Aspies For Freedom

Oh, man. I work in a high school. I see it -every- day.

My best advice is to find what -you- like to do in high school, and do it.  Get involved in all th extracurriculars that specialize in things YOU like.  There, you will have the best chance of finding others who will want to be your friend, because of your common interests, and common goal.  (If you like languages, try joining the French or Spanish club. If you like trivia, try joining Quick Recall or Quiz Bowl.  If you like chess, most schools have a chess team.  If you like sports, there are plenty of athletics activities.  The school where I work has art clubs, music clubs, academic clubs for all different subjects... I run the Student Technology Leadership Program, where I get to work with kids who are into computers and we have tons of fun learning new stuff and making new projects.)

Don't worry so much about "fitting in."  Find -your- niche and make it YOUR own!  Go to where you belong, because once you're there, you'll shine!

I have this one student who is so smart... he's somewhat awkard socially, I can imagine he probably got picked on some. But he's BRILLIANT with computers, and all the other kids who are into computers are his friend, because he inspires them a lot.

I feel soooo sorry for you. If you cant find friends go to a Girls Aspie group. There are some around. And you've done nothing wrong. Dont tell the teacher though. I know that thats controversial but Im in the 8th grade too and right now Im going through exactly the same thing. Give your parents hints so they offer to move you tro another school and you can get another chance. My parents have given me that option but personally Id rather be home educated. Im working on persuading them about that.

I'm with Max on this one.  I don't know if there is enough money in the world for me to go back to the young teen years.  Hang tough and be true.

I am in year 11 in my school (in the UK). I hate school. I cant wait till I leave, yet I know that once I have left I will want to go back because it is easy compared to the rest of the world.

My advice is to get some think skin. If you listen to the bullies, they even bully each other, so you are not alone. Think up some good comebacks for what they say, and walk away while they try to work out what you said. My best one was whenever someone called me a freak, I would say "I'd rather been a freak then a complete tw@t" or words to that effect.

It also does not hurt to be able to defend yourself. Or to learn how to hurt someone if you need to. I had loads of people bully me, but that number went down very quickly when I hit some kids face with a fire extinguisher. Violence may not be the answer, but it sure helps. Take up a martial arts. Dont run from a fight, coz you never live it down. If you think you get bullied rough, spare a thought for the kids that is always running. Stand your ground, coz you will be surprised how many people go down with a kick in the groin. Elbows beat fists, and sand in the eyes is always good to regain your energy. You dont get points for fighting cleanly. Stay away form knives and guns, coz they land you in prison. I never start fights, I finish them.

And as for girls, forget it. Dont bother till you have left school coz girlfriends are overrated. I am perfectly happy being single.

The best advice I can give though, is to get your education. If they laugh at you for being a nerd, just tell them that they will be working for nerds their entire lives. It is better to be the kids getting straight As then the kid taking drugs to impress other druggie kids. Never ever ever change yourself to suit other people, coz the people that matter dont mind, and the people that mind dont matter.

why thank you. My dad used to do about 3 different martial arts, and he has taught me a few tricks over the years.

I definitly feel sad to hear your story.
You know what?
I would actually consider to quit school if I wear you.
I went through h... in school my self and today I regret I didnt quit
-I should have done aducation at home on my computer,I think!
After all,you LIFE is more importent than an education!
You shouldnt have to go through all this stuff alone.
Please stay here and listen to the good advices you get.
Whenever you feel sad,dont hasitate to write it down.
Remember you are not alone.
A lot of people have the same experience as you in school.
Take me,Im fearly old now,and I managed to get good friends that stick with me through thick and thin,even though I didnt have any friends in my class at 10th year in school and was bullied much!
There will come a brighter day,Listen to me,its true even though you cant seee it right now!

If you do quit school get a GED.  Then do college.
There has to be a better way though, and besides you don't have the option until 16.

(How old are people when start school theese days?
I started at age 7.)

Tell teachers/parents before you do anything. If they dont do anything, go higher, to head of year/ deputy head. If they dont do anything, go the the head teacher. If they dont do anything, threaten to sue.

If the teachers sort it out and it resumes after a few months, tell them again. If it is really bad, ask your parents to move schools. I was bullied loads at primary school, and the teachers did nothing. My parents moved me to a new primary school, where I made loads of new friends, I then went to the secondary school which both primarys fed into. The kids from the origional didnt bully me because they saw I had friends form the new primary school.

Ask your teacher to sit in the classroom between the lessons?

Tell the teacher you are being bullied. They are supposed to sort it out.

And if they dont listen,make sure they will or Ill get in contact with them and make them listen

This is what I see for my oldest.  In 4 years he can start community college.  He'll have a 2 year degree by the time he is 18 or 19.  That's better than a diploma without all the high school stupidity.  And then we'll take it from there.  He is already a better achiever than many of my freshman students were at community college in TX.

Honestly, even though I wasn't bullied, merely excluded, there isn't much I recall from high school that has any merit.  Pep rallies are a tribal stupidity, fashion cues are a ridiculous waste of time and money, "cruising" -- oh, yeah, there's something that will help later in life.  Utterly, utterly pointless.

Students should wear a robe or something to hide fashion differences and concentrate on school.  It is also cheaper than a uniform and does not need dry cleaning.  Uniforms would be a good idea but they would be hard for lower SES students to buy and dry clean, so I think a robe, or for starters, a cheap oversized shirt and cheap oversized trousers would accomplish the objective of hiding whatever fashions students wear to school.

Virtually everyone gets teased at school, I did in my earlier years, I was certainly a weirdo. By the time I was in year 7 or 8 in Australia (about 13-14 years old), I realised that the 'cool' kids really were idiots - they said, acted and claimed to think all the 'right' things. People who did their own thing were not cool. "Screw that" I thought, I'm me, I'm happy with that, and I honestly, whole-heartedly believed that what they said meant nothing. I hadn't planned it this way, but not caring meant that I didn't react to anyone's taunts. Well, don't pretend you don't hear them as it's a sign that it's getting to you and you're trying to hide it. Very rapidly everyone stopped bothering. Responding with an unconcerned "Yeah, whatever", or "C'mon, you can do better than that", or even "Yeah, whatever, dick head" (Yes, swearing is bad, but it's the language of the school yard) can be good, but only if you believe them. Kids can spot an act and will relentlessly tease you if they know that underneath you're upset. One thing I started doing was agreeing with them. If they teased my hair, I'd laugh and say "Yeah, it is pretty stupid, isn't it?". That'd really throw them! I was confident enough to have a laugh at my own expense and not be upset. That killed the appeal, they rapidly stopped bothering. I started believing in myself and liking who I was, and a few people very highly respected that and wanted to be my friends. I was still weird, but I was accepted by some and ignored by others. From there on social life at school was pretty good. By the end of high school, I was teased so rarely that it bothered me! It was a normal part of school life, I wasn't getting it! People would all tease each other, including good friends. I had large number of friends and they'd all tease each other, mostly in good fun, sometimes harshly, but no one ever teased me, so I'd tease myself! I even started deliberately doing stupid or otherwise ridiculous things to get teased, but everyone knew it wouldn't bother me, so it wouldn't happen.  I suppose that made them even less keen to tease me, because they saw I had the confidence to freely do whatever I wanted - clearly their taunts would have no chance of upsetting me.I've always worn daggy clothes, but people rarely comment on it and when they do it isn't to try to upset me, and hasn't been since I was a little kid.

The cliche is true, most people are bad people. It's not just a load of crap when people say that other kids' taunts are of no consequence. I know at your age it can be extremely difficult, I certainly had a very hard time myself as a young kid, I had extremely low self esteem for quite a few years as a child, but it's very possible to get yourself out of it and have a happy life. Things can turn around very quickly if you can get yourself into the right frame of mind.

I would actually love to go back to school at that age, knowing what I know now. It'd be absolutely awesome, I'd give all the cool kids a really hard time! Even without the benefit of what I know now, I'd love to go back. The feeling of going from the weirdo who gets teased to the guy no one wants to bother giving a hard time, and many admire as a very confident person was great. When you get older it's fairly similar I suppose. You can be weird and feel bad about it - and thought of as a weirdo, or you can be weird and revel in it - and thought of as eccentric! A lot of people like eccentrics, and those who don't are usually jealous deep down, because they wish they could express themselves as freely as you do without the worry of getting upset about people thinking they're abnormal.

I'm not abnormal, you're not abnormal, everyone else is Have the confidence to be your own person, do what you want, be alone if that's the way it is, or just be with the people who accept you. Don't take that to the extreme - try to adhere to the basic social rules as best you can, but (at least in general) don't pretend to like or think things you don't. I don't recommend telling anyone you're Aspergian unless you're at the stage where you're confident enough to hear anything that anyone can say without it upsetting you. No reason to give them more ammunition against you.

Okay, I could go on and on, I've been where you are and know what it's like, which is why I've typed so much, but I've probably already said too much, so I'll stop there. If you'd like to talk more about it, feel free to send me a PM.

Good luck Believe in yourself, you're a great person