Aspies For Freedom

Hello all. This post is also my intro, so greetings to all! I'm a 37 year old guy in need of some stress-free communication. This is by far the most active site I've seen for aspies, and I'm hoping you guys can help to clear up my utter confusion for me.

Basically, I've been to see my GP this morning as I think I have Asperger's, but I'm not 100% sure.

All my life I've had a tendency to be a little stiff and robotic with people, awkward in conversation and wary of eye contact. Social banter and chit-chat is something I just can't do and I tend to be a wall-flower in social situations. I tend to think of clever things to say about ten minutes too late and the conversation has already moved on. This all tends to lead to social isolation for me as I feel much more comfortable just 'doing my own thing'.

I'm also obsessed with order and structure. I've spent god knows how many hours researching theories of the beginning of the universe, theories of evolution, theories of the strucutre and nature of society, advent of , philosophy, democracy, rational thought etc etc just so I can bring order to everything in my own mind. I'm also a litle obsessed with informal debate logic and tend to be very logical in my dealings with people.

This often obsessive and anti-social behaviour (hours spent buried in books and on the 'net) has led to the ending of an 11 year relationship.

The thing that confuses me is empathy: I always score highly on empathy tests and can read people very well, I just can't communicate in a normal manner with them. Is empathy important in Aperger's diagnosis? Is it possible to be an aspie and still have empathy? Please excuse my utter ignorance, I'm new to all this.

I also don't see any problems with reading people, but the thing is that I don't really interact much with other than my family, so I really don't know.

I know what you mean. I'm only really comfortable in the company of a few people I know very well. I've only ever socialised because it's expected of me from people like partner's, collegues etc. I've never particularly enjoyed it though. Just a 'relaxed' night at the bowling alley with work-mates can be a bit of a trauma for me and I tend to guzzle copius amounts of booze to be able to cope!

Still no word about from my GP about a referral. I wish she'd hurry up, my life is falling apart in front of my eyes - relationship over, job lost, increasing isolation. I could probably deal with these things if I could just go outside and face up to life, but it seems beyond me. I don't feel depressed, just hopeless.

My GP promised to referr me to a psychoanalyst to help me develop some coping tactics while she gets me an appointment with a psychologist. I know it's not going to be a panacea, but I just wish I could offload some of this stuff and get some constructive help.

Hi Scribbler. From your descriptions you and I seem very much alike. I recognise myself in your posts. Only I've never had a relationship and haven't lost my current job yet. I'm 42. I'm uncertain whether I have AS but am not planning to get diagnosed.

Thanks for the reply, five. Hearing from people with similar problems is always comforting, as bizarre as that sounds! I hope you're coping better than I am, it sounds like it. I probably just need more time to find my new identity and learn new ways to deal with life. My past coping methods have been questionable to say the least, either it's total avoidance or a reliance on booze, speed, cocaine or ecstacy to be 'sociable'.

Thankfully I grew out of using the latter three a few years back!

As for diagnosis, I can understand you not wanting to know, but for me it would be a blessed relief.

About empathy: I also think I can read people well. But I can't do the small talk. Someone who left at work after I had helped her gave me a book about empathy as a gift. I guess that was a silent way of saying something to me...

I know what you mean. I can feel deep empathy/sympathy for people, but verbaly it always comes out in cliches: 'time heals all wounds/you'll get over it' etc etc. Maybe I should only offer my support in written form in future! I can express myself amazingly deeply there, but never verbally.

I´m not certain in what degree I´m an Aspie.

I also have the depth of feeling. But I lack the verbal skills to express it, and in my case also in written form I'm not good.
But look at this Aspie forum, many Aspies write poetry with deep feeling so that form of empathy is not an indication that you couldn´t be Aspie. But I´m on this forum very short and I´m not an expert on Asperger´s.
Sorry for the short sentences, english is not my language.