I was recently and officially diagnosed with AS. Two years ago I was diagnosed with ADD (at the age of 25) and it was quite a bit for my parents to swallow.
Here's the issue: I recently told my sister of my diagnosis (she's 30) and she flat out thought it was wrong. Given what I've seen, I beg to differ and it makes me wonder how well my sister knows me, but that's not the problem. The problem is that currently a very close family relative is dying of lung cancer and isn't expected to be around much longer, however, I'm finishing an application to a credential school to teach high school kids w/mild to moderate disabilities and disclosure of my diagnosis is important to getting in to school for many reasons (among other things, to explain why I'm interested).
The bottom line is that my parents will find out, but I'm not sure right now is the time. As I said, my sister was in outright denial and shock when I told her what I had learned, and I don't see my parents acting differently. In comes the AS blindness to others' emotions, but I'm trying to take a step back for a second. I know I *should* be concerned with their possible reaction and I'm refraining from further action for now, but I can't hold off forever. My mother is quite emotional right now, which is also something I don't understand. When a family member dies, it will often take me a few years to react to the event emotionally and I realize that this is my own shortcoming. I'm the exception here, and I need to not be selfish for a second for their sake. I'm also entirely blind to a whole host of things that may be going on here and for once I'd like to not blunder in and intrude as I usually do.
So do I tell them tomorrow in anticipation of my application, hold off and see what happens, or wait until the inevitable? I'm at a loss...
I just realized that this may be in the wrong forum, however, it sill relates to initial diagnosis.
What you said about how you reacted to a family member dieing is a bit like me, as I didn't really react emotionally to the death of my Grandmother (though I do miss her a bit), and I feel like that's a bad thing (selfish). Anyway, you seem to be in a tough situation here. You may want to wait a little if your mother is emotional right now, let her calm down a bit if you can, but don't hold it off too long - your parents might get angry if you don't tell them soon after learning it yourself. And also, how can your sister deny it if it's an OFFICIAL diagnosis? Surely your family can believe the word of a proffessional? (especially if you think it fits - you're the best judge at knowing who you are in this case)
Do they have to sign the application? If not, it may mean that you can hold off on telling them, for a reason they should understand--that you don't want to flood them with yet more craziness when they're already experiencing anticipatory grief. Maybe it's best to just do what you can to support your family (your delayed grief may actually help you to support them, if it means you are able to think straight while they're in the middle of things, and can handle the day to day stuff while they're disabled by grief)... then tell them later when things have calmed down.
Logically, it shouldn't be too traumatic to your folks if they do find out beforehand. AS isn't some horrible disease; you're the same person you were before and just have a name for it now.
The bottom line is that my parents will find out, but I'm not sure right now is the time. As I said, my sister was in outright denial and shock when I told her what I had learned, and I don't see my parents acting differently. In comes the AS blindness to others' emotions, but I'm trying to take a step back for a second. I know I *should* be concerned with their possible reaction
Whose life is it to live, yours or theirs? They can be adults about it or be childish about it, but their reaction doesn't change who you are. Are you going to destroy your life around their momentary comfort? Are they really so foolish that they'll take the diagnosis as some kind of "tragedy"? You are who you are and the diagnosis doesn't magically transform you into someone else. If they freak out merely because of a diagnosis--attaching a label to your behaviors--they never accepted you in the first place.
You are not going to die from Asperger's. It's not a tragedy. If they treat it like one, then the problem is THEIR problem, not yours.
thebvp, why do they need to know 'in anticipation of your application? You're 27 years old; do they have to read your application?
I agree that your sister's reaction is pretty histrionic, and I wonder if she gave you the old "Don't tell Mom and dad -- this will kill them" routine.
Your choices are not tell them right now v. wait forever. If you want to wait until they're emotionally recovered from the family member's death, that's your choice. But be sure that's not just based on your sister's over-reaction. After all, it's not like you're announcing you're a child molester or a Republican.
But as someone with some experience in "coming out" I will say that there will always be some reason to forestall the big revelation. After the family illness it will be something else.
It really sounds like the name of the family game is "Denial Is Our Primary value, So Nobody Tell the Truth" -- even when it is such a benign truth as having AS.
After all, it's not like you're announcing you're a child molester or a Republican.
too funny. my dad flipped when I told him I'm a democrat. 
thebvp- Its hard to know how they will react. But I think its safe to say you should wait it out for a bit. I told my mom, she still doesn't really "get" it and keep trying to talk me out of "it". AS can be so personal and internal, its possible that not everyone saw these things in you. I don't think I ever really expressed the real, tangible problems I was having and as long as I was able to work around them, no one seemed to notice. 
I was recently and officially diagnosed with AS. Two years ago I was diagnosed with ADD (at the age of 25) and it was quite a bit for my parents to swallow.
Here's the issue: I recently told my sister of my diagnosis (she's 30) and she flat out thought it was wrong. Given what I've seen, I beg to differ and it makes me wonder how well my sister knows me, but that's not the problem. The problem is that currently a very close family relative is dying of lung cancer and isn't expected to be around much longer, however, I'm finishing an application to a credential school to teach high school kids w/mild to moderate disabilities and disclosure of my diagnosis is important to getting in to school for many reasons (among other things, to explain why I'm interested).
The bottom line is that my parents will find out, but I'm not sure right now is the time. As I said, my sister was in outright denial and shock when I told her what I had learned, and I don't see my parents acting differently. In comes the AS blindness to others' emotions, but I'm trying to take a step back for a second. I know I *should* be concerned with their possible reaction and I'm refraining from further action for now, but I can't hold off forever. My mother is quite emotional right now, which is also something I don't understand. When a family member dies, it will often take me a few years to react to the event emotionally and I realize that this is my own shortcoming. I'm the exception here, and I need to not be selfish for a second for their sake. I'm also entirely blind to a whole host of things that may be going on here and for once I'd like to not blunder in and intrude as I usually do.
So do I tell them tomorrow in anticipation of my application, hold off and see what happens, or wait until the inevitable? I'm at a loss...
I'd say hold off and see what happens but do put in your application as that's important for your own peace of mind. People are often stronger than you would think. You can't put your life on hold indefinitely because of how others "might" feel. I did that and still do and wish I could get out of this habit as it has led to many lost opportunities.
I don't think it's selfish to want to get into the course you'd like to do.
Let me put it this way:
The man who is the primary coordinator of the program I'm applying to also lives two doors away from where my parents have lived for the past twenty two years. I've known him since I was five years old, however, I now live across town, yet my parents see him a few times a week.
I have spoken with him about this, but it's still a very weird subject given the circumstances.
My sister teaches elementary school, herself, and I know that whenever a student of hers is given a similar diagnosis from a medical professional, it's a huge deal. I don't teach 8 year olds, so I can's speak much to the matter, myself, but I do know it affects the student from a pedagogical perspective pretty dramatically.
Let me put it this way:
The man who is the primary coordinator of the program I'm applying to also lives two doors away from where my parents have lived for the past twenty two years. I've known him since I was five years old, however, I now live across town, yet my parents see him a few times a week.
I have spoken with him about this, but it's still a very weird subject given the circumstances.
Would it be possible for you to ask him not to discuss this with your parents for the time being? Perhaps mentioning your close relative who is dying might help, just tell him that your family is going through a hard time and you'd rather tell them at a more appropriate time, so could he please not discuss your diagnosis with them.