There's no rule that says you have to have an emotional reaction to something that doesn't personally involve you. NTs might empathize more with somebody they don't know, but an Aspie... well, chances are they're going to react to it just as much as most people react to the concept that lots of random people die young every day--that is, not much beyond wishing it weren't that way.
If you don't have an emotional reaction to something that DOES involve you, though, people are going to think you're very callous. Try saying, "I think I'm still in shock", if you can't produce the appropriate tears; or else just put your head in your hands, lean your elbows on your knees, and slump your shoulders (universal body language for "I'm overwhelmed/sad").
Aspie emotions aren't always communicated appropriately, anyway. It's not like we don't feel what we feel, just because we sometimes don't show it.
Certainly the shootings in Virginia (33 in total, I think) are shocking. But for me they're shocking in a moral and societal context (i.e. what has the world come too? How and why did this happen?) Also ironic that the headquarters of the National Rifle Association is in Virginia.
I do have some sympathy for those involved (when I imagine what it would have been like if I was there) But I don't fully feel as much empathy as perhaps I should because the shootings did not touch my life directly (the whole thing seems abstracted…like a fictional TV show).
I'm certainly not saddened, infact I am fascinated.
Just saying it.
Social rules are useful on an intellectual level. But most reactions to what happened in Virginia are emotional. People (both NT's and Aspies) have difficulty dealing with such things. Some feel angry, others upset, some feel confused and numb. There are no set rules on how you should act or feel during such extreme events.
Now do all see why NTs say we lack empathy? We really don't lack it but it's not the same as how NTs feel.
Now do all see why NTs say we lack empathy? We really don't lack it but it's not the same as how NTs feel.
Actually, I don't think have less empathy than NT's. In fact I'd say we have a quite a bit more than some.
It all depends on how you define empathy:- If by empathy we mean compassion, then aspie's (in my opinion) are certainly not lacking. But if by empathy we mean the ability to read body language and understand people (social skills)...then we're rubbish (or at least I am).
Perhaps empathy isn’t the right term for what we lack.
Actually, I don't think have less empathy than NT's. In fact I'd say we have a quite a bit more than some.
It all depends on how you define empathy:- If by empathy we mean compassion, then aspie's (in my opinion) are certainly not lacking. But if by empathy we mean the ability to read body language and understand people (social skills)...then we're rubbish (or at least I am).
Perhaps empathy isn’t the right term for what we lack.
I was talking about how everyone here reacted to this incident with general indifference myself included. That's definitely not how NTs react and that's why they say we lack empathy not that we really do lack it of course.
Hmm...
Is it just me? Or do people continue to mix sympathy with empathy?
Actually, I don't think have less empathy than NT's. In fact I'd say we have a quite a bit more than some.
It all depends on how you define empathy:- If by empathy we mean compassion, then aspie's (in my opinion) are certainly not lacking. But if by empathy we mean the ability to read body language and understand people (social skills)...then we're rubbish (or at least I am).
Perhaps empathy isn’t the right term for what we lack.
I was talking about how everyone here reacted to this incident with general indifference myself included. That's definitely not how NTs react and that's why they say we lack empathy not that we really do lack it of course.
Sorry if I misunderstood your comments.
My reaction when I heard about it and my reaction now is one of complete indifference.
To be honest I can't see why anybody not involved could be affected by it in anyway.
My reaction was much the same as that on Sept 11, 2001. I really didn't feel anything.
I find when these things are bought to my attention. I listen intently, make a grave face, say it is terrible and look for a distraction. Bring something "important" you meant to ask them or have something you urgently have to do (ie duck out to the shop, go to the toilet, water the cat, whatever)
Fake being sensitive/empathetic for the sake of others, but don't kill yourself trying to run an emotional gauntlet you can't see.
I also saw a news headline saying that the latest incident was the "worst massacre in US history". Not quite - look at what happened between the Native Americans and the settlers and during the American Civil war just to name a couple. Maybe they meant "worst massacre in peacetime".
Coming from an NT perspective I think that you guys are being a little hard on your self. Obviously I cant speak for all NTs but the truth is it's not like we're all sobbing our hearts out because of this crime. I'm aware that it is a tragedy and that its hurt a lot of people. It's regretable when people in Iraq die and when people in Afric die aswell. Quite often NT's responses are fueled by how 'close' the accident came. For example in the London bombings people were shocked because it could be their family and friends who are involved.
I feel that the media plays an important part in the lack of empathy which seems to be on the rise. I read 'Status Anxiety' by Alain de Botton a few weeks ago and he was talking about Oedipus. Oedipus is a tragic story where a hero with generally good intentions makes a few catastrophic but unforeseen errors of judgement ... de Botton's point was that if the tabloids got hold of it they would make fun of the situation and hence remove any empathy that people would feel.
I've stopped listening to the news most of the time because it is just too depressing.
It's healthy that people question why these things happen and what could have been done. Sometimes it takes a tragedy before things improve, I know this is the way on the railways especially.
An example is where the Martin Bryant massacre of 35 people at Port Arthur in Tasmania led to the Australian Prime Minister bringing in very restrictive gun laws.
I remember that was weird because I'd been living in Tas for quite a while at the time, and my family went to Port Arthur for the first time in Easter of that year (three weeks before)
Lots of other things that disturbed other people didn't disturb me nearly as much, but I can understand that it could disturb people because Port Arthur did. A lot.
(Don't like John Howard at all but I reckon if he hadn't brought in gun laws, then he would be even worse.)