Aspies For Freedom

My very dear monkeys:

As a cat living among your kind my entire life, I must admit to having never quite felt comfortable. All of my cat existence, I have felt alienated from your monkey lives. Please understand that I am not ungrateful for having not been exterminated before birth, as monkeys seem prone to be doing when it looks like a monkey might be born who would not measure up to monkey standards. But I still have many questions unanswered about monkey life, and answers to them might make both my life and yours smoother.

What is the function of monkey jabbering? When three words would suffice, monkeys use twenty. Do monkeys just like to pretend that extra meaning enters a statement if it is packed with unnecessary jibs and jabbers?

What is the secret of monkey jabbering technique? I have tried being thorougly irrelevant and pointless in my conversation, but find it far too uncomfortable to maintain. Just how does one comfortably pepper a conversation with all manner of irrelevant trivia and not feel ridiculous for sounding like a cartoon on amphetamines?

Another vital monkey trait that I have always failed to understand is poo flinging. What are the rules of flinging poo? Monkeys obviously consider poo flinging to be an extremely important part of their lives, given that they indulge in it so often, but when I have tried to engage in the pastime, I have been told that I fling poo at the wrong time, at the wrong targets, and that my poo has not been suitable in the first place. How does your poo improve upon mine for the vital function of flinging?

I have many other questions to ask of the monkeys, but my cat mind has yet to form them.

So most Aspies associate themselves with cats? Hm, I used to consider myself a cat as a child. Did anyone else?

that's funny!  i've recognized and sung to birds forever although i learned a slightly different language:  Happy!  Worried (weather)! Warning (predator)!  Warning (same species)!  "I'm right here (mamma to chicks)", "Hey babee how are you?!" and "whoa, human talking bird"

A lot of US police dogs are raised and trained in Germany.  Cops have to learn to talk to their dogs and if you listen to most cop/dog pairs, the cop says all police commands in German.  

I have a rescued-pup, miniature pincher, who was taken from a Spanish speaking home.  Whenever she hears Spanish, especial a male voice, she cowers and whines horribly.  She cannot tell the difference between different types of Latin language (Spanish, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Portuguese) however she will get jumpy, but will not overtly react, to Italian.