Aspies For Freedom

One of the defining characteristics of Asperger's is the inability to "read" other people's expressions, not looking others in the eye and inability to make 'small talk', as well as social anxiety.  These all gang up to make it very hard to get a girl/boyfriend in the usual places such as nightclubs and parties.

One way around that is to meet someone online or as a penpal, and you get to know each other without Asperger's messing things up, by exchanging email, IM, telephone and/or regular postal mail.  Soon you may decide you really like each other, but you've never met in person! When you do finally meet in person, you already know each other well and Asperger's has less of an effect.  For example, inability to make smalltalk isn't so much of a problem since you already have several common interests or topics to talk about.

I'm thinking in particular of relationships where it would take quite a bit of effort to meet in person (such as flying halfway across the US (or the world!)), not something like meeting someone across town in a dating site, whom you decide to meet after a few days and emails.

So....  Do/did you have a 'significant other' whom you've only known online, or only online for a long period before meeting in person?  How did it work out?  Also, was he/she different in person than online?  Did the other person find you different in person than online?  How did your Asperger's affect the meeting?  Do I ask too many questions?

I've had 3 serious relationships in my life, all three were 'online', all three required airline tickets to meet, all three went well, and I finally married the last one.

I've met 5 people in person from another forum I post to--but that was just a connection of friendship, not romance.  There weren't any surprises, at least on my end about how they seemed.  As for how people see me, I'm apparently much more animated and high strung in person than I come across online.

It is a good way for me to get to know people a bt better before I meet them in the flesh, also it means I know they like me or at least are interested in me before I meet them.

Nevah!

*sob*

Yup, someone who used to come here actually, although I met her on a different site.

Verrrry cute and a talented musician to boot, and on that note, a shameless plug for her music, http://www.brokengirltotheside.com

Check it!!!

I known her for almost two years before we first met, and its been about a month afterward now, and she is the main reason i'm here right now as things are great but we still have problems due to my AS and stuff...

I reckon she signed up too and I am hoping that we will be able to get some advice in this nice community and make some friends. I would type more but ive been chatting on your irc forever and im tired.

There is time yet, don't rush. There were times I thoight i'd never get anyone and someone randomly started talking to me and it went from there.

These things happen when you don't expect it.

I am in one right now, with a woman I met on MySpace.  We haven't met yet though.  That is a long story actually.  We still oplan on getting together soon.  One thing is that she has Turners Syndrome and she has anxious about that.  She's afraid that when we meet in person,  that I won't be interested in her anymore.  I have been anxious about meeting also, with my Aspergers.  I just hope everything works out.  All of my relationships have been online and this is the one that I believe has a chance to go somewhere.

Ok so you have a rough time sometimes, so does she, i can't think of 2 better suited individuals to be honest.

I met someone online. We connected very well, and I think it would have gone further if we lived closer together. That essentially sums up the problem with long distance relationships. Unless the individuals see each other as soulmates, or develop a type of fixation, there isn't much chance of things moving forward. If the opposite person has qualities that are in demand there are going to be others of much closer proximity vying for their attention.

Depends what you mean by 'long term'. I went for Involved, haven't met.

Of course, being 15, 'long term' and 'relationship' will most likely have different values to me than to people in a later stage of life. But I'd say it's got the potential to be quite successful if we do meet. Which we probably won't. I rarely go outside, and don't feel ready (Age-wise, but also experience-wise) to meet someone in person that I've met over the internet, though I do know her cousin.

I did start talking to one person online. She went to the same school and college as me but I never really talked to her much in person, though she did used to sit next to me in my breaks. I usually got annoyed and left if somebody did that, but it never bothered me when she did for reasons I cannot fathom.
We found we had a mutual interest in anime when we started talking online, and she is the only other person I know in real life that likes it.
We are friends but no relationship has developed out of it.

Hm, I met someone on the internet nearly 3 years ago now who ended up becoming a good friend, but not more. We've met in person once - he spent a week staying here last summer. But too many meetings would be impractical - we're from different countries. I do think meeting online helped us become friends though. And although I'm probably not a "real aspie", I do think I'm somewhere around the borderline. Come to that, he might be around the borderline too.

I sort of met my current boyfriend online. We had met before - we went to primary school together - and our parents knew each other, but we hadn't talked it about 6 years. Then he tracked me down on bebo... we talked on msn for a while before meeting up in person. He definitely is an aspie, so I'll have to ask him if the msn phase made things easier.

Distance relationships can work, I have had a few but your work is an important part of this. Luckily I was allowed to finish Monday lunchtime, then have Tue and Wed as my days off then i would work on a Thursday afternoon. That helped that my employers were so accomodating.