Aspies For Freedom

Hi, I am new here. I'm a NT Mom to an almost 6 yr old wonderful child with Aspie traits. Everyone has been so helpful with my other posts. Thank you.

Which brings me to this and this should bring up some lively debate.

As a Mom to a child born in 2001 during the "vaccines are causing autism" hysteria; the autism epidemic hysteria; and living in a time of the internet with way too much information at my fingertips; I was wondering if all of you knew what is going on out there to Mothers: if a child is not talking by 18 months, mothers are in a panic. If they have any sensory issues ("he's freaking out at the fluerescent lights at CostCo-- he must be autistic!"; "he won't eat green food -- oh my God this is a symptom for autism!"  "How is his eye contact? Do you think he's OK?" "He was spinning a wheel on his car; oh my God that's one of the symptoms!" I can't tell you how many friends and acquaintances who have had children in the past 5 years and at least 50% have had early intervention check their kid out. Everyone is
terrified if their child has any delay of any kind or if they are picky eaters or fussy babies. It's kind of ridiculous.

Now, with that said. I wanted to know how you all felt about Early Intervention. Being against a cure and all; how do you reconcile this with a terrified Mother who is being told she must do everything and anything to help her child or they are doomed for life.

I will never forget the first thing I got in the mail from early intervention: a packet. The first line I read was:  "Autism is a serious neurological blah blah bblah blah One third of people with autism will have to be institutionalized and will not be able to live independently."

Now if you are a first time mother and you get that as your introduction to autism, wouldn't YOU do early intervention?

I'm not accusing or being confrontational. But I'm just trying to see how you all feel about Early Intervention. Isn't that part of "curing" autism?  Do you resent parents like me who have done early intervention (not ABA, just speech, OT, etc).?  Am I a part of the problem? I thought maybe also you might like hearing it from a Mother's perspective of why there is so much push for a cure. Or at least answers. Then again, I don't have a severely autistic child who is nonverbal. But even my son's mild issues have been a lot of hard work. Do you all believe that I should have just left my child alone and not done early intervention?

I am just curious and trying to understand the perspective. I love this site and what you are doing here. It's awesome really and very empowering to me as a mother.

Thanks

CRUSH THE DEFECTIVES!!!!  CRUSH THEM!!!!! CRUSH THEM!!!!

That's how I sum up "early intervention".

See, that's what I am so afraid of. I have been at times overbearing. I have forced interactions and tried to squash obsessions. I think because of all the scary information I have, I have a tendency to blow some things out of proportion. This is what is so terrible about this whole early intervention thing: instead of seeing the beauty of the child, you just see "red flags" that indicate problems down the road; and these red flags must be dealt with. It's awful. But at the same time, you can't blow off SOME problems like speech delay and being able to at least parallel play with another child, learn to take turns, share, etc. My child didn't really stim at all physically-- he did a lot of repetitive play which I guess could be considered a stim.

When he was 2 and someone scared me with the autism thing (because of speech delay), I was terrified. I would wake up and watch him: Oh my God, today he's going to lose eye contact (because that's what the frickin' literature tells you). So I must do everything to make sure he is connected. After 8 weeks of being terrified, watching his every move, I was so mad I said to my family "Well if this is autism, it AIN'T THAT BAD." I mean my kid definitely had some difficult things going on as a toddler (stubborn, demanding, obsessive), but at the same time he was fantastic. He was amazing too, some of the precocious things he did.

I definitely also let him be who he is. I mean, he's awesome! And I always tell him that, but I also try to teach him "You know, not everyone knows about the Justice League and sometimes they don't know what you're talking about. So try not to talk about them so much." "When someone says 'You told me that already', just so "oh, sorry!" and try to ask them a question so they can talk."
I try to just sort of logically tone down the things that could make him a victim/target. See that's the whole point: I am trying to get him to the point where he can hold his own socially. No one is going to mess with my kid! And that's what we work on -- pragmatics and processing language better.

What bugs me is some Mothers who are aiming for that "indistinguishable from his peers" seal of approval that the schools give out. What a twisted concept: I want my kid to blend in and not be free to express who he really is. Ugh.

By the way,  it's not just hysteria about ASD -- it's also ADHD and Bipolar and oppositional defiant disorder, etc. If anyone is difficult in the least, they MUST have some condition and it must be dealt with.

Makes ya wanna homeschool!

That's what my parents did too, but obviously without realising I had AS. I think that's what all parents do isn't it, whether their kid is NT or AS?
All kids need to be taught the basics about how the world works and what is/isn't acceptable.

My parents also used to talk to me for hours about anything and everything (including my obsessions), whether I was responding or not. They tended to talk to me as though I was an adult and never underestimated my intelligence. I think that's how I ended up with such a huge vocabulary as a child, I just absorbed information like a sponge. The important thing was that they never forced me to interact with them and they also allowed me plenty of time to myself (which again is how I would imagine many parents treat their children, AS or NT).

The whole idea of forcing AS kids to constantly interact with other people when they don't want to really annoys me. You wouldn't do the same to an NT child! It's just barbaric!

I'm so glad I had the kind of parents who explained everything to me. I can't imagine how people expect kids to just know how the world works.

Thinking back, I remember having a few problems with understanding what was acceptable personal hygiene when I was in my early teens. I remember my mum noticing and explaining that I should shower every morning and wash my hair every other day and then she took me to the shops and bought me a deodorant. After that my personal hygiene was impeccable.

How else would I have known that washing daily was what I was supposed to do? Do NT people just have some kind of built in instrucion manual or do they have to be told this kind of thing too? I'm confused now.... it never occured to me before that I might have needed more instruction than other people.

So what would your views be if you define early intervention as any sort of added support that is provided to help with social skills, sensory issues, speech and motor issues etc?
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I have a son who was diagsosed at age 3 and I was told early intervention is for children who are 18months to 3yo.  And from ages 3-5 is considered preschool and so on.  I know from my experience that my son got occupational therapy for his sensory issues and fine motor skills, physical therapy for is gross motor planning and speech.  He also is attending a intergrated preschool for educational and social reasons.  My son loves therapy for him its 1 on 1 learning and playing!!  I know that it has helped my son in so many ways.  He doesn't run from a new enviroment instead he is a little timid at first but then can adjust after 15 to 30 minutes.  His confidence is so much higher now.  He has friends that he plays with!!  I am so grateful for the services that he has received and also that the therapist and teachers he has are so nuturing to him.  He writes his name and in the past 2 weeks started Yoga with his OT(which he LOVES).  Sorry I keep rambling but my son is doing great and I believe that the services he receives are a big part of it!!

When I was a kid, most people hadn't heard of autism.  The good things my parents did for me were: let me follow my own path, were pleased when I quietly played alone in my room (remember when that was a GOOD child?), showed interest in my interests, praised me for things I was good at, helped when I asked for it and listened sympahtically when I cried about not being popular. Other than that, they taught the practical stuff you'd teach any kid.  I do not feel it's right to punish a child for "giving the wrong look" or the wrong stance, or to have a reticent personality.  Nobody has the right to be Thought Police.

How the heck did the thread wander from NT mothers to pubic hairstyles??  

I am a mother and I only wish I could have 1 on 1 play with my son all day.  And I dream of being able to stay home with my children during the work week......  But since I have another child and I am a single parent I have to work.  I am lucky that I work at the same place that my HFA son attends school so I can be involved as much as possible but if it wasn't for the "therapy" or 1 on 1 play my son would not have a quarter of the confidence that he has or be comfortable being him.  I am lucky that when he gets out of school I can be at home with him and his sister!!!  Not every school tries to make the child fit into the "mold" that this society does.  We have been blessed to have the therapists and teachers that have been in our lives.  They nurture his so called "differences" or "quirks" that make him who he is.....  And because of those "therapies" my son loves yoga and playing baseball and writes him name.

Well If the state I live in would so I could feed my children, pay for our house, food for us to eat and health insurance I would do it in a heartbeat.  But unfortunately it doesn't work that way......I am trying my best to take care of BOTH of my children the best way I know how.  And these people you call "strangers" have actually taken more interest in my son then his extended family(once he was diagnosed wanted nothing to do with us).  They care about him genuinely, I understand that there are therapists out there that don't care or whatever but not in my case!! These "therapists" our now my friends/family that I have a relationship with along with my children. I think that I am taking this personally and maybe I shouldn't but  I am following my instincts and doing what I think is best and my son has done nothing but enjoy the time his spends at school with his therapist & teachers......He now has friends that he plays with and is writing his name.....He now found his new favorite activity which is yoga!!  If I thought this was harming or hurting my son in anyway he would not be in therapy or school but its the total opposite he LOVES it!!

Since I was a foster child, and my biological mother was thought to be mentaly *** (she probably just had a really really low functioning form of Autism but then she was just too social) I was forced to have early intervention. My adotive parents could do nothing about it either.

I am an Aspie mother with 4 children.  I'm afraid of my kids NOT being Autistic (as it stands, I'm fairly sure I've got: 2 Aspies, 1 BAP/maybe Aspie and 1 HFA: yes, I realize I've probably beat the odds).  

To be frank, I am afraid of NOT relating to them... I am afraid of NOT being able to pass on what I've learned, my experiences and have them "get it".  I'm afraid of not being able to connect to the children I gave birth to.  If they are NT, I won't be able to understand them as well as if they are all Autistic.

Do you know what I mean?  Are you afraid of your children being Autistic because you won't be able to relate to them?  I can completely understand that.... but from the opposite end of the spectrum.

However, if any of my children are NT, I can tell you that I won't try to mold them into my idea of what I think they SHOULD be.  I think it would be incredibly cruel and selfish of me to impose the way I see the world onto these beautiful little sentient beings I've been blessed with the raising of.  They need to be who they were meant to be...even if that means they have a completely different neuro-heritage than I do.

I am, oddly enough, a non-verbal Aspie.  When I get angry, my grasp of language flies out the window and I am reduced to growling (very unpleasant for all involved).  I now have a picture board thing to help me when that happens.  I have this as a tool to help me navigate this aspect of my world. NT's use tools to survive in this world too: you use body language as a tool to survive social encounters, you use small-talk as a tool to create bonds with each other.  Those tools just happen to be different than the tools I need to survive... and your children need to survive.  

There is giving your Autistic children the tools he/she needs to survive, and then there is changing the child to conform to your personal standards as to what "your child" should be.  I am afraid that some parents out there were so disappointed in the child they were entrusted with, that they desire to change that incredibly sacred life into a mockery of what they think the child "could have been"; instead of taking this opportunity to realize that you, as Neurotypical (and Autistic) parents, were given this monumental task of caring for this very vulnerable soul because this child has something he or she needs to learn from you.... and there are things that you, most definitely, need to learn from he or she.

Not sure I made much sense... but there it is.

Thank you all for replies. Keep em coming. This is very helpful, really appreciate it