I had to pop in here because this one hit home with me, too, as I usually have no interest in someone wanting to meet or talk to me. No interest equates to either no response from me (I'll act like I didn't hear you, which in an odd way, I truly don't), or a very obvious disinterested response from me (that equates to "go away".) I'm not scared or freaked out really, just "not interested."
HFA, LFA.......I'm not certain that it matters. Even with me apparently being more HFA, I tend to be VERY uncomfortable with any stranger who comes on too strongly, for too long at a time, or too often, especially at first. (Shoot, that also applies to people I am already acquainted with!) Particularly if I also know that there is no other reason behind their approach toward me except for them wanting to get to know me or to become friends of some kind.
Doing business with someone or something is no problem. Simple greetings as Soccer described are no problem. It's the "no real reason" (besides friendship or purely being social) behind the interaction with me that causes the difficulties for me.
So, yep.............I also think Soccer's suggestion hit the nail on the head! Slow, with no pressure or even expectations for them to respond in any individualized manner right away.
Same here, although I can be very responsive in the right circumstances - I have to be "in the mood" for chatting, although if someone asks me a question about the local transport network etc. then I often have to force myself consciously to stop talking.
Yep, I know exactly what you mean.
I'm not Schizoid in the way you describe above (simply "not interested"), in fact I am scared and freaked out very often.
I'm not Schizoid, either; and true to ASD form, as I'm CERTAIN (based on posts of yours from other threads...if I recall correctly........, something or other about the use of the word "***"? But then again, maybe I'm not remembering correctly.........) you will completely understand when informed that I am extremely offended by that assumption and non-supported automatic conclusion, not to mention speaking in this manner in such a direct and "judgmental" manner. I appreciate your understanding, which being an AS/HFA yourself, (correct?), will come naturally to you, so no need for me to malinger the point. I appreciate your anticipated cooperation, Batman.
I guess the above response is a perfect example of how NOT to speak to an autie!
Well, to double-check my own understanding of myself and others with autistic personalities, I went back to see if Batman may indeed be correct after all (contrary to all of the experts I have consulted and been evaluated by over the past MANY years) about autism v schizoid (because it is not impossible for me to be incorrect at times, of course), and well..........from what I can tell, "true to form" I still appear to be indeed!
Quick example:
Examples of Specific ASD Social Behaviors
avoiding eye-contact (actively or passively)
looking away
turning away
not interested in having friends
not interested in the activities of others
not sharing/showing objects or interests with parents
prefers to play alone
etc. etc.
(I just wanted to be certain I had indeed been fair and logical in expressing myself here!) Thanks again.
Uh....sorry, Batman, if I appeared to be a bit "assertive" earlier. I guess I have a sensitivity issue with regard to the word "schizoid". It was always an immediate "assumption" over the years that schizophrenia may describe me (shoot, starting since abou the time I was born, practically.) UNTIL, that is, the testing (many times over off and on over the years) proved each and every time that is not the case with me. (Going through all that "testing" became a real pain, ya know?)
As a child, even though I was silent and withdrawn many times, I was always completely "there" and in touch with myself and reality, I was just quietly observing everything going on and listening to every word.
Anyway, I guess I "jump" at anything resembling "schizo" in any way, shape or form now. It's like "not again!" Hope you understand.
not interested in having friends
i find it strange. what about people here ?
armelion: What do you mean? What exactly do you find strange? What is "it"? Can you clarify your question a bit more?
Even some NTs can be "not interested" in having friends.........anyone possessing or expressing that opinion or feeling doesn't say much in and of itself alone; it also depends on the "why" behind it.
Making a statement of "finding it strange", would indicate that you have already made a previous assumption in your mind as to why you think it would strange. So, I guess I would also ask (since unclear language totally confuses me), not not only what you mean, but WHY do find "it", (whatever "it" is), strange?
(Oops.....several typos in the above, I notice. Now who is it again who keeps adding "Gareth, edit button!", cause I'd like to add my voice to that, also.
Even though it took me forever, it seemed, to figure out what the heck requesting an "edit button" meant!)
Well said, Batman! I consider myself extremely "affectionate" (always have been), it's the
rules of "friendship" that I somehow just don't "get" nor can successful and consistently apply, or even figure out what the rules are, therefore I find I'm not able to keep "close" friends, but Batman has explained a lot of the struggles with that really well here.
The constant added "worry" about having my feelings hurt - and sometimes even physically hurt - (we do have feelings........pretty deep ones, in fact) and/or accidentally hurting someone else (because as in my case, I oftentimes don't recognize that I have or might hurt someone else), so........as Batman says, since we have enough to worry about, and the added anxiety, which we already undergo daily anxiety, sometimes isn't worth it. The "timing" associated with close relationships also throws me. There is nothing that I can find that is "predictable". I might sometimes come across as being very intense with my attention to a new "friend", thereby freaking them out; and then there are the times when they won't hear from me at all for months maybe.
I guess it's the
degree of closeness that is also a determining factor. I like having friends in a way (especially the ones I find "interesting" in one way or another), but I have found over the years that having too many friends or interacting too much, gets way too confusing and causes too much anxiety. When I'm alone, I find I don't "miss" having close friends, either. Odd thing to be "not interested" in having friends, but sometimes interested in knowing people more closely because I find them interesting. (Am I making sense here?)
It is a strange paradox..........even to me. I find my children as being my best friends in the world! No pretense required there! I can say "will you leave me alone!" when I feel like it and they don't take offense (of course, they are older, not kids anymore. I didn't say that when they were children, of course.)
(Oh, and "meet people and get support" is different than being interested in having friends.)
(Ok, I'm weird, but I just remembered something...) What is that joke? Something like:
You might be an aspie (or an autie) if you find yourself saying "But I didn't do anything wrong?!"
That's friendship to me in a nutshell. LOL
has anyone ever been to one of these? Is it still going? (I can't get a reply so maybe they only deal with diogs)
What do ya'll think about this?
Autism Retreat 2007
http://ani.autistics.org/
Yep, I resort to mimicing a lot in social interactions (probably even more than I realize.)
