Aspies For Freedom

I'm trying to teach Aidia, who is 5, how to know how people feel so she will understand when a person is happy, sad, aggravated, etc. I can show her pictures of a person smiling and she says 'happy', or a picture of a person crying and she says 'sad', etc. But she doesn't understand the emotions behind the facial expression. People keep telling me that this is a common trait with aspies, but there has to be a way to teach her.
Is there something I can do to help her learn, or will it just come naturally with time?
Thanks, Annie

Personally I think that with time she will grasp more, and understand it in her own way.
It will come from her own experiences of feeling sad and happy, and that may take a long time for her to realise and understand her own emotions, until then grasping how others fell would be very hard.

Instead of showing a small child pictures of facial expressions as a structured lesson, which is likely to result in rote memorization without understanding, I think it's more useful to discuss emotions in everyday conversation.  For example, if your daughter does something helpful around the house, such as picking up toys without being asked or offering to set the table, you could say, "Thank you, it makes me happy that you're being so helpful."  Or if you see a child having a tantrum on the playground and yelling nasty names at another child, you could comment on how angry he looks and how sad the other child probably feels.

Yeah, I guess that's what I'll have to do so she can pick up on more of the abstract side of emotions. She's a very rote learner, so I would have to do more than just show her pictures.
Annie

At five, I don't think it's that uncommon to not get facial things. I don't think most NTs get it at that age, so I wouldn't be surprised if it took a while.

Have you (or anyone here) heard of RDI .. that is, Relationship Development Intervention.  This is the site address:  http://www.rdiconnect.com
It looks as if these "schools" are popping up all over the U.S.  

Apparently .. as soon as the parent gets an autistic (spectrum) diagnosis for their child .. many of those parents "enroll" their children at very early ages.  The thinking is that the earlier these children "begin" the better chance they have to lead as "normal" a life as possible.  

justhoping

The way I taught my son how people feel was to ask him how he would feel himself. For example if he took something that belonged to another kid I asked how he'd feel if that kid would take his toys.

First thing is to decide between feeling "good" and "bad" and later I was going on and telling him in examples how I feel in a certain situation.

Sibylle

Hi jcsmom, welcome to AFF.

Are you so sure that your daughter does not understand emotions? As an aspie I find this judgement somewhat offensive. I may not pick up on social cues and respond in a sentimental way during social interactions, but I can perceive other people's perspectives and feelings. Our difference is a cultural issue rather than a pathology. I am concerned that if you lead your child to believe that her thought process is sick she will suffer an impact on her self esteem and other problems.

It is not always the main neccessarity to understand your child (maybe you can't, because it's inner world might be miles away from yours), but to stand in for it. To defend it's ways when it's different, tell the people off who radically want to change it or accuse it of bad-will or things alike. Maybe you have a good feeling for your childs intentions, if it's really kind of naughty sometimes or just doesn't understand the situation. (being autistic does not make a child being an angel all the time - I know, I once have been a child myself and defenitively sometimes wanted trouble)

One thing I really missed as a child, was my mother standing in front of me, defending me (I don't know, if she did in secret) and showing me she defended me. I always, way up into adulthood (and even now, sometimes) thought I'd have to do all fights on my own, had no help, noone ever would stand by my side. And because of not being able to imagine that someone would help me with my fights, I often did not see when there was someone trying (I did not expect someone to be there).

So, even if you don't always find the way to understand your child (I can't say, that I always understand my AS son, even being AS myself), there is other ways to help.

Sibylle

Hi Chrismommy. What issues does he have with food? When I was a child I had extreme likes and dislikes and some food phobias. I have to say that nagging made it all worse. Do you have any alternative approaches?

What behaviours are you struggling with? Is the light thing very recent?

Hi and welcome, chrismommy!

I think it might be best to give him two or three small meals in the afternoon and evening (depending on what time you eat dinner and what time you send him to bed), and for the most part, "leave him to his own devices."  His eating habits can be expected to show some natural improvement as he grows older and develops a longer attention span.

Yes, it's good to get a child in the habit of eating dinner with the family, and he shouldn't be allowed to wander off and play video games while everyone else is eating, but telling him to take a certain number of bites seems counterproductive because it makes the dinner meal a stressful occasion.  Just tell him to sit at the table until everyone else has finished eating, and don't count his bites.  Whatever he doesn't eat can be warmed up later (or the next day) and eaten as a snack.

Also, because he is 8 years old, he should take at least some of the responsibility for preparing himself a snack if he doesn't eat a full meal with the family.  You shouldn't always have to do extra work.

My aspie son learned how to use the microwave when he was 2 years old.  He woke up early one morning and decided to eat a leftover hamburger for his breakfast, and he carefully took it out of the refrigerator and put it on a plate, which he got out of the dishwasher because he couldn't reach the cupboards.  He didn't know how to set the time properly on the microwave, and he ended up cooking the hamburger for five minutes, but he was so proud of himself that he ate the charred remains of it anyway.

Maybe he had got into the habit of being told how many bites to have. I think that really that is a bad habit as it is actually making him more dependant on your input.
I think if he has his food, and then is left to his own devices as Bonnie says, then if he has a small snack for supper, before bedtime, then it shouldn't do any harm.

Are his motor skills slowing him down with cutting up his food? Have you noticed if he manages better with finger food?

That's good. :smile:

I think a good way to help your daughter understand emotions, is through cartoons. I'd suggest Anime, because the characters are developed much more realistically, where American cartoons tend to just be a bunch of non-sensical slapstick.

I'd reccomend Spirited Away by Hayao Miyazaki, as well as My Neighbor Totoro by him. Although My Neighbor Totoro, deals with the idea of maybe losing a parent, so that might be too upsetting a concept for your daughter. I just remembered, after I shut down the computer. That parental loss is also a theme in Spirited Away, because the parents are turned into pigs from eating the spirit's food. So I don't know if that might be upsetting as well.

Pokemon is very good, it's based on the idea of training Pokemon, which are like pet animals with special abilities, for competition. So it teaches social interaction based on a common interest/hobby. Also, some of the psychic Pokemon, have Aspie traits to them.

Like Psyduck and Wobbuffet. They don't really get the rules, like staying in their Pokeball until called for example, but are still accepted. Even though Misty does tend to get frustrated with her Psyduck at times, but later she feels sorry about it.

Another anime, called Panyo Panyo DiGi Charat would also be good. It really is more along the lines of silly slapstick. These girls, who are from a planet called Digicare, where everyone is like human-cats. They have cat ears and tails, but are mostly human. They go on different adventures, with Gema who's like their guardian. Alot of funny slapstick stuff happens to Gema, as well that his voice itself is pretty funny. It's a really fun cartoon.

I hope this has been help, in helping your daughter to understand emotions. I really think that the Japanese have a more intelligent way of encountering emotions, than other cultures tend to. So it's really good for Aspies, who tend to figure things out more from a logical perspective, rather than an intuitive perspective.