Aspies For Freedom

The parents might fear our kids will have experiences like our own.  I can personally relate to peer abuse and rejection, romantic rejection, sexual abuse, occupational discrimination with a graduate degree, and some experience with Food Stamps, Medicaid, VR, unemployment, and the EITC.

I have theorized four levels of hostility, if you can call it that, against AS.

1.  (Relevant for Catholics)  Objectionable that potentially autistic or Asperger children (based on genetic counseling) not be conceived at all.  I am guilty of considering ruling out children altogether and I'm not even dating, let alone engaged, married, or considering kids. I can intellectually relate to this concept, saying to God "so you think red hair, blue eyes, or Asperger should never be conceived?"

For highly motivated parents, irreversible methods work, and many temporary methods work well (the sponge, the hormonal implant, which rules out medication error).  Male methods in the works and may be perfected by the time, uh, I need them (or I'll find her when they perfect them, or it is getting there that if she is within five years my junior (32+), she might be too old to risk a pregnancy or risk complications by age).

2.  (Relevant for Christians, Jews, Muslims)  Objectionable that the same children should be aborted if genetic tests suggest.

3.  Relevant to everyone, especially the young.  Encourage someone out of line, without trying to, to go get lost, and maybe leave this world a little early.  Suicide is our biggest adult problem, and I've heard men over 45.... uhhh.

4.  Very rare, or is it?  Physical abuse on a par with Matthew Shepard, beaten and left to die, especially if we can be falsely mistaken for gays.  I know many others of us, I included, sympathize with gays because we really believe they didn't volunteer for our general sort of human misery.  We don't think the gays enlist in being gay, they are evading the draft for a good many years.  My best friend thinks they choose it.

I am only drawing a parallel between society trying to fix, or if can't fix, attack, both AS and gays.  Which I oppose.

I apologize for the figurative language.  Who wants to volunteer to be different and catch hell for it?

And yes, I have a few Christian friends who may be lacking in compassion.   I really only know one or two Christian friends with actual compassion across the board.

Sorry, Jewelie and the rest of the board.

I'm a bit of a rebel to actually think, and express, that the party line toward homosexuals is not fair to them.  

But, I did not create Existence, on the other hand.  God must be measured in parsecs.  I'm measured in feet.

Myself and the two totally compassionate Christians I know about will condemn any violence against anyone anywhere.  Usually living with some rejection (or even abuse) is going to create a compassionate person.

Amy I totally agree... I was diagnosed 2 months ago at the age of 55. I just turned 56 two days ago...

I am so glad my aspie mother did not know what we had.. I grew up thinking I was an NT.... this was not an issue.. .it was sink or swim back then , and I as an aspie (not knowing) chose to be a part of the world .   I see a lot of selfish resentment from NT mothers with aspie children as they are misfortunate... In my eyes they should thank God they have an Aspie child.. We are the chosen ones!

I can't imagine growing up seeing my mothers face with disappointment or thinking I was handicapped in any way... I raised my daughter who is NT the same... To accept any challenge and not to be complacent or feel sorry for ones self...

In fact I do think these mothers who are selfish and angry take it out of their children and spouses.. shameful.

I am a proud aspie who has succeeded very well in life.. I love life, my NT husband and child.... Life is good... its teh choices we make!  I say to Aspie children of Mothers who either overprotected them or were disappointed in them and took their anger out on their children.. .to know they will be adults one day and on their own... they can make their own positive choices away from such negative influence... think positive... go forward always .. and leave negative people behind ,e ven family if they bring you down... we have one life.. live it to the fullest and happiest   Life is good for Aspies!

Actually I take extreme pleasure in being different.. my husband says I can get away with it because I am attractive, but I said.. I don't think that would matter to me.... I love quirky... my friends respect me and my family.

I have always been the black sheep in my family but you know what? I am the  happiest and most successful.  One thing I learned to do was become a better NT than most NTs ... with theatre training I learned to do what they do and often time even better.

I must say I used my aspie brain to be the best I could.. in everything , languages, art, theatre, sports, science..name it I worked hard at it... even though I did not understand Nts naturally... I ran them off their feet in their own world.. consequently , I was allowed my quirks ..sort of the perks of success...

I am as eccentric as one can be... and my close family and friends respect me... I made my way in the world.. there is nothing to prove .. I did it... MY WAY
  My hsubands and my fav song by Frank Sinatra!\

I am sure Bill Gates feels teh same way when he accepted his honorary diploma frmo Harvard when he did not even finish or really even start....

My NT daughter loves my eccentricity and my husbands too... we are a perfect match.. One thing my daughter learned from me ,s he told me today (yes she calls me almost everyday) is that to never give up... .learn to learn...balance of body and mind....go forward and never backwards.. sideways is okay as long its  a detour to forward ....

She is engaged and I cannot wait to be a grandmother and dote on my NT and aspie Grandchildren... they will all be perfect to me !

I have had gay friends all my life... If one is secure in their sexuality.. one is not bothered by peoples sexual preference.... I never was... As an aspie female I rarely dated not because I was not asked.. because I did avoid dating to a late age.. I was emotionally immature and did not know me much less a guy... My mother worried I was gay because I rather watch Star Trek than go out and date...    I said nah! I will know when the right person comes along.. .Had my first date at 18... a drunken tennis pro champion.... I was great at tennis myself.... so I decided..I would pick and choose very careflly and I did.... My wonderful husband of 33 yrs came along... he was my most perfect person....

Silky I am in USA... Let me relay my story.. I had a major aspie meltdown from multiple life threatening surgeries and many projects to complete.. it overwhelmed me and I apparantly went into depression... my daughter wanted me for years to get therapy for my quirkiness and rages which would pop up.. my family knew the rages were not at them but were baffled by them... like a wounded animal my husband would say.. he so worried for me about my suffering...

Finally I looked on the web about some symptoms i had and Learned i had OCD.. this was 6 months ago... while learning about OCD and going to various therpists (beware of therapist who are not knowledgable about anything)  I learned I had OCD and was diagnosed...I went to a support group in my city and read everything i could.. stayed up till 2 am, each night don't you know!

I contacted a specialist in OCD and a psychatrist... My psychiatrist and OCD specialist confirmed my OCD... BUT>.................

There were holes in my OCD.. something was missing that OCD coudl not account for... One day talking with a friend of mine whose son was diagnosed with Aspergers said."You know... you sound just like my son!" I said OH? HMMMMMMM  <perk>

I looked up Asperger's syndrom and said. Oh MY GOD! That's ME!  Those are the missing links....

SO I went to a Therapist specializing in Aspergers.. she said you are showing the traits.. so I went back to my psychiatrist.. he gave me a book to read.. I read that book and 5 + others and the internet... and he gave me several tests and confirmed I was Adult aspergers (undiagnosed all these years) he said I was amazingly successful by shooting from the hip (as he said) in learning to survive and live successfully in the world.... He said I now have to learn not to take on too many projects and not stress myself.. SO... I am on Lexapro for my OCD alone.... and My new therapist is working on stress relief and redefining my life as an Aspie.. .I get a lot of vacations now! Wooo HOOO! <G>   Its good to be an Aspie I say!

That is my story.  Now my cousin I confided in who I thought had it and I knew to have OCd... is also diagnosed at 52.... he and I talked about all our siblings parents uncles  cousins and we have been making a  list of those we know to have Aspie triats... I am eventually going to talk to the entire family who are all 45 + about this genetic thing we knew we had but had no name... we called it the family curse.. not having a name or face to it.. Imagine all these life times... and I have traced our family roots and learned this was on my maternal grandmothers side and the traits have been shown to be there back to 1860. I have a lot of education to do with my family both in American and in the Czech Republic about our genes.

Silky... children need parents becuase they are children... I just answer the questions myself and my husband of 32 yrs gave his knowledge of me... .between the two of us.. the doctors can make an evaluation.. at our ages we ARE our own parents. like any other diagnosis... Also when I visit the doc.. I do not put on my NT front.. My husband knows my aspie true self.

Yetti, thank you for your reply. All I had heard in forum until now was that people who no longer have parents can't get a Dx.

My apologies to you other folks for the momentary hijack. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread

They are WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We simply answer the questions the parent would answer about ourselves.. we are adults by now don't you know!!?  My mother was so fearful of insanity in the family she would never take me to a therapist... or lie about things...LOL...  What makes them think some parents would answer the questions.. .My doctor first gave me the workbook bout children and autism written by a friend of his.. the book was mentioned on this board.. I answered the questions about myself truthfully from when I was a child... I do remember my childhood

also how I am now.. My husband knows me like a book!  Far more than my mother!

Asperger's is so new most people don't really know what to do outside their relm of experience.. and if its a mom tellling you this.. I would take it with a grain of salt...  I am having issues with some parents way of dealing with their aspie children from what I have been reading.  My God if my mother raised me the way , some are.. I would have been either not married, overprotected, making paper dolls in a state home , or piercing every part of my body or drinking or on drugs.... I think some need to step back and let us recently diagnosed folks help.... I wish Bill Gates would step forward more on the issue and others.. but many are successful without diagnosis and don't care to waste their time if they are happy or have everything they need... Others probably were raised by dysfunctional parents and have many other emotional learned and anger challenges from their upbringing that are far more destructive to their lives.... or some are homeless... and keep company with flies.

Yetti, from your posts you seem very wise. From the things you have learned, please would you share a short advise/summary, about social interaction/relationships, to less experienced individuals? Thanks!

Sounds like an excellent idea, you have a lot to share.

I think it is necessary to say I hated Christians for the prejudice stuff.
I still don't like those that fall short, but you don't have to like someone to do right by them.

Christianity is not like I am making it up as I go along.
I have a fantasy but God isn't a fantasy.
I did not write the rules.
Your problem is with the One who did.

Going from hating Christians to being one, well, I needed to hate it first before I could respect God.

So you can't say you never will.