I have this friend. She's nice enough, she was my first friend when we moved down here. She has a 4YO, like I do... but I've been making excuses for four months now to avoid them playing together (her child is a bully and my daughter is ridiculously sensitive) But all in all, I really can't stand this friend anymore. I'm 26, I've had my fair share of good friends and bad and it has become obvious to me that this friend is a bad friend. She calls me at least twice a week, usually when I'm trying to make dinner (a huge stressful time for me.) and whenever she calls I'm quick to get off the phone. She's always telling me what to do, like she needs to look out for me. And I haven't even told her about my AS! She's rather controlling and just plain nosy and I require a very "hands off" approach to friendship...
That said... usually I have to try way too hard just to keep my friends my friends... so why is this lady still calling me? For the last few months I've been avoiding her to a ridiculous point... but how do you loose a friend? I've never had to try. Like I said, she's nice, and she seems well intentioned and I'm afraid that my wanting to run away flailing my arms yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE!" would probably be very inconsiderate.
Any ideas?
If her child is a bully, chances are you're not the only one who's trying to stay away. That may be why she keeps calling anyhow. Her rolodex may not have too many entries in it.
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. This isn't a NT/AS problem. It's a generic problem. Happens all the time. I've never seen it end in a way that one person didn't get their feelings hurt. AS doesn't even come into it. Though I've seen plenty of times people ask "Do you think I can't handle it?" or "Do you mind?" whenever someone tries to be too controlling. Dunno if you're ready to wait until she does something that is clear enough to say it. If you want her to go away, dunno, it's a tough one. She may already know that her child is a bully or has been told before.
If she is just calling you twice a week, how is that so bad. Plus you tell her you are cooking and can't talk long. Keep telling her not to call you when you are cooking (usually same time everyday?) Just keep telling her you are busy when she wants to get together. She most likely has other friends anyway.
Why do you want to lose her so badly? There could be some reason why you might need her someday especially if you have no friends.
Try to find ways of maintaining the friendship without it getting too close or annoying. Set up play dates at a playground where you can let the kids play together supervised for maybe an hour.
I would suggest telling her that her daughter's bullying is making you uncomfortable and so does ringing around dinner time. If she gets offended, she might stop ringing you but it could also clear the air between the both of you. She probably is a bit lonely and "desperate", too.
If she is just calling you twice a week, how is that so bad. Plus you tell her you are cooking and can't talk long. Keep telling her not to call you when you are cooking (usually same time everyday?) Just keep telling her you are busy when she wants to get together. She most likely has other friends anyway.
Why do you want to lose her so badly? There could be some reason why you might need her someday especially if you have no friends.
Try to find ways of maintaining the friendship without it getting too close or annoying. Set up play dates at a playground where you can let the kids play together supervised for maybe an hour.
This is very good advice. I don't now the person in question - you are the only one who can really judge if this person is worth the effort - but sometimes people (all people, not just aspies) avoid others for the wrong reasons.