This is something that I am struggling with too.
My mother was very overbearing. She knew there was something very 'wrong' with me, but she didn't know what it was, and so she didn't turn to any particular kind of intervention therapy. She might as well have, though; 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, she fought with me to make me be, or seem, less autistic. She was ALWAYS there, forcing me to have conversations with her and other people, to hurry up, to remember things, to pay attention, to look people in the eye, to speak up, to ask questions, and to identify and understand other people's emotions. If it wasn't for her intensive intervention, I don't think I would be as independent as I am today. (I am not completely independent, but I'm pretty darn close, and no one I work with knows about my AS. I think that once people get to know me they start to think I'm a little nuts or a little stupid.) Mostly, I avoid socialization, but I am able to do it almost normally for short periods. I don't think I would be if it hadn't been for my mother.
On the other hand, I often strongly resent her intervention. I can't stand hearing my own first name because I heard her calling for me so often. (I actually changed my name because of that. I'm dead serious here.) Throughout my childhood I never, ever got ten minutes' peace to do or think my own thing; she was always there, for the first eighteen years of my life, forcing me to live in her world. I have not had a chance to develop my talents in any meaningful way because she always nipped my obsessions in the bud. I went to a regular school and I was mercilessly teased by the other children. They tore my soul to shreds.
Am I more mediocre than I otherwise would be, because I was forced to be as 'normal' as I possibly could? What would I be like today if my mother hadn't done what she did? Have I left my true self behind? Was it worth it?
I don't know.
NORMALISE THEM,BEFORE THEY WIERD US OUT
is how i see early intervention.
it is,however,important to mentally stimulate the child.
but..for godsake,dont do it via ABA or that whole 'down-time is wasted time' bullshit.
just give them easy access to information.introduce them to the joys of reading..but let them advance at their own pace.if it seems they need space,let it be so.
dont overbear.
dont blame them for their autism
dont resort to violence
let them stim-it''ll help calm them down.
When I was a kid, and showing all the early signs of Asperger's (although at that point people just thought I was quirky because noone knew about AS) everyone just accepted me as I was. As I got older AS was suggested now and then, but it was never considered as a problem or something that needed to be officially diagnosed or treated. In my teens I learned to assimilate 'normal' social behaviour and these days most people would assume I'm just a rather eccentric NT.
I think if I had have been diagnosed as a child, and then had all the associated 'support' and 'treatment' it would have only made things worse. If a child at school has a support worker and an AS diagnosis, all the other kids know they are different and will treat them differently. At school I was just known as the clumsy, geeky, brainy kid which is much better than being known as 'the ***' (politically incorrect, but it's what the 'normal' kids called the 'special needs' kids when I was at school).
The fact I never knew my difficulties were probably down to AS until I was an adult made my childhood easier in some ways. I knew I was different to the other kids, but I never saw that as a disability or a handicap. I think if I had been told I had AS I would have used it as an excuse for avoiding social situations rather than learning to cope with them. I think a person with AS needs to learn to cope with their difficulties and the world around them THEMSELVES, in their own way, not by being told what to do and how to do it by support workers. If they act or think differently to other people, so what? Don't try to force 'normal' behaviours on a child if they don't come naturally to the kid. I was always allowed to develop in my own way, however unusual that was.
I have managed to achieve the same things (or better) in life that my NT friends have, without ever knowing why I was different to other people or feeling that it was a problem.
I am pursuing an AS diagnosis in adulthood because I feel it will help me understand myself better, but I am eternally glad I wasn't diagnosed or treated for AS as a child.
Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I have no problem with speech therapy, I had it myself as a child. If a kid has a problem with speech then a speech therapist could help whether they are AS or NT. The side of early intervention I do have a problem with is trying to teach a kid to act 'normal'.
I saw a child from my school who had HFA being repeatedly shouted at by a support worker because he was stimming and also because he wouldn't make eye contact. He would get upset becuse she was shouting and start to rock which would make her shout more. She would also constantly force him to interact with her when he was trying to have some time to himself.
I always felt sorry for him and didn't see why he wasn't allowed to do these things. I was allowed to stim/stare into space/not make eye contact because I wasn't diagnosed AS and people just accepted me the way I was. It seemed that by getting the diagnosis and support, he was being punished for just being himself.
See, that's what I am so afraid of. I have been at times overbearing. I have forced interactions and tried to squash obsessions.
but if my mother had quashed my obsessions,i wouldn't now be doing a college course i don't have the prerequisites for in ICT.i should,by rights,have done two years before doing the course i'm on.but she allowed me it,and as such,i have a vast knowledge in that field.
ask Natalie,she is an expert on marine biology and snakes.
obsessions are GOOD.they allow one to gain a vast,detailed and textured knowledge of a subject.
I was allowed to stim/stare into space/not make eye contact because I wasn't diagnosed AS and people just accepted me the way I was. It seemed that by getting the diagnosis and support, he was being punished for just being himself.
I'm not sure that would be the case - I mean if your environment is tolerant enough to accept you for who you are, don't you think there is at least a chance they would have treated you similarly *with* a diagnosis?
I don't think so. I went to a very small old fashioned school and the teachers/support workers were pretty hard on the 'special needs' kids, trying to get them to act 'normally'. They always saw them as having something 'wrong' with them that had to be cured.
They treated me harshly for my unusual behaviour too, but because I was also academically brilliant I was just considered to be an 'eccentric genius'.
I think if I'd have had an official AS/HFA diagosis back then, the teachers would have also seen my traits as something 'wrong' which had to be fixed, and I don't think I would be the person I am today.
Having said all this, I imagine the school system has changed a great deal since I was at school. My experience is of a tiny country school in the 1980s, when no one knew about AS.
Maybe these days if an AS child gets a supportive, understanding teacher with a knowledge of their difficulties then an official diagnosis would make things better.
my hygine is terrible.
i will quite happily go weeks without washing.
i dont even notice that i have done so. my mum did nag me to begin with,but i had a..reaction..to some of the aerosols.also,i hate the way they smell
Tried odor-free stick deodorant, or the hypoallergenic style?... Well, it does have a smell, of course; only it's not as strong as most. It's not good not to keep up hygiene because you can make other people rather upset if you smell bad.
quite frankly,i dont care.i have to put up with their 'looks' of disgust at my clothing and mannerisms,f*** 'em.why should i make the effort for those..pieces of garbage?
[quote=Callista]
Tried odor-free stick deodorant, or the hypoallergenic style?... Well, it does have a smell, of course; only it's not as strong as most. It's not good not to keep up hygiene because you can make other people rather upset if you smell bad.
I'm not trying to be a jerk, but hygeine is one thing you don't want to be lax on, especially if you're part of a minority group that's going to have to fight hard to keep the respect of the world. Please take it seriously. I am only saying this out of respect for all of you.
:shamed:
:embaressed:
Don't feel too bad Pikajedi3, I used to be a little lax on hygiene too. Now I am (usually) squeaky clean and fresh smelling, which my family and boyfriend really do appreciate!
Deodorant isn't essential. I would suggest that washing (a two minute shower with a little soap on your 'sweaty bits' is enough) at least every other day, would mean you probably wouldn't need deodorant anyway.
My boyfriend never wears deodorant and he smells nice, although he does have a shower or bath most days.
Hold on! How did this thread end up being about personal hygiene?
errr..good question?
(by the way,call me pika,or,better yet,Richard)
Thinking back, I remember having a few problems with understanding what was acceptable personal hygiene when I was in my early teens. I remember my mum noticing and explaining that I should shower every morning and wash my hair every other day and then she took me to the shops and bought me a deodorant. After that my personal hygiene was impeccable.
That's kind of odd, I mean it is normal to need reminding of these things in your teens but it seems a bit strange that they would've waited to start explaining until you were in your teens.
I suspect that most NT kids communicate more with each other and with their parents, and pick things up from their environment more easily?
I agree with you about that Noetic.
My parents did explain to me about washing when I was quite young, they just didn't explain in enough detail. It only became obvious that I'd misundertood the explanation once puberty had started and sweating became a major issue.
I knew I was supposed to shower and wash my hair regularly, I think the problem was that I didn't know how often 'regularly' was. I was oblivious to how often the rest of my family washed, so I think I just assumed once a week was good enough (I was doing it 'regularly', at exactly one week intervals, after all!).
The deodorant confusion was because from my observations only adults used deodorant. Deodorant commercials only featured adults, the only people who I knew used deodorant were my parents (adults) and I had few friends my own age so I never knew if they used it or not. Deodorant was for adults, I was 13, so by my logic why would I even think about wearing deodorant?
My ex was a very smelly person: he often had B.O. and his breath often smelt dreadful. I kept telling him but it did no good, and some people thought I was terribly rude. But if you let a person go on stinking, they won't have many friends and other people will remember them for being "that smelly person" and this will overshadow any positive traits they have.
I agree (what is BO?), unless someone is hyposensitive to such smells, it can be a major spoiler for any sort of cohabitation or co-working experience.
I don't think kids are always told that when they become adolescents, they need to use a deodorant and/or wash carefully because they get hormones that cause body odour.
Agreed also, many parents don't seem to think this necessary 
BO is body odor
Early intervention for me would have been a good thing, i think that would have helped me alot.
instead of understanding why i was the way i was, i always thought i was stupid and lazy.
ive been very prone to suicide in my life, early intervention should be about the child, teaching the child how to deal with who they are, you should read the forum thread in "parents" from 7oclock the forum thread is named "teaching my child hints" or something like that.
that is exactly what early intervention should be about.
not making someone "normal" but teaching them about how to deal with who they are so they can get the most out of life.