Aspies For Freedom

I can't believe I did that.  I'm getting ready to go to work just like every morning.  I'm racing around (as usual) because I spend too much time on things that should only take a couple of minutes.  I tell my son, "Go ahead and get your coat and things and I'll meet you out in the car."  My son ALWAYS has to wait on me because of this silly morning routine of mine (he is always very patient and helpful, trying to make my morning whirlwind flight a little easier.
My son is already waiting in the car but I can't find my purse or my keys.  Nothing new here, I'm forever laying them down in the most bizarre places.  I'm rushing…..looking….melting down.  I HATE WORKING!  All I want to do today is lay in bed - fetal position - and let the world pass me by.  I've got to work!  If I don't I can't pay the bills…..where the heck is my purse and my keys!
My son is waiting out in the car and it's cold and we're going to be late.  I step out to tell him I can't find my purse and keys (again) and notice he's holding them up for me to see that he has them, "Let's go"  is the look I see in his posture.
This is when I really melt down.  
"Did you not realize that I've been looking EVERYWHERE for my purse and my keys?  Why didn't you just leave them where I could find them?  I can't lock the doors without my keys, can I?  That was a really stupid thing to do" - There it is - "….that was a really stupid thing to do…." I can't believe I said that.

What a horrible thing  to say.  "That was a really stupid thing to do."  Such a painful sentence.  I've always hated to  hear those words.  They make you feel about 6 inches tall.  
He explained to me he was just trying to help because he knows I can never find these two objects and he thought if he took them out to the car, it would be helpful.  He told me he was taking them, too.  I just didn't hear him because I was in my usual "morning zone" and I don't pay attention to anything but the morning routine.  
I explained to him that I needed my keys to lock up - Whatever.  It doesn't matter.  My explanation is so much babbling....I'm feeling like such a jerk for yelling out that worthless sentence.  "That was a really stupid thing to do".  My son told me that he felt as if by saying these words, I was calling him stupid.  I know what he means because that's how I feel when someone says them to me.  He was trying to help and I blew things out of proportion (as usual).  

I'd like to say this was an isolated incident.  I'd like to say that I never stress out and lash out at those that I love.  I'd really like to say that.

I'll try to salvage what I can of this day but all I can think about is how the day began.

Do you find that for you, executive function skills are lacking? Such as planning, organizing etc. I am lacking that, and it makes all the little things that some people find a breeze, very hard to do.
It all adds to the stress levels.

Yes Amy, very much so.  My Obsessive Compulsive Nature tends to slow me down, too.  Have you ever seen the "Monk" episode where Mr. Monk has to be a substitute teacher?  He begins class by trying to write his name on the board for the class to see but it becomes this long and drawn out ordeal because he wants all of the letters to be perfect and in equal size and shape.  He gets "lost" in his own actions by just making a period after the abrieviation Mr....moving the chalk around and around in a circular motion.  What should have taken a couple of minutes has now become most of the class time.  Meanwhile, the class is looking at each other like "what is going on here?"  That's so me.  I get lost just putting on socks!  I can daydream in a heartbeat, too and that can really slow me down.  I get up three hours earlier than I have to for this reason but still end up rushing out the door  :roll:

Ugh, I know how you feel...  I often get angry when I wish I wouldn't.  I always get absolutely infuriated when I can't find something as well.  There's not much you can do except to accept what you said, and try not to get hung up on it.