05-07-2007, 02:03 PM
I've always been socially awkward and have had trouble empathising with people but I had always assumed that this was just a personality trait and I didn't actually have a major problem. That was until I read the Asperger Wiki, and it filled all the criteria for my behaviour. I think I've always had it but it's been quite fluctuating, for example when I was around 5 I was taken to see a psycologist because of my bizarre behaviour at school. Apparently I refused to interact with my peers, and showed social ingorance and phobias e.g. I would hide under tables to stay out of sight from parents and would walk away from someone when they were in the middle of a conversation with me, clearly unassuming there was a conversation going on at all. Nevertheless, the therapist sayed that my diagnosis wasn't anything specific, other then the fact that I was of superior intelligence and was probably finding it hard to adjust for that reason.
My social isolation carried on through middle school, although this didn't have a negative impact on me since I prefered introspective communication to verbal. Instead I became lost in my own imagination,outwardly talking to myself with no regards to the social stigma I was giving off. I became infatuated with animals and inanimate objects such as books and cuddly toys, valueing them above other humans since they didn't have the capacity to judge me or think of me as eccentric, therefore they were the greatest friends I could attain. As I grew older, I noticed how everyone became so cautious of their image and other attributes like fashion and a certain type of music. I didn't see the point of conforming to everyone else, so I just did what I felt regardless of it's social impact. When I entered high school I went through a phase of choosing not to speak to anyone at all, partly because I felt that if I did talk people would judge me, and probably would have prefered for me not to exist at all, and partly because I abhor changes of all shapes and forms. I began to think that people would have prefered it if I didn't speak at all, that I was a bane to them, as well as to the rest of the world. Of course, this lead to depression, which lead to my academic performance going downhill. Apparently I am considered to be a language prodigy, and am capable of outperforming my peers, but I have problems completing tasks which are out of a set schedule, e.g. homework, so I have a bad reputation with teachers for that reason. I have also recently realised that I hardly ever look somebody in the eye. I just seem to do it subconciously, not presuming that it could be percieved as antisocial. I've been trying to work on this problem by simply forcing myself to do it, but my eyes just seem to be resisiting, wanting to look anywhere but directly at a person. I have also recently discovered that I have been seen as some arrogant and egocentrical. This doesn't make sense to me because I suffer from low self esteem presumably because of my Asperger's, and the only reason why I might give off that vibe is because I can be blunt when asked of my opinion. So, am I an Aspie? I'm 14.
My social isolation carried on through middle school, although this didn't have a negative impact on me since I prefered introspective communication to verbal. Instead I became lost in my own imagination,outwardly talking to myself with no regards to the social stigma I was giving off. I became infatuated with animals and inanimate objects such as books and cuddly toys, valueing them above other humans since they didn't have the capacity to judge me or think of me as eccentric, therefore they were the greatest friends I could attain. As I grew older, I noticed how everyone became so cautious of their image and other attributes like fashion and a certain type of music. I didn't see the point of conforming to everyone else, so I just did what I felt regardless of it's social impact. When I entered high school I went through a phase of choosing not to speak to anyone at all, partly because I felt that if I did talk people would judge me, and probably would have prefered for me not to exist at all, and partly because I abhor changes of all shapes and forms. I began to think that people would have prefered it if I didn't speak at all, that I was a bane to them, as well as to the rest of the world. Of course, this lead to depression, which lead to my academic performance going downhill. Apparently I am considered to be a language prodigy, and am capable of outperforming my peers, but I have problems completing tasks which are out of a set schedule, e.g. homework, so I have a bad reputation with teachers for that reason. I have also recently realised that I hardly ever look somebody in the eye. I just seem to do it subconciously, not presuming that it could be percieved as antisocial. I've been trying to work on this problem by simply forcing myself to do it, but my eyes just seem to be resisiting, wanting to look anywhere but directly at a person. I have also recently discovered that I have been seen as some arrogant and egocentrical. This doesn't make sense to me because I suffer from low self esteem presumably because of my Asperger's, and the only reason why I might give off that vibe is because I can be blunt when asked of my opinion. So, am I an Aspie? I'm 14.