Aspies For Freedom

Okay, sorry if this is in the wrong spot or HORRIBLY wrong of me to say.

I'm just confused. I'm an Aspie, I post here a lot.

Lately I've been thinking that as someone on the spectrum I should be more open to other people on the spectrum. Not that I'm not open, just that the only "low-functioning" auties I see are at the park and I can't seem to figure out a nice way to say, "I'm trying to open my circle of friends to incoorporate more people with differing neuro-biological functions, are you interested." Not to mention that many times these people are with rather scary looking aides or in some wierd group of auties (I wouldn't even begin to guess, maybe somesort of group home outing or social event?) Anyway, with such mind opening ideas like those that come from getting the truth out and such, I would like to help. Not that anyone needs my help I guess, but there has to be some way for me to get involved. Anyone with a more clever idea? Or even some nice etiquette guidelines to advance my park friend-making efforts? (seriously, would I ask the aid first what they're capabilities are?)

I'm so sure some part of this post seems horrible and narrow-minded. I'm really trying, but seem to lack true communication on this topic as of yet.

well I have been going to school with LFA's since I have been 3 years old so yeah...

but in my school the standard way to say hi to a LFA is doing a "high five." and saying "hi, wazzup"

well if I were you everyday i would walk by, smile and say hello. And every few days get closer, and eventually approach them ask them (the aides) a few question about something stupid like the weather, and then ask about the auties and their names, ask them to introduce yourself to them.

well thats how i would do it anyways... thats a hard question cause i would feel extremly awkward.

Soccerfreak - perfect response. I was racking my brain and tried to think of the best way to do this without creating a problem or embarassment to anyone. I think this is exactly how Sarahjoke should go about things.

Same here, although I can be very responsive in the right circumstances - I have to be "in the mood" for chatting, although if someone asks me a question about the local transport network etc. then I often have to force myself consciously to stop talking.

sarahjoke - By the way, I have read this many times and it applies to me too: The best way to approach someone with autism is to do so "passively", indirectly. Don't approach them directly, a lot of people on the spectrum are very uncomfortable with being directly addressed and approached - sit near them, next to them maybe, and just "be" alongside them. Do what they are doing, in parallel, and just relax.

You may notice them darting the odd glance towards you, which is pretty much a sign of "I see you, I notice you, I'm interested in what you are doing - you may come a bit closer, but still keep your distance".

If someone moves closer to you, or approaches you, they may dart away again but don't take that as a sign that they are shy or disinterested, it is just often easier to take someone in through brief glimpses because direct encounters or even just looking at someone or a scene full-on can be so overwhelming that they can't actually *see* you, because they are also seeing *everything else* and hearing *everything else* and smelling *everything else* etc. Such brief approaches are a way of self-limiting sensory and social input to a format that allows autistics to actually take you and your presence in, to consciously be aware of you.

I'm Asperger's (moderate, somewhat atypical.. I am in the "creative" subtype rather than logical/pragmatic) so actually I am interested in some people talking to me (not very often tho), although it's much more common that I'll have interest in talking to them first.

I'm not Schizoid in the way you describe above (simply "not interested"), in fact I am scared and freaked out very often.  But then again I do have Social Anxiety and Avoidant PD and that accounts for it.

But what makes it confusing is that I ALSO have this "not interested" thing with certain people, and perhaps my anxiety comes from not knowing how to "tactfully show I'm not interested"... maybe that's where a lot of the anxiety comes from?

I never understood how auties/aspies werent interested in having friends, cause everyone I ever met has either been on here (they are on here to met people and get support, so they are interested in making contact with people) and other aspies and auties at school have came up to me and tried to start conversations. And once a LFA came up to me and gave me a big kiss on the arm.(the teacher didnt like it but I have a HUGE crush on the guy ) But yet again I am young and I dont think I ever met a pure schizoid.

I don't understand.  I wasn't talking about you, I was saying that *I* don't believe I am "that word" if that word seems to bother you.

Oh I see now, certain words bother you.  I also have that trait.  Okay, I get it now...  Sorry.

I agree with you.  I very much AM interested in having friends and also social interaction, it's just that because of the distance I require (I don't reciprocate well and I hate my routines/interests disturbed) maintaining such friendships becomes aggravating, and in the end it's almost not worth it.

I do sometimes seek social interaction (on a limited basis tho) with people I find to be empathetic.  The "empathetic NT" type, either male or female, is the type I can socialize very well with... around such people I appear to be NT, anyway.

For those people I don't find appealing, I appear to be very shy and anxious.

But didn't you write recently about how you didn't like a suggestion I made (that involved possibly getting to talk to people a bit more, and being nice to them) that you dind't want that because then they might become friends and you hate the idea of someone being your friend? Is that what you meant by "distance"? Because I am not sure that hating any notion of closeness and friendship (and strongly avoiding any situation where you could potentially make a friend) really matches with what you said about wanting friends and social interactions.

You're right, it seems what I said was contradictory.  Maybe it's that I'm more interested in having social interaction on a limited basis, than gaining actual friends... One example was when I was in high school, eventually when I got to a comfortable environment there (in a program for emotional support... any surprise ?) I eventually connected well with some of the students there.  I probably would have come off as eccentric or Quirky NT, there.

I believe I'm in the less-typical creative subtype Asperger's (which is AS with ADD, usually) and so, back then, people were amused and intrigued by my unusual approach to things.  They would frequently ask "why don't you come with us, hang out after school," and so on but really the social environment in school was taxing enough as it was.  That was a controlled (familiar) setting and outside of that, I would have to alter my established way of interacting.  So, you can see where anxiety comes in.

So it seems I want social interaction, but I can only take so much of it before I get overwhelmed and bothered by the whole thing.  I wonder if this might be a form of overstimulation.  Anyhow, it goes without saying that I avoid "closeness," I really just don't enjoy that.  I don't even like to be touched, in the first place.

I LOVE hanging out with people, just in short amounts of time, like a sleepover is my limit. Im ready to go home by the time we wake up my brain is screaming "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" But then again does anyone call me?!??!!? no of course not.....and when i calll then they strickly avoid me. People can only stand me in short doses as you can imagine.

I say that really often. It's like there should be clearer instructions.

Well, my hyperanalysis/hyperawareness (and also paranoia) has led me to figure out what is the "correct protocol" in most social situations.  If I make a mistake these days, I beat myself up over it endlessly, and begin self-loathing.  So in this way I have that particular mistake as a future reference.  So if a similar situation crops up again, I can remember the precise mistake I made before (my longterm memory is amazing), and then choose a better option.  It's all about the path of least resistance for me... I don't want conflict, at least not in public (or at work.)

Criticism bothers me so much, I force myself to avoid using default responses (which would make myself seem Aspie) and I build up a very elaborate "NT front" so this way I pass as normal, and I am probably just seen as shy or anxious.

I really, really hate criticism and therefore I do whatever I can to avoid it.  I'm sure if somehow "criticism stopped bothering me," I'd appear like a tactless, self-righteous "I'm the only one who's right" Aspie.  AFAIK I come across that way on AFF occasionally.

Interesting thread.

I'm not sure that there's any 'one' way to approach an autie/aspie/whatever, we're all different, but there have been some good suggestions here. I even use some of them myself, or have done.

I mention many times that I've worked with children a lot and I believe you can learn a lot from doing so. In my childcare work (I've said this a lot) I've worked with children on the spectrum and with other disorders/disabilities/etc. I was actually told by a supervisor once that I was very good with a particular child and that most didn't do so well the first time.

I can't really describe it further then calling it a knack I have. I suspect it's linked to my visual memory - I suspect the supervisor hadn't noticed (supervisors are always quite busy in childcare) but before being placed with the particular child, I'd had the opportunity to watch him with his parents, with a support worker, and with other staff.

That's the way I approach most interactions with anyone. I watch, record and copy (perhaps with some modification) what I've seen others do.


Hmmm maybe that's something for another thread. Mimicking.
Can/do other Aspies Mimick social behaviours?