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Adam's year of cruelty

Filmmaker documents bullying of son with Asperger Syndrome
Mar 23, 2007 04:30 AM
Article by Trish Crawford,  Life Writer,  The Toronto Star, March 23, 2007.

Asperger Syndrome is a cruel condition.

The communication disorder distinguished by a failure to pick up social cues, body language or even make eye contact spells social isolation for the 15,000 Canadians who suffer from it.

Filmmaker Marianne Kaplan captured a year of cruelty inflicted on her 12-year-old son, Adam, as well as all the challenges his entire family faced, in her documentary The Boy Inside.

The film unflinchingly looks at the schoolyard bullying that has always been a part of Adam's life and a short clip of the movie at theboyinside.com shows him facing the first day of the school year in Grade 7 worrying about getting bullied. He expresses the hope that this year will be better than the last.

Kaplan said the goal of her film was to educate the public about Asperger Syndrome and to provide a glimpse into the pain and struggle an entire family faces when one of its members is challenged by this condition, which is a form of autism. Her daughter, for instance, who is two years older than Adam, doesn't want him coming to her school – it makes her life so complicated.

"In so many important ways they look like typical kids and, in some cases, behave like typical kids, so that people expect them to be typical kids — but they're not," says Kaplan in a telephone interview from her B.C. home. "They don't read social cues."

Things they do, like standing too close, talking too loudly, harping on a special topic, being obsessive about hobbies, not looking people in the eye, being oblivious to the needs of others in a social setting make people think they are "bratty," says Kaplan. Knowing about the condition can help people be kind, she says, adding, "Kids need more information and to be more empathetic."

Children with Asperger Syndrome are four times more likely to be bullied than other students, she says, and their parents also face social isolation when others judge or blame them for their children's behaviour.

When B.C. minister of state for child care, Linda Reid, saw the film, she was moved to incorporate it in every elementary school program in the province with back-up materials for teachers. When the prime bully of the movie saw himself on film, he wrote a heartfelt email to Adam, apologizing for his behaviour and saying he had no idea how hurtful he had been.

Kaplan counts these as victories, proof that her movie is changing hearts and minds.

It has been shown in many public forums and film festivals in the past year, including on the CBC last fall. The Aspergers Society of Ontario hosts a screening tomorrow at 2 p.m. at 333 Bloor St. E. followed by a question and answer session with Kaplan and Adam in attendance. An avid hockey player, Adam will also take in a Leafs game and tour the Hockey Hall of Fame. Now 14 and in Grade 9, Adam is finding high school much more pleasant than elementary school. He is proud he hasn't got into a fight "since grade school" and backed away from one only this week.

"He offended me in some way and there was going to be a fight. But, at the last minute, I called it off. Everyone around was yelling fight, fight, fight – they were disappointed. I just walked away."

Although his mother reports he spends most weekends alone with the family and doesn't have many friends, Adam says he has got a "nerdy group" he hangs out with in school adding, "but I'm kind of nerdy too."

It's a funny thing, his mother points out, that Adam has difficulty talking to individuals but has been able to hold an audience of hundreds in his thrall.

Adam agrees that talking to groups who see the movie "is kind of fun. I'm nervous with one person but I talk to a group."

Kaplan explains the difficulty looking people in the eye stems from the amount and intensity of information being received.

"There's so much information coming to them; they don't have filters to shut out the noise, the light, the smell. To look people in the eye is too intense. They look away and listen."

Another trait is arguing or having "melt downs" when the noise and confusion gets too much. Social skills training is one of the main ways to treat this disorder, says Kaplan, with instructions "repeated over and over. They don't get it on one try."
Maybe I didn't like the way they put it but I think it is a good thing.
I met Marianne and Adam at the Autism Biennial Conference at the behinning of March (http://www.autismvancouver2007.com/).  It was rather neat!  Pretty informative, too!  I broke down and cried a few times while watching it, in a room full of about 500 people, no less.  I didn't make much noise, if any; it's just that tears came at certain parts.  Grade 7 was miserable for me, too.

The entire conference was eye-opening!  There were mostly parents there who were looking for ways to help their kids.  Some were curebies, but I didn't hang out with them really.  When there was a choice of workshops I attended the ones more on how to help now, rather than to cure.  I also saw a movie about famous people on the spectrum and met and talked with some of the presenters (Stephen Shore, Temple Grandin Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, etc).  It was quite enlightening!

FYI: "The Boy Inside" will be repeating Tuesday April 3, 2007 at 10pm ET/PT on CBC Newsworld.

http://www.theboyinside.com/

Take care.
I find it interesting that the narrator summed up Asperger's as "an inability to read social cues." News items etc. often sum up Asperger's that way. Is that really the fundamental thing about AS?
Nah, but people thing it is the most crucial.
thing = think in my last message

erkolos Wrote:
Nah, but people thing it is the most crucial.


I think I disagree with them. I'm not too bad at reading people's faces, but Asperger's still makes it very difficult for me to interact with people. I can tell when people think I'm weird or stupid; they look at me funny and start talking all soft and slow- it's a very patronizing voice. Frankly I'd rather I couldn't tell.

Solana Wrote:
I think I disagree with them. I'm not too bad at reading people's faces, but Asperger's still makes it very difficult for me to interact with people. I can tell when people think I'm weird or stupid; they look at me funny and start talking all soft and slow- it's a very patronizing voice. Frankly I'd rather I couldn't tell.

For the most part I could never tell, although I became a bit more socially aware in my mid-teens, but I am very glad it was never enough to make me see those things.

I have read that before in several ASD books about how a lot more people with less severe AS and NTs with AS traits have problems with self esteem and social phobia than people with HFA for example, because a certain lack of social awareness can be a good thing when it comes to not feeling spurned or attacked all the time.

I think the monotropism theory of autism might be the explanation of why some autistics don't seem to "read" social cues. It's all to do with the narrowness of the focus of attention and the speed of attention-shifting. I think I do pick up social cues in slower-speed social interactions and one-on-one interactions.

Isn't is comical how obvious the article writer's misconception of bullying and AS is? The article starts with the sentence "Asperger Syndrome is a cruel condition." and then the article proceeds to explain the cruelty of many neurotypical people. Is the author so stupid that she is unable to understand that the fault is in the moral consciences of the neurotypical bullies? Why are even the most disreputable normal people judged to be "not the issue" by other normal people when they are in conflict with the majority? I could easliy imagine a similar article about some fat kid being bullied that starts with the sentence ""Obesity is a cruel condition." Why are the normal majority always judged to be faultless when they bully a member of a small minority that is not politically fashionable?

Solana Wrote:
I find it interesting that the narrator summed up Asperger's as "an inability to read social cues." News items etc. often sum up Asperger's that way. Is that really the fundamental thing about AS?


The most important part of monkey's lives is jabber-jabber (followed by poo-flinging).  Therefore, when someone doesn't do jabber-jabber (or poo flinging), a monkey considers it a disaster.

Lili Marlene Wrote:
Why are even the most disreputable normal people judged to be "not the issue" by other normal people when they are in conflict with the majority?



Dissent is the ultimate evil.  Conformity is the ultimate good.  Society is based around conformity.  What is the ultimate answer to non-conformity?  Prenatal testing, followed by genocide.  It has happened once, already.

Lili Marlene Wrote:
I think the monotropism theory of autism might be the explanation of why some autistics don't seem to "read" social cues. It's all to do with the narrowness of the focus of attention and the speed of attention-shifting. I think I do pick up social cues in slower-speed social interactions and one-on-one interactions.

Isn't is comical how obvious the article writer's misconception of bullying and AS is? The article starts with the sentence "Asperger Syndrome is a cruel condition." and then the article proceeds to explain the cruelty of many neurotypical people. Is the author so stupid that she is unable to understand that the fault is in the moral consciences of the neurotypical bullies? Why are even the most disreputable normal people judged to be "not the issue" by other normal people when they are in conflict with the majority? I could easliy imagine a similar article about some fat kid being bullied that starts with the sentence ""Obesity is a cruel condition." Why are the normal majority always judged to be faultless when they bully a member of a small minority that is not politically fashionable?



Quoted for truth.

Solana Wrote:

Lili Marlene Wrote:
I think the monotropism theory of autism might be the explanation of why some autistics don't seem to "read" social cues. It's all to do with the narrowness of the focus of attention and the speed of attention-shifting. I think I do pick up social cues in slower-speed social interactions and one-on-one interactions.

Isn't is comical how obvious the article writer's misconception of bullying and AS is? The article starts with the sentence "Asperger Syndrome is a cruel condition." and then the article proceeds to explain the cruelty of many neurotypical people. Is the author so stupid that she is unable to understand that the fault is in the moral consciences of the neurotypical bullies? Why are even the most disreputable normal people judged to be "not the issue" by other normal people when they are in conflict with the majority? I could easliy imagine a similar article about some fat kid being bullied that starts with the sentence ""Obesity is a cruel condition." Why are the normal majority always judged to be faultless when they bully a member of a small minority that is not politically fashionable?



Quoted for truth.


Seconded

Actually I could see why the other kids found him hard to deal with. He acted fine at home (though it seemed scripted) but he was rather rude and persistantly obnoxious to the little girl who was trying to endure him on the playground.
I completely agree with Lili Marlene.

Aspergers is not cruel, it's the people who don't understand it.
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