Aspies For Freedom

What is it that is the most important to focus to prevent?

• That the child experience a meltdown

• That the child acts inappropriatily when experiencing a meldown

*wonders what AFF members will respond*

Not only sensory overload, but also other frustrating situations.

It often seems that preventing the inappropriate behavior is the most practical option for parents, it could be that they try to make their child used to the thing that causes sensory overload.

I have to admit that I have no idea, but here it goes:
Meltdown's behavior is often caused by an experience that could be felt traumatic. If the child doesn't have an outlet for what they feel and just have to accept the sensory overload I think that could be severly damaging for the child's mental state.

After a while, it should become more obvious what kinds of situations lead to meltdowns. Then, it's best to either avoid the situation or have a plan as to what to do if the child gets upset eg. take them outside to calm down.

Sorry, I was ease dropping so to speak. My first thought…. Is this a trick question?  

This is the other half of the hrick pair, writing here, that is mom of hrick,  so I feel at least somewhat qualified to speak to this one.

I’ll preface my answer by saying not all meltdowns are sensory overload and what I am about to say applies only to sensory meltdowns.  I should also preface it by saying some meltdowns can not be avoided.  When small M would dissolve into complete giddy’s whenever he had to go to the bathroom. Not much you can do about that one.


First,  if M has a meltdown then I see it as being an indication of my failing not his.  
M can't always recognize the triggers. I can.  He also is not mentally present for a large part of the meltdown, so neither does he experience much of the outcome (embarrassment) that may accompany it.  The embarrassment, while not pleasant, is a nonetheless a nonissue.  Our entire life in an exercise in sensory desensitization. Sometimes the only way to come to deal with something is through exposure to it.  Heck, if we hadn’t practiced sensory desensitization M might well have starved as a child because he could not stand the simple texture of food in his mouth.


For us, the most significant issue with meltdowns is SAFETY.
It becomes an issue of physical safety (and property damage) for the person experiencing the meltdown, for the people around him, for the person attempting to help them through it.  And the danger is not just as to what the individual having the meltdown will do, but also how it will be interpreted and acted upon by others.   I will never forget the experience of an acquaintance of mine who is now sonless because of  this. .  She and her husband left their son with “respite” so that they could attend a family wedding.  The boy experienced a meltdown in home.  The respite, a new worker , panicked and called police. The police, who responded without realizing what they were responding to, shot and killed the boy.

And from personal experience, I still remember quite vividly the day some man tried to jump over the  bathroom stall at the ball stadium to get to my husband and son on the other side. My husband had taken M to the bathroom and that is just where he happened to meltdown. The outside observer misinterpreted the sounds he was hearing and thought my husband was abusing our son in there. If I hadn’t come looking for them, I can’t begin to imagine what might have happened.

For Safety reasons we put avoiding meltdown as first priority.  How we do that though  is by teaching appropriate behavior, not appropriate behavior during meltdown, but what is appropriate behavior BEFORE meltdown, i.e. asking to leave or for help.  M may not be able to recognize the immediate trigger to his meltdowns,  but  he has come to recognize certain precursors I miss, such as how his body is functioning on any given day.  Teaching him to ask to leave, or for help and then HONORING  those requests , even when they appear to make no sense to me, has gone a long way in eradicating public meltdowns altogether. Our sense of mutual respect is enhanced,  and are also now able to enjoy experientially a much fuller life because he is willing to try a lot more things, secure in the knowledge that if it gets to be too much, he can stop.  

I'll ask hrick to reply to this as part of his independent typing today.  His autism is sensory dysfunction based. Be interesting to know if his thoughts on it are equal mine and only fair to provide you with an autists response.

Mike writes:

What is your goal, comfort or function?  I am always having to balance the two.  Discomfort is the cost of functioning in the world. Overload is the result of too much sensory discomfort.  Like a fuse blowing out it is for me.  My mind ceases to communicate with my body.  I have chosen to allow a conditioned response.  I give my body up to my mom or dad until I find me again.  Now I can fear my own overload.  I am big and I can hurt.  I learn to stop before I can’t stop. What is appropriate during overload, I do not know.  I do not know to feel anything then.  I can focus on mom’s voice only.  I give my body control to her to do what brings me back.  It is a huge trust to give.  To not do though is a huger sin.  Many like me stay in their world because this one is too much for them.  We are the severe sensory motor Autists.  To not overload is also to not experience life.  I doubt you envisioned it that way, but for some on the spectrum it is.  I choose to live and that means overloading.

Hrick's mom gave me much insight in how a parent could handle meltdowns.

The reason I made this question is because from several forum's post a parent would say something like:

"I can't just let him have a meltdown whenever we go outside"

I might have misinterpreted this, but it kind of conflicts with what I thought meltdowns really are. From a such post I perceive that the parents insinuate that it is the boy's fault that he is having a meltdown and that it is a behavior issue.

I realize that the poll question has to be a mix where the "That the child experience a meltdown" option is the most ideal, but not always possible or reasonable.

When I'm outside and I'm having problems with my NS - then I'll put on dark glasses.  When I'm outside and my kid is having problems I give her the dark glasses and my mp3 player.  So - np then... :-)

I hope this won't be taken the wrong way but I don't understand why someone would have a meltdown if they had to go to the toilet (unless the smell got to them). But there must be a logical explanation nevertheless - I just don't know it.

I can imagine it has something to do with what the person expects at the toilet.

I suppose, but it is still baffling....

Maybe it should be allowed for as part of their routine. Then there wouldn't be such a problem.

I won't get into the technical explanation, but it has to do with the internal tubing or piping so to speak.  I am told the sensation is like that of someone tickling you.  If ticklish, you may not want to laugh, but you have no choice. Hope that helps. mom of hrick

i.e.  it is the physical sensation that sets him off.... as if someone were tickling you.
Mom of hricko

Regarding meltdowns when having to go to the toilet, I don't know about anyone else, but in my case it's generally down to the fact that the sensation of having to go is excruciatingly painful by the time I notice it at all, and it overrides many of my other systems, including often the ones that allow me to get to the toilet easily.

So I am sitting there.  And there's this pain in my crotch that's overriding a ton of other things in my brain.  And I might at that point be well aware that I need to get to the toilet.  And if I'm doing something even slightly brain-consuming already, that's possibly enough to tip me over the edge into overload right there.  Add to that the fact that at that point it will be impossible for me to communicate about such a sensation most of the time, despite a possible desire to.  And difficult to find the rest of my body to initiate movement.  And it's just a recipe for a meltdown (or shutdown).  What I'm surprised about is that it would be hard to imagine this somehow, because it's very easy for me to imagine (possibly because it happens to me fairly regularly).