Hello, I think your site is great.
I am Mom to almost 6yr old who shows signs of being an Aspie. He was reading and writing at 2 1/2 and was biting his sandwiches into state shapes (Florida, Utah) at 3yrs old. So you can see he was a little unusual. Very stubborn, frustrated easily and had/has obsessive interests. Yet at the same time, he loves meeting people, going to new places; his obsessions change. He is very OK with change. But he does poorly socially because he gets too excited and his speech is a little off. He has auditory processing problems. He tested as Gifted (IQ 139) at 4 yrs/1 month old. I had him tested because I was already getting "hints" about Ritalin in preschool (Montessori). I feel he is somewhere on the spectrum; the most accurate being Hyperlexia with because he is so high functioning, but as I am getting ready for 1st grade no one knows about hyperlexia or understands it and to get him supports at school most likely I am going to get an Aspergers label at some point.
He is doing quite well --- but the worst part is his "fight or flight"
response when something happens like a kid took the basketball away from him when it rolled away and instead of working it out, he attempts to get the ball back, uses words at first but then some sort of panic response sets in and he freaks out, bursts into tears and gets very upset. Then everyone who witnesses it think something is wrong with him. He can pull himself together fairly quickly, but I need help in knowing how I can help him in this area! This happens at school as well when he has power struggles with the teacher. It's like he can't come up with the words he needs at the time; and the "fight or flight" response kicks in and he loses it. Again, he collects himself, can explain himself and move on but it causes a lot of stress.
Please help me to help him. Will this improve with age as his brain matures?
We have done role playing, breathing techniques, etc. Is it just going to take time? Thank you
Anyway,
I know that in the US you can get tested and diagnosis through the public schools... the quality of which would depend on your school system. You could also talk to your doctor who might be able to send you to a specialist.
My 4YO has a similar "over-reaction" to situations like that and bursts into tears over any small confrontation. I'm not sure if that's necessarily and aspie trait myself. (I'm newly self-diagnosed and trying to avoid my microscoping my children for right now...) But as soon as the actual pressure is off and she can think through what happens she bounces back fine. I usually try to talk to her about what had happened (it usually seems to be when another kid "tells" on her for meaningless faults, as kids do...) and that kids tell on each other all the time so its really not such a big thing. Can't say it actually helps anything though... when she's past it she's past it until it comes up again...
Hi, thanks for response. Actually, he HAS been evaluated and all he got was ADHD (plus the gifted part too if that's a diagnosis). It was a "working" diagnosis as he was 4 1/2 at the time. He is on the surface very friendly and social; I mean he wants to be social but he has a hard time due to....something. So for the time being Aspergers was ruled out. We'll do some new evals soon though. Thanks
not to sound like a jerk, but if i were his big sister i'd tell him "dont do that you look like a baby, people want to be friends with big kids" or "stop doing that you look like a loser and no one will want to be your friend". Also to be faire, i would introduce the concept of autism in his life so he wont have a big surprise when he gets diagnosed. Well i would've liked to have known early on so i could like..improve socially I guess.
I also cant speak well, espcially in like a soccer game, I have all thses amazing plans but I dont have the language skills to complete them. I end up making a bunch of wierd noises and flail my arms wildly to get their attention, my most used one is "suis"(like the french word) I use it to yell out commands and answer yes or no questions.
well i say stuff like this to my little sister when absolutly nessesary. Like on time she wore capris with her socks all the way pulled up and these shoes with really dorky laces. I was like "OMG!!! MICHELLE! STUPID WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE IN THAT?!" i mostly yelled at mom for letting her wear that. I proceeded to buy her some slammin new kicks, which i wear too cause she is so big we can share shoes and stuff.
Hi! Thanks for response. How old are you by the way?
Yes, we have done the "stop acting like a baby" method. I feel so badly saying this to him, like it's going to damage his self esteem and he'll grow up and shoot up his school because I said this to him when he was younger. He is the oldest, so he has no older sibling to help him. But I know what you are saying. For now, I am putting my foot down saying "You CAN'T do this any longer. We have to come up with a better way." I just need the right words that will sink in. Thanks for your advice. It is helpful.
"Anyway I think if you taught him how to deal with unexpected situations or situations where he feels like he is losing control of what is happenening it might make him feel more in control when such a situation does arise so everything won't seem so overwhelming."
I know -- but how do you "teach" this to someone? For example, last night he was brushing his teeth and I was in the bathroom with him picking up some laundry and actually bumped him and caused him to clunk the side of his head on the vanity countertop. Nothing too painful, but a little bit. He immediately tears up, then gets mad with smoke coming out of his ears saying "You'll pay for this" while toothpaste foam is making him look more rabid. My first reaction was to soothe him, apologize and say it was just an accident. But he says "no you did it on purpose." It's just exasperating. Then within one minute it is over with and hugs and kisses and tears gone. He realizes it was just an accident, but either the pain or embarrassment (he gets embarrassed over things like tripping, or making mistakes) makes him go into this intense angry state. Thankfully it is very brief. Maybe they are brief because I stay calm and I also try to use humor when appropriate because he responds to that. He has never had any extended meltdown but the outbursts he has are intense and stressful.
So, the behavior that trips him up are these loud, intense over-reactions. Again, they are brief but the intensity is what draws the negative attention to himself at school,playground, etc.
So I don't know how to teach someone to "cope." I have told him "When you see Mom or Dad getting stressed out, it's OK for you to say 'Mom, calm down." I want to empower him and show him that other people get upset too and we all have choices of how to handle it. So I am trying to arm him with concepts and words he can pull out of his arsenal when he finds himself in a stressful situation.
I have also told him to do this at school. If a teacher is getting frustrated with you or impatient, and it starts making you feel like you are going to have an outburst, say to her "Miss SoandSo, be patient. Calm down. I need more time." I think if he puts the "calm down" on them, it gives him a couple of minutes to collect himself and figure a way out. I have seen him use this with his little brother (almost 3yrs old). I've overheard him say in a motherly tone "M, these are mine. You have your own. Go get yours." Believe me, this is a big improvement (huge!) over before when his little brother would touch his stuff would result in a big crying meltdown. So I guess these things DO sink in!
Thanks, keep giving me examples of what and how to say things to him. Thanks everyone!
"Anyway I think if you taught him how to deal with unexpected situations or situations where he feels like he is losing control of what is happenening it might make him feel more in control when such a situation does arise so everything won't seem so overwhelming."
I know -- but how do you "teach" this to someone? For example, last night he was brushing his teeth and I was in the bathroom with him picking up some laundry and actually bumped him and caused him to clunk the side of his head on the vanity countertop. Nothing too painful, but a little bit. He immediately tears up, then gets mad with smoke coming out of his ears saying "You'll pay for this" while toothpaste foam is making him look more rabid. My first reaction was to soothe him, apologize and say it was just an accident. But he says "no you did it on purpose." It's just exasperating. Then within one minute it is over with and hugs and kisses and tears gone. He realizes it was just an accident, but either the pain or embarrassment (he gets embarrassed over things like tripping, or making mistakes) makes him go into this intense angry state. Thankfully it is very brief. Maybe they are brief because I stay calm and I also try to use humor when appropriate because he responds to that. He has never had any extended meltdown but the outbursts he has are intense and stressful.
So, the behavior that trips him up are these loud, intense over-reactions. Again, they are brief but the intensity is what draws the negative attention to himself at school,playground, etc.
So I don't know how to teach someone to "cope." I have told him "When you see Mom or Dad getting stressed out, it's OK for you to say 'Mom, calm down." I want to empower him and show him that other people get upset too and we all have choices of how to handle it. So I am trying to arm him with concepts and words he can pull out of his arsenal when he finds himself in a stressful situation.
I have also told him to do this at school. If a teacher is getting frustrated with you or impatient, and it starts making you feel like you are going to have an outburst, say to her "Miss SoandSo, be patient. Calm down. I need more time." I think if he puts the "calm down" on them, it gives him a couple of minutes to collect himself and figure a way out. I have seen him use this with his little brother (almost 3yrs old). I've overheard him say in a motherly tone "M, these are mine. You have your own. Go get yours." Believe me, this is a big improvement (huge!) over before when his little brother would touch his stuff would result in a big crying meltdown. So I guess these things DO sink in!
Thanks, keep giving me examples of what and how to say things to him. Thanks everyone!
To Soccer Freak,
Hi! I'm the writer (MagnusMom) of original post and I was not offended at all by what you said. I think what you said has some validity because other kids are going to say that to him; he needs to be prepared.
I think the key is that I say it with a softer tone --- You can say the baby thing without being too harsh. I remember when I was a child (NT) my brothers called me the "The CryBaby Calf" which was a book at the time. I still remember the sting of those words, but at the same time it helped me not to be a crybaby.
So I hope we don't have a big email fight between you and the other poster. And you're right, you did preface it with "Not to sound like a jerk or anything" and I knew what you meant.
I do agree though that we do have to be careful with being critical and cruel to someone who has enough challenges, so I will be careful with the Crybaby approach because if done the wrong way it can be on the cruel side.
Thanks for your response and don't let it ruin your day!