I know what you mean. I'm saddened by it, but I feel like I'm not as affected as I should be...Also, there's the fact that people seem to have selective outrage - they don't really care about Darfur, for example, at least not as much as they care if something happens in their own country or to people "like them".
I also end up over-using logic instead of emotion, I suppose, like going into a conversation about "Bully Culture" and how it creates the type of people who do these things. People usually don't appreciate that.
The shooting in Virginia is all over the news and thus all over the web, what is the appropriate response to this?
There is none. The hand-wringing of public officials is disgusting. The "light a candle for those poor people" schtick is mildly amusing--but what does it actually DO for anyone? Yes, they died, but who are they to me or to you? It's not as if their families are pounding on our doors demanding public attention. The best response is just to stay out of the situation unless you have to be involved. The families of these people probably want to be LEFT ALONE. Why intrude into their lives and bother them?
I don't think I'm a sociopath but apparently I am some kind of souless wretch.
No, you're just not maudlin. Why make an enormous public show of pseudo-grief over them?
I mean I think about it and I just don't feel anything I just try to understand it.
And? So what is the problem? The best thing for society is to figure out how to prevent further occurences and get out of the way of those who are directly forced to mourn by the current event. Why wallow in someone else's tragedy?
I need some set of rules to help me avoid situations like this because it's just odd and people seem to get very angry about it.
Maybe they're just maudlin and stupid.
My hubby and I were in HS in Denver during the Columbine shootings. I had the same problem then as you are describing. I went to school the next day as if nothing had happened. Other students were crying and at least visibly shaken. No one understood why I was not upset, when pushed I did eventually cry (because I felt cornered...) but things like this don't fill me with emotion, quite the opposite, I feel devoid of emotion. Same with Sept. 11th... sort of.
Luckily however, I've noticed that bigger things like this are such a shock thing that its kind of okay to not be emotional about it. However, making light of other people's sad emotions is definitely not a smart place to start. Much easier in these situations to keep your mouth shut. At least people will think you are a good listener and a good friend. Like stated above, saying things like, "It's just such a shock", "I just don't understand how someone could do that kind of thing", "I'm so overwhelmed by all of it". I've learned the hard way, if you don't open your mouth, the wrong thing cannot come out of it.
Glad I have you guys to tell the truth to thought.
To quote Jeff Foxworthy: "I was listening to the radio and they said that a bus carrying 300 people went off a cliff, and I thought My God, how do you fit 300 people on a bus? somebody must've been sitting on a lap or something."
"Now do all see why NTs say we lack empathy? We really don't lack it but it's not the same as how NTs feel."
I agree. It's important to make a distinction between a differentiated experience of empathy (posts #6 and #7) and a true sociopathic response (post #9). It's possible for a sociopath to also be Aspie, but they're not synonyms.
Yes, my little cyberstalker has to chime in--cute little cyberstalker.
I was more interested in who had done it, his reasons why and if Marilyn Manson was going to get the blame.
Agreed. Also, I couldn't help but notice the selective outrage - ie. terrible things that happen don't seem to matter unless they happen to "people like us" (read: mostly white, christian, and english speaking) - if it had been 32 Bolivians or Sri Lankans or Vietnamese or Zimbabweans killed, would most people care? Probably not. The people who are very affected and outraged by this, for the most part, are the same people who couldn't care less about what's happening in the Congo or Darfur.
My first reaction was "Wow, that sucks for them" followed by some random chatter about it, then straight back to drooling over the SL74 Ego. As far as my mind works, Its not my problem, so I dont have any feelings about it, just some curiosity about what happened.
the thing i want to know is:
what kind of ammo was he using
now i know that sounds cold,but some types of ammo will put a person 'down' less painfully than others.
but anyway (ohh,innappropriate)
my reponse was pretty much the same as jacks:
jesus,if hes pouring out that much lead,why didnt someone tackle him whilst he was reloading?'
also:
there was a gunstore just a little way away from the school:why didnt anyone go and tool themselves up?
...I just don't feel anything I just try to understand it...
Hey! I personally know how frustrating this can be.
However frustrating, think of this as a gift! Your inner empathy may come with experience.
Nothing wrong with an Intelligent Objective reaction --: Characteristic of a leader I'd say. Someone needs to calm the crowd. Use your gift to do just that! Practice it.
Just try using the language an objective observer might use: Horrific event -- Why did it happen? Ask a lot of questions. It’s okay to try and understand it. Be objective. It’s a gift!
I don't think I'm a sociopath but apparently I am some kind of souless wretch.
You are far from anyone like this. Your good soul brought you here to try and understand this, which appears to be someone with a very empathic emotion.
i have 2 modes.
one mode is that i think logically.
more ppl die in baghdad everyday, just cos its a white school in a western country its a tragedy.
when things like that happend everyday children killed and women killed.
its "not the same thing".
i feel more empathy for them in irak forexample.
but i dont know if its empathy.
i just think if i was living there (i use the pictures i have from india) and i think how it would be to see dead (as i also have seen) ppl everyday and have ppl you trust die from you everyday.
i mean its not hard for me to understand.
i know how my life was/has been i just apply my suffering to them.
i know its just a emulation/simulation of the feeling they feel, but it helps me feel that i want to do something to change the situation for ppl in the middle of war etc.
the fact that a person who killed 30something kids in a school, does not make me mad the same way, i mean america puts more resources into their jail system and into war then they ever did for their infrastructure, (health, education) etc.
and they allow ppl to carry guns so i mean (meaning that guns circulate alot), its not that odd that a thing like that would happen.
its even quite logical in my eyes.
"bound to happen"
now i know that might sound insensitive, but thats my opinion.
i could lie and say "yes its horrible" but that would just not be me.
what i dont understand is why do ppl just go around saying things like "its so terrible" without doing anything to change it?
they just forget about it till next time, and then blame it on someone again.
I also end up over-using logic instead of emotion, I suppose, like going into a conversation about "Bully Culture" and how it creates the type of people who do these things. People usually don't appreciate that.
I seem to do that a lot too and try to figure out why the person did what they did and whether they were "mad", "sad" or "bad". I might note that a local News Article had a picture of the gunman headed "the face of evil".
The face of evil? Want to see the face of evil? Find the most charismatic politician you can, not one you want to make fun of or hate but one that YOU would follow anywhere. THAT is the face of evil.
I've stopped listening to the news most of the time because it is just too depressing.
Agree.... add hype with sensationalism, bias, and inaccuracies -- then it really gets depressing.
If I do listen in, I prefer NPR (National Public Radio). Ever seen those clowns on FOX? Oops, my bias.
I've stopped listening to the news most of the time because it is just too depressing.
Agree.... add hype with sensationalism, bias, and inaccuracies -- then it really gets depressing.
If I do listen in, I prefer NPR (National Public Radio). Ever seen those clowns on FOX? Oops, my bias.
NPR over Fox? Harcore bias in the opposite direction is no better.
I've stopped listening to the news most of the time because it is just too depressing.
Agree.... add hype with sensationalism, bias, and inaccuracies -- then it really gets depressing.
If I do listen in, I prefer NPR (National Public Radio). Ever seen those clowns on FOX? Oops, my bias.
NPR over Fox? Harcore bias in the opposite direction is no better.
Hah! Yes, My weak slip into bias. Usually not part of my credo; and glad you differentiated it with: “Hardcore”. That, I’m not, and will admit that the “FOX Tabloid” does a better job at the weather!!! I jest.
Seriously, having a true Bias seems a prelude to disagreement. Loose objectivity. Perhaps Opinion, Perspective, and View, are other terms to use. Seems to be a lot of that around here regarding definitions of AS/HFA etc,etc. Including the News.
I think we’re off topic here, or on. “Inappropriate Responses” ?
Respectfully, Beammeup
NPR and PBS are much more centrist than FOX. The human longing for symmetry and naive trust in false equivalency create the illusion that they are equidistant from the center.
Extremists always characterize their favorite pseudo-news as "centrist".