Aspies For Freedom

Hey-- I was just looking for someone to relate with.I have an 8 year old son named Brandon, who was diagnosed pdd/nos.(ASD) . He doesn't have one single friend. He is wants to have friends.He, like most asd children,is socially delayed. Any suggestions on where or what types of places I should go to help him to make at least one good buddy? There are kids at school who are nice to him, but I have a feeling that the teacher has alot to do with that. He is in mainstream classes, so he is with "normal" (I hate to use that word) kids all day. I think he may feel that he is different amongst his peers at times. Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreiciated.

Well I can't relate much to you but I wanted to say welcome as there's apparently not much activity in the parents forum at the moment.

Welcome to ya!

[quote=erkolos]
Well I can't relate much to you but I wanted to say welcome as there's apparently not much activity in the parents forum at the moment.

Welcome to ya!
[/color]

Thanks for the welcome! yea, I noticed there is not much activity. Are you a parent? or just looking to chat?

My son makes friends through football, he doesn't tend to want friends other than to play football with so this works out well for him: he doesn't have friends that he relates to at any other times.
Growing up I had very few friends; one or none mostly, as I got older I made more friends through work but then moved away and now have none again.
I am happy with this though; however for young children such as your son I suppose if he wants friends then it's your job to facilitate that. (which is why you're here asking for help).
I'm rambling: in a weird mood sorry.
Do you have any neighbours where you live that would be suitable? Or friends children? In my experience forget about age of appropriate friends and think about interests instead.  Does your son have any interests at all that he could follow out of school?
Sorry can't think of anything else to help.

Hi,

Welcome, I am a parent to a 6 yo AS boy. Both of my boys are homeschooled which gives new meaning to finding social activities for them to partake in.

The homeschool community have groups in almost every area that organise activities and park dates, if you find one locally to you, ask if you can go along too - not all of the kids at these groups are homeschooled, sometimes it's mixed.

Getting your child involved in music is also a great way to socialise them, there are lots of music related events, you can also find things like keyboard workshops and classes where all the kids learn together. Choirs and ensembles are also good social outlets.

My sons are about to start horseriding lessons, they love animals and there's a big horsey set around where we live.

Orienteering club might be an idea also.

Concurrently there is also my son's interest in remote control cars - there are RC clubs everywhere and they're fun.

If your son likes playing role playing or card games like Yugioh or Pokemon you could also give your local comic book store a call because often these places have gaming meets on weekends (if the store is big enough).

Good luck,

Paula

Thank you to thse of you who have reponded to the post I made the other day. It was very much appreiciated. I will definatly take in consideration some of the wonderful advice you have both given me. Some of the things that were mention have already been attempted, but I will continue to try and do evrything i can for my son. I am very much like you Kabie,in the respect that you had made friends at work but then had to move away from them.That has happened to me 3 times already. I have lived in 4 different states in my life, and I'm only 29 years old. My son has lived in 3 different states. We are hopefully in a permanant one now.I want my son  to have that one best friend growing up like I did. I met my best friend at age 6 and I am still best friends with her. even though we live in different states, we still keep in touch. I hope he finds that kind of friendship.Just one friend at least. I hope it will happen for him someday. All my family,all my husband's family live out of state,and we don't really know anyone around where we live that well. My son plays sports for a special needs team,but I don't think he will really find a close friendship with anyone on his team,beacuse they are all pretty impaired or disabled. My son is probably the highest functioning kid on the team...he thinks he's there to help them, I think. He has so much love and kindness in his heart. I only wish he had a friend to share it with.

I apologize for all my gramatical spelling errors, I was in a rush when I resonded to that post.

DeAnna
i would recommend you #aff
on irc.chatautism.com
that would be a good place.
kids in there seem very nice and kind.
and that channel is regulated so there is not much mischief going around.

DeAnna,

My daughter is about to turn 7, and is in the same boat.  She sooo wants to play with friends and such, and at school her teacher says all the kids love her.  She is in Daisy Scouts, and active at church.  But the main problem I see that she has is, there are kids that would love to play with her, but she blows them off.  Instead she seems to focus on the small, shy ones, and she overwhelms them.  Then she is disappointed when they shy away.  I Really don't have any suggestions, but can offer an ear from some one who is in the same boat.

BTW Beth is having a birthday party on the 19th, I allowed her to invite 4 girls from school over, so far one has RSVPed.  So hopefully this will help.

I have a ton to say on this subject. Parent here... Dad though... And I'd like "Equal opportunity"... Hah!

I've been a struggling parent for years... Though now am somewhat relaxed knowing the reasons behind some of our family’s behaviors.

"Somewhat" meaning: They are teenagers now and how can anyone relax around the activities of  intelligent, precocious, "in-your-face" debaters...

WE sort-of operate under Montessori principles with structure (Oxymoron?)...

They are bold around home and will share anything, well, almost, I need "more" sharing about the new potential boyfriend I just heard of . They tell me that they are shy outside and at school... Another oxymoron of personality...

My kids have two "worlds" that they live in: one at home, the other off at Public school. Home is safe, a place to express themselves without judgment. As in allowed color choices when it comes to painting their rooms, stapling pictures to the wall (The whole wall!?), and sometimes painting mine, graphically... more on this later...

It has been a “long road” to “teenager”... I wish I knew then what I know now...

I would have put more effort into seeking alternatives in education such as home schooling and private school...

Frustrates me to see them try to fit in -- Dumb themselves down. Don’t allow this to happen simply because he lacks friends. Perhaps better to try someway to let him know friends will come later, Hah! When the friends catch-up...  IMO,  I relate...

More later... Think I’ll hang out in the parenting forum for a while... I owe a similar post over on WP too...

Regards,  Beammeup

Just shared this over on WP...

Hah!, a lot of great observations here by postpaleo...

Yes... Oddly, my girls prefer male counselors... They have referred to the last female counselor as the “Bitch”... (I actually liked her advice).

And the raging hormone thing... Jeeze... yes, Darwin and Freud have nabbed their brains!!!

While one of my teens is destined to be a mathematician, and the other a creative renowned artist (They don't know it yet, and, ah-emmm... no bias here), they are currently occupied by playing tic-tac-toe, and writing graffiti with the boys -- respectively...

Oh, and about graphic painting on my wall that I mentioned earlier... could be considered graffiti. (Sort of an eccentric bunch we are...). Starts like this:

I was outside on a ladder painting the trim a burnt red (Had not yet discussed colors with the family). My teen walked up to me after returning home from school and said: "DAD!!!, that color is horrible!!!! ... rant, rant...".

So Daddy said: (with a smile)... "You need some of this color in your room so you can appreciate it more.”

I stepped off the ladder and went to her room with my paintbrush full of paint (smiling) and proceeded to paint the edge of her full-length mirror frame, rather sloppily I might ad...... "There! see how great that looks!!!, I exclaimed while she was standing nearby with her mouth hanging open... I went back outside to finish painting... stopped a moment to admire my work... She came out quickly and grabbed another brush full of paint and went inside the house...

Later I found the following( picture I'll share it in a PM later) showing her handy-work on my wall above my desk!!! I smiled and knew we both loved each other very much, even if we are eccentrically spirited about it sometimes... Her painting still adorns my wall...

So as to keep them from writing on my wall with paint... subsequent graffiti is to be drafted on a white board installed on a wall in our entertainment room (actually was there before I got the paint-job) to offer a place to express one’s self, or anybody, including their friends...

Here's the latest entry on the White board -- words from a Marvin Gaye song. (another picture for you later, someday I’ll share them more publicly. After my anonymity is blown... Or when the girls say it is okay...)

Hang in there mom...
_________________
Mentor the children like us...

Welcome to the "Playpen"...
Serious stuff goes on too!

My son Colin is also 8, and has a Dx of high-function autism. Sometimes, I share your concern, because I understand enough about my own desire for solitude to know that perhaps I'm not aware enough of his need for friends. Quiet is nice for me, and it's nice for him. Is quiet a good parenting tactic? Maybe not.

He has one really good neurotypical friend, a grandaughter of close family friends. We also have neighbors with whom he will play (but they have dogs which he has a phobia about), so he only plays there for brief periods.

He spends most of his day in his general-ed classroom, and has a very good teacher. In his 2nd grade, (there are about 80 students) four have ASD, they tend to play together.

I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I've found that I have to take my cues from him. If he wants company, he'll ask for it.

DeAnna:

I went through this with my AS son and I have a few suggestions.  First of all, I think it's important for you to realize that this should be a real priority for you--helping him find and keep a friend.

Try to figure out who the other AS kids are at school.  Encourage him to ask for their phone numbers at school.  Then you call their moms and try to set up a play date.  The other AS kid might also be really wanting a friend.

Get your kid involved in some kind of activity.  Martial arts works well for my son.  Then at least he gets to "hang out" with kids once in a while.  I'd even consider joining a church group if I had to.

Every time a kid comes over to your house, take a picture of your son and his new "friend."  Tape it to the refrigerator.  Over time, he will be able to look at this visual reminder that he does have some friends.

Ask his teacher to help you find him a friend.  There may be another lonely child the teacher can help you hook up with.

Don't even bother trying to "make friends" with kids who only care about popularity, sports, bullying others.  They aren't worth it.

Don't forget there might also be a little girl who needs a friend who you can hook up with.  Or someone who is a year or two older or younger.

Try to get to know other moms of AS kids and get together once in a while.  Our school arranged a "game day" once a month for AS kids to get together and play games.

You may have to make 90% of the effort.  You may have to be the one to invite a kid over, prepare the snack, set up an activity.  Pick up and return the other kid, etc. etc.  It's worth it.

I hope these ideas help a little.  They worked for my son and for me.  Good luck!

Hi. you might want to check out the learning support class as he gets older. Because they all had their own issues they seemed to be more accepting and understanding of Hrick.He'd help them out by giving them the correct answers and they would help him with his behavior. We always had his brother just a year younger so that is who we used to model for him. Tried the local autistic family support group for a bit.  Was nice to be able to go on certain outings with others and not have to worry about your kids behavior being any stranger than their kids behavior.  Some nice structured activities for the kids there. Not much else to offer other than a welcome.  Mom of Hrick