotten to the stage where very little can be done.

That's very sad. I wonder if it would be a good idea to write your step-dad a letter apologising for behaving badly when you were younger and saying how much you appreciated all the good things he did for you.

I know it's late but really, you've nothing to lose and maybe something to gain by doing this.

Thanks tenaciouscj... the trouble is, I did write him a letter to apologise, thank him and try to improve my behaviour... but it was too late, I guess, so it didn't do any good. Every time I screwed up it just made things a lot worse since it 1) proved that i wasn't... sincere? 2) he can't forget any of my behavoir when I was a kid so it just piles up even further.
He's hated me the way a grown person hates another grown person since I was in my early to mid teens..
I wish I knew better when i was 13... honestly...

tenaciouscj Wrote:

cant_think_of_a_username Wrote:

Basically my mother is on the verge of leaving my stepdad.
When I was a kid I was self-centered and selfish, mean and/or nice when it suited my mood and/or I wanted something, often generally something of bully to my siblings, getting into dramatic hijinks to get my way.

(please note that any negative behavoir was not a result of my parent's divorce or subsequent marriage, I was actually quite pleased with all that attention. also my behavoir in this case has NOTHING to do with AS).

My stepdad tried his best and did plenty of nice things for me in the beginning, but after three or four years got really disillusioned, by the time I was in my teens he didn't want to speak to me at all or have anything to do with me besides his duty.

There is a lot of antagonism towards my mother because of how I was and can still be sometimes. It really has gone a long way in wrecking the whole family unit. I'm really not sure what i can do now because it has gotten to the stage where very little can be done.

That's very sad. I wonder if it would be a good idea to write your step-dad a letter apologising for behaving badly when you were younger and saying how much you appreciated all the good things he did for you.

I know it's late but really, you've nothing to lose and maybe something to gain by doing this.

That's such a shame. Surely he has to realise that a child can't be expected to behave the same as an adult?

Your writing may not have done anything to change the situation, but at least it is an acknowledgement by you that you recognize your mistakes. If you have learned and grown from the experience then that, in itself, is something positive. We learn. We grow. Everything has purpose.

I hope you can forgive yourself for being human, and also not accept the blame for your step dad's decision, whatever it is. He is making his choice for his own reasons.

Have you talked to your mom about how you feel?

can't think of user name --- I think it is not unusual for children (I don't know your age) to blame themselves when parents marriages/relationships break up .
I doubt very much if the relationship break up is related to you. Don't do this to yourself. Adults make their own choices for their own reasons.

Quote:

The separation is not their fault. Children of all ages often blame themselves for their parents' separation. They feel that perhaps they caused the break-up of the family because they were "not good enough."

http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=2-29-67
I don't know if I am allowed to reference websites - I typed "relationship breakups and children blame" into google - have a look - you will see more.

cant_think_of_a_username

armelion

tenaciouscj

cant_think_of_a_username

tenaciouscj

hrick

nadinebrwn

Lucie1