Aspies For Freedom

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"Look at ME!!!!"
I want to throw something at their face everytime.

I know, this is SSSOOOO true.  There is this helper (Golden Owl I think shes called) at my daughters brownie troop and ever since I helped out with the volcanoes (which I am somewhat of an expert in) she has looked daggers at me and I don't know why??  Guess what??   I don't give a rats ... she doesn't bother me.  Who does bother me though is a woman who has just joined another board I post on and has unprovokedly attacked me because I nicely asked her to STOP SHOUTING on all her posts all the time.  ILL DO WHAT I LIKE WHEN I LIKE.  Bi**h (sorry ranting here a bit) :lol:

All the time.  It seems like my personality is just totally compatible with some people's but I just can't connect with other people's.  I always get the feeling that I've said something totally stupid or doesn't make sense at all.  Usually I end up brooding over it for a long time.

I may be in the minority... but for some odd reason, I think people like me. At least, that's what I've been told.


I've used my eccentricity to make my life one endless joke; sure, a lot of people are probably laughing at me, but plenty of people still like to be around those that make them laugh. For a while, I thought nobody liked me; then, somebody pointed out just how popular I was (this was back in High School). My zany behaviour was being appreciated by people. There was no such appreciation when I was just "weird"; I guess it's okay to be "weird... and funny!"

Sometimes though, I do get a little sick of always being the jester... like recently, I was picked to play Falstaff in a class Shakespeare impromptu performance of "The Merry Wives of Windsor". I gave the role all it was worth, putting on the most ridiculous accent, and making the oddest faces I could. It was pretty degrading (since Falstaff spends most of the play trying to get laid unsuccessfully, and is a fat drunken lecher). I had a suspicion my professor was making fun of me in selecting me for this role (I am, after all, overwieght). So now, I'm not sure whether the class appreciated me for giving a good performance (we were allowed to look off the script, but I was one of the few who memorized most of my lines), or was just taking part in laughing at me for my ridiculous behaviour.

Most negative comments I have heard so far have been said by people at my previous schools. I don't remember much of it, just an overall impression of every year, and a few spread out details. I do remember that during the middle of that time I could get raging mad for the smallest insult, and that lots of people did their best to insult me. People generally thought I was extremely weird. Later on I successivly got more depressed, less social and generally much more hostile towards everyone I didn't know who tried to talk to me.

Things then got better, and I got less hostile. Then came the time in my previous school, where there were endless amounts of false rumors about me being spread around by people from my first school. According to the different rumors, I was, among other things: a genius, a nutcase, a worthless idiot, very weird, and generally doing lots of weird things.

Nearly everyone who heard the rumors believed fully in them. Only the few who knew me a little didn't, and they merely accepted me, with the exception of two friends. I still don't understand how people can be so stupid. I find it depressing at times having to live in this world, purely because of all the stupidity I have to put up with. At times it crushes most of my will to live.

I haven't exactly been talkative during my life so far, so people haven't really known me except for on the surface, with a few exceptions. Currently, people concider me a weird nerd with an even weirder sense of humor, (especially when I annoy them with crappy puns) but generally accept me.

The same could be said for me.  I've been called numerous things including Mathematical freak.  As I've never found talking to people easy, it's compounded the name calling.  

Recently, I've managed to isolate myself from most of my friends and all my housemates as I don't agree with the way they've been doing things.

By housemates I do mean at Uni yes.

Bad wording by me I think.  I mean how they are going about things is what I don't like.

One is always expressing who is going to vote for at the election in May and why.  It's like he's campaigning for them and wants us all to change our opinion of the party in question and start liking their policies.

This may seem like a small thing to be worried about but when it's all he goes on about and when everyone is entitled to an opinion of their own... My other housemates are doing similar things but I won't go into them here.

Overall, it's a lot of small things that have built up and up into a big thing.

I 'll add to the list

"snob"
"stupid"
"clumsy"
"how can someone so smart be so dumb?"
"YOU HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE"
"I never liked you from the first time I saw you".
"psycho"

many other comments that I took to be compliments but were really sarcastic remarks although I didn't realize it.

I got/still get sometimes:

You're stupid/slow/You're too lazy/ought to make more of an effort.

You should show interest in other people.

You only think about yourself/shouldn't be so selfish.

If you're so intelligent, you should be able to solve all your problems on your own.

Just tell people how you feel (hard as I can't always express emotions verbally or it just comes out wrong)

You're way too sensitive/should grow a thicker skin (how?)

You're immoral

You should care about your younger brothers and sister more

You complain too much/shouldn't show self-pity

You'll never get married

You're getting very hostile (yes, because of the silly comments I'm hearing)

If you keep going on like this, you're going to be a lonely embittered old spinster

You're a geek/dag/social misfit/too fat/too untidy

You don't dress well enough and you should shave your legs and underarms and pluck your eyebrows and wear makeup

You should smile at people and be more friendly

You should pretend to like people you don't like

You always expect others to be perfect/you're too much of a perfectionist.

You should try harder

Adults are always right

Do as you're told and don't argue the point.

You're sneaky



and so the list goes on.

You are brave to out yourself. We need more people like you. I know it gives me courage to hear your story.  I think Nt's don't intellectualize or rationalize as well as we do, they emotionalize first before they reason and that leaves them vulnerable to being ruled by their ignorance.  But they will come around given enough time to process their thoughts. I've done the same thing where I live and at first it felt painfully embarrassing because of NT ignorance but also my own lack of skill in dealing with other people.  I think I was a bit too strident and defensive the last time I spoke publically about my Asperger's.  Well, I will put the lesson learned to good use in the future.

Amanda

And as far as namecalling goes, I've been labelled:

***
frigid
crazy
disorganized
shy
spaz
embarrassing
wierd

and I've experienced "the look" whether it be disapproving, condescending, or just a collective snickering from groups of NTs, that tells me I've MISSED something important...


I have learned to just let it register and not let it get inside me so that it hurts as much as it used to. I no longer panic at such moments, thanks in great part to this forum.

Amanda

I think people consider me shy, a bit weird, intense, eccentric and maybe not too bright (which annoys me no end as I have above average IQ).

I fail to see what is so bad about "walking like a cowboy". I think this teacher is a bit strange.

I care a lot if people I like have a bad opinion of me but don't worry quite so much if it's someone I don't like much.