Aspies For Freedom

My intermediate family thinks that I'm unable to take care of myself and that I'm lazy. People on the outside generally see me as a very friendly and charming person.

Sometimes I wonder whether we married a time-warped version of the same guy. I am just glad I left when I did  

It seems certain types of people are attracted to Aspies and other "different" people they perceive as "weak", and they build their self esteem on having us around to kick or insult  :evil:

IMHO an abusive partner is far worse than no partner.

How would I know?  I don't talk to enough of them to know, when I do, I don't ask what they think of me, and even if I did, how would I know I was getting an honest response?  I have a recollection of some of things people said about me, but apparently, I never heard or acknowledge them all, as another sibling will testify too.  I get this sense alot in more recent time: "out of the box".  Weird was a term I was familiar with, but I, even today, think of it as different, a state in which all humans belong, otherwise we would all be mindless clones, zombies, lemmings, drones, or bots.

..

"Look at ME!!!!"
I want to throw something at their face everytime.

What do other people think of me?  They think I'm odd, of course.  I have been thought of this way for so long that I don't even know what it would feel like to be thought of as anything else.  It doesn't make me sad or anything, It suits me just fine.  I don't really care about what others think of me - I don't let it change what I want to do, not anymore, but maybe that just comes with getting older.  I am odd in comparison to their ways.

Sure, it bothers me a little when I see people whispering and laughing (could it possibly be about me?) Oh well, it doesn't matter that much to fret over.  I know I hate it even more when people make a big fuss over me in a good way - I just want to crawl away and hide.  

I don't even try to impress the "elite groups" of NT's.  They are so foreign to me in their mannerisms and sometimes cruel ways that I avoid them like the plague.  Instead, I seek out "my own people."  There are  many of us out there, on the outskirts of life, engrossed with our obsessions (whatever they may be) and perfectly happy not to be running with the "herd."  Like me, they don't need to be the center of attention and the most popular of the crowd.  Who cares what others think and why should it play a big part in how we see ourselves anyway?  Just do what makes you happy, it will save you alot of grief in the long run.

Depends on which side of me they see first, school is scared of me, Evans  first LSA quit because of me  :evil:   I put her straight about the way to handle him FOUR times and she still did not get it.

I can be the nicest angel or the meanest *** around.  People can run and hide from me or welcolme me with open arms.  Doesn't bother me anymore.  Upset my kids though and light the blue touch paper and stand well back.

Then again if you dont P**s me off I'll do everything I can for you.  My NT daughter goes to brownies (thats girl scouts for the americans) and the helpers there are always asking me to come and help, do this for them, do that becasue I don't mind and I volunteer.

So really I guess I'm just a typical female  :lol:

I know, this is SSSOOOO true.  There is this helper (Golden Owl I think shes called) at my daughters brownie troop and ever since I helped out with the volcanoes (which I am somewhat of an expert in) she has looked daggers at me and I don't know why??  Guess what??   I don't give a rats ... she doesn't bother me.  Who does bother me though is a woman who has just joined another board I post on and has unprovokedly attacked me because I nicely asked her to STOP SHOUTING on all her posts all the time.  ILL DO WHAT I LIKE WHEN I LIKE.  Bi**h (sorry ranting here a bit) :lol:

All the time.  It seems like my personality is just totally compatible with some people's but I just can't connect with other people's.  I always get the feeling that I've said something totally stupid or doesn't make sense at all.  Usually I end up brooding over it for a long time.

I may be in the minority... but for some odd reason, I think people like me. At least, that's what I've been told.


I've used my eccentricity to make my life one endless joke; sure, a lot of people are probably laughing at me, but plenty of people still like to be around those that make them laugh. For a while, I thought nobody liked me; then, somebody pointed out just how popular I was (this was back in High School). My zany behaviour was being appreciated by people. There was no such appreciation when I was just "weird"; I guess it's okay to be "weird... and funny!"

Sometimes though, I do get a little sick of always being the jester... like recently, I was picked to play Falstaff in a class Shakespeare impromptu performance of "The Merry Wives of Windsor". I gave the role all it was worth, putting on the most ridiculous accent, and making the oddest faces I could. It was pretty degrading (since Falstaff spends most of the play trying to get laid unsuccessfully, and is a fat drunken lecher). I had a suspicion my professor was making fun of me in selecting me for this role (I am, after all, overwieght). So now, I'm not sure whether the class appreciated me for giving a good performance (we were allowed to look off the script, but I was one of the few who memorized most of my lines), or was just taking part in laughing at me for my ridiculous behaviour.

yeah i get that creepy feeling i stuffedup. usually months after at about 2 in the morning, i figure out why :roll: .
when i am miserable i want to change what people think of me RIGHT NOW, because i get frustrated at being so slow in some ways.
when i feel OK i never ever want to change anything because i see the world in a way not many others do. i think of my NT brotheres how they love me.
sometimes getting thru the social day is like dragging yourself thru the desert. you get nothing and you can't see anything different.
then suddenly, someone says they like you the way you are, and you know its because there is noone else like you. Who else but a stubborn aspie could keep going thru all that wind and sand until there is an oasis?
becca

Most negative comments I have heard so far have been said by people at my previous schools. I don't remember much of it, just an overall impression of every year, and a few spread out details. I do remember that during the middle of that time I could get raging mad for the smallest insult, and that lots of people did their best to insult me. People generally thought I was extremely weird. Later on I successivly got more depressed, less social and generally much more hostile towards everyone I didn't know who tried to talk to me.

Things then got better, and I got less hostile. Then came the time in my previous school, where there were endless amounts of false rumors about me being spread around by people from my first school. According to the different rumors, I was, among other things: a genius, a nutcase, a worthless idiot, very weird, and generally doing lots of weird things.

Nearly everyone who heard the rumors believed fully in them. Only the few who knew me a little didn't, and they merely accepted me, with the exception of two friends. I still don't understand how people can be so stupid. I find it depressing at times having to live in this world, purely because of all the stupidity I have to put up with. At times it crushes most of my will to live.

I haven't exactly been talkative during my life so far, so people haven't really known me except for on the surface, with a few exceptions. Currently, people concider me a weird nerd with an even weirder sense of humor, (especially when I annoy them with crappy puns) but generally accept me.

You are brave to out yourself. We need more people like you. I know it gives me courage to hear your story.  I think Nt's don't intellectualize or rationalize as well as we do, they emotionalize first before they reason and that leaves them vulnerable to being ruled by their ignorance.  But they will come around given enough time to process their thoughts. I've done the same thing where I live and at first it felt painfully embarrassing because of NT ignorance but also my own lack of skill in dealing with other people.  I think I was a bit too strident and defensive the last time I spoke publically about my Asperger's.  Well, I will put the lesson learned to good use in the future.

Amanda

And as far as namecalling goes, I've been labelled:

***
frigid
crazy
disorganized
shy
spaz
embarrassing
wierd

and I've experienced "the look" whether it be disapproving, condescending, or just a collective snickering from groups of NTs, that tells me I've MISSED something important...


I have learned to just let it register and not let it get inside me so that it hurts as much as it used to. I no longer panic at such moments, thanks in great part to this forum.

Amanda