Aspies For Freedom

http://springfield.news-leader.com/healt...86666.html

'Parent to Parent' based on experiences with son
Book follows mother's journey from despair at autism diagnosis to being son's advocate.

By Kathryn Buckstaff
News-Leader

Branson — When Ann Boush�y's son Jon entered kindergarten, she thought he was a typical, if somewhat quirky, kid.

Different because he had already learned — on his own — to read by the age of 5. And he had hypersensitive hearing, causing him to become terrified by noisy surroundings.

For Boush�y, the shocking news that Jon was not so typical came during a conference with 12 educators toward the end of Jon's first year in school.

"The words I will never forget were, 'Yes, we know your son began reading at the age of 5, but he shows definite autistic-like behaviors,'" Boush�y writes in the book she's just had published called "Parent to Parent: Information and Inspiration for Parents Dealing with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome."

Initially, she rejected Jon's diagnosis of high-functioning autism. Then she read a book about autism.

"They were talking about my son," she writes. "This book was telling me that my child had a disability. He wasn't just unique or quirky. He was impaired, disabled — damaged."

Her book details her journey from despair to becoming her only son's greatest advocate.

That's an invaluable role, Sandy Miller, who was Jon's third-grade teacher, said.

"There is always something more parents can tell us about the things they've noticed over the years that work for their child," Miller said. "We all learn differently. These kids could become functional members of society if we just give them a chance."

Some form of autism is now diagnosed in one out of 500 children born in the United States, Boush�y said. Autism was lumped with childhood schizophrenia until the 1970s. And it wasn't until the 1990s that neurological disorders such as autism were classed as disabilities, enabling mainstream education.

The cause of autism remains unclear, but researchers believe genetic factors play a role. Boush�y read every book on the subject, attended conferences and talked to other parents. But something was missing, she said.

"I would read, get informed and then get depressed," Boush�y said. "What I didn't get in those books was some inspiration."

"Parent to Parent" is packed with resources, but it also contains touching stories about the joy Jon provides as well as uplifting quotations from other writers. She calls them "chicken nuggets," after her son's favorite food.

Jon is now 15 and in high school. She's told him that he has autism, but he's not overly concerned that he's different, she said.

"I don't think he worries about his future," Boush�y said.

He loves computer animation and says someday he wants to direct animated feature films. That may be possible if he were to find the right niche and a willing mentor. He also loves libraries, so a degree in library science is possible.

"Even though he's high-functioning, as a parent, even with a typical child, you want them to have a practical background," she said. "Even if your child wants to be an NBA star, you'd probably suggest they go to college and maybe get a teaching degree to fall back on."

Her book was published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, which specializes in books on autism — in fact, some of the authors are autistic.

She's already working on a sequel: "Now that my son is older, my questions change daily."

Ultimately, the book is Jon's biography.

"I think everyone has a book in them," Boush�y said. "There's a theory in literature that if you don't write your life, you don't have a life. Disabled kids can't write their lives, so I'm doing it for him."

Well.  that is what AFF is here to fight!  and sadly if you read the article
, she seems to have bought this.

Excuse, He is diabled?? not quirky?? How the mind set changes?? This kid seems so smart but yet as a disabled child HE CANNOT WRITE ABOUT HIS LIFE!!!!!!  excuse typical disjointed NT logic

This kid learned, on his own, to read and write before he started school, but his mother thinks he's not capable of writing about his own life?  If that's her idea of inspiration, I'd hate to see what she thinks is depressing.  

But why does he love libraries? Not for their own sake, very likely, but for the information they provide. How does that make her think he might want to study library science? Why not support him in his computer animation direction?

Personally, my mother stopped me from doing anything I wanted, claiming I wasn't capable of doing it. I wanted to go to high school, so I could go to university (I wished I could have studied computer science, like my older brother), but she said I wasn't smart enough and made me go to middle school instead (two entirely different schools/directions in Germany). I wanted to become a nurse, she 'convinced' me (with the help of others), that since I was so good in German, I should work in an office, and found me an apprenticeship (I had no say in this). She dragged me and my (aspie) dad to the interview, did most of the talking and I was in for the three most hellish years of my life up to then (and my life was hell before that already).

If these 'helpful' mothers would just listen to their kids and let them do what they choose to do themselves, life would be a whole lot easier for those kids. They are disabled only by being pushed into the choices made by others, who aren't listening to them. If you are made to study what doesn't suit you, and pushed into the wrong profession, you end up depressed and doing very poorly in every aspect of your life.

My mother did the same thing to my sister (another aspie). My sister wanted to become a pediatric nurse, but since, in my mother's opinion, she was too dumb (she is of average intelligence), she found her an apprenticeship in a bakery. Christa dropped out before she was done, and has been floundering ever since (for the past 30 years), never being in any one job for longer than a year.

Strangely, she let my brothers do whatever they chose, so all six (including the three aspies) are exactly what is right for them, and are doing very well professionally. So, of the aspies, one is a computer analyst, one is a travel agent, and one is a music teacher, and the three NTs are a teacher for handicapped (braindamaged) children, a policeman and a support worker for handicapped adults.

One can only wonder what she would have done with us if she would have known that we are supposed to be 'handicapped'!

My grandfather prevented my mother from making her own choices, so she did the same thing to my sister and me. As far as I am concerned, it would have been a lot more logical for her to make very sure, that her girls wouldn't suffer the same fate as her!

Why is it that a lot of parents suddenly change their views when they get a diagnosis for their child?

The young aspie goes from quirky/gifted to disabled.

Lived it.

Because when you've spent a couple of years gloating over how clever and different your child is, and then you're suddenly told all the things you loved are SYMPTOMS you have to change, it does weird things to your head. And when you're told, further, that if you don't change and surpress those 'symptoms' you're child's life will be cr@p, it makes you panic.

That's why I think its so important to reach parents who are going through the diagnostic phase BEFORE they lose their heads and jump at any solution offered to 'save' their offspring from a fate worse than death, which how its portrayed all too often. We need positive examples for parents to follow, and less 'victims'.

I totally agree with that, some parents are given a dx and then just go home and dont know what to do. They often are not given any kind of prognosis, and may think that a non-verbal child will stay that way forever. That a 3 year old will not develop any further. Most will develop more skills, and do it without ABA intervention.

Sorry to disappoint you, but there's a fair few Aspies (myself included although I never studied this) who are very much "into" library sciences because the predictability and categorisation can be very exciting. Dealing with, storing and retrieving information, sorting things, tracking them down etc. can all provide a lot of satisfaction.  8)