Aspies For Freedom

What do other people think of you? I have a very mixed image other people get. Here's the most common ones: Strange, dumb, mean (? This one I never get..), immoral, or brat. Occassionally a teacher thinks I'm bright, and people online seem to have a better impression overall.

I don't think I'd change myself much for anyone, I'd learn how to adapt maybe, but overall, I'd rather just be myself.

This is pretty much what I've heard a lot of my life:

"You're way too defensive."
"You talk too much."
"Why don't you stop interrupting?"
"We can't get a word in edge-wise?"
"Do you ever talk about anything else other than <specific topic of my interest>?"
"You're so boring to talk to."
"You're such a drama queen."
"Why are you so sensitive?"
"Why are you so insensitive towards others?"
"You just take everything too seriously, live a little, chill out."
"You read a lot."
"You're full of useless facts."
"Why don't you go out more?"
"Don't you like being with other people?"
"You spend too much time alone, go out and have fun you might like it."
"Stop tapping your feet or pencil."
"You really should stop being a picky eater."
"You're psycho."
"You're insane."
"Why don't you look at me when I'm talking to you?"
"You have all this information stored up in your head, why can't you get a job and put it to practical use? You're not stupid."
"You're stupid."
"You're so embarassing to be near at times."
"You really need to get a sense of humor."
"We know you like to party, so stop being such a loner."
"Freak".
"Geek".
"Nerd".
"Worry-wart".
"Too obsessive."
"Shy".
"You sure have some odd sense of humor."
"What don't you understand about what I said? I was just teasing."
"You can't take a teasing can you?"
"Stop being so paranoid."
"Too obsessive."
"You're so sarcastic."
"Stop being so self-centered, selfish".
"You're cold, you know that?"
"You're so smart, why are you wasting it?"
"You're lazy."
"You're just plain wierd."
"Why can't you let people do things their way, not just your way?"
"Why are you so picky?"
"Boy you have some temper."
"Stop being depressed, it sucks to be around you like that."

I didn't get called an alien, but have been told pretty much everything else you stated for 31 years of my life. And people wonder why I avoid leaving the house and have a hard time dealing with others.

Very different, dreamer! The opposite is true as far as which gender is more accepting to me.

Well, my New Year's resolution was to raise Autism Awareness. So I typed out a page that said
"I have Autism
I am not ***
I don't want a "cure"
I am not defective

http://www.aspiesforfredom.com

(little graphic that says "I am different, Not diseased")"

Now almost everybody except 3 people are avoiding me like the plague. The same freakin' people who spoke to me yesturday won't today! I am sick of this, sick of them! andpeople wonder what made peopel go spcho, sit like this did! waht the f8k do you not get about a dont' have a diesease!!!

School and the street! The joggers who I normally walk by and wave at went *all* the way to the other side of the street to jog!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are the things I have heard all my life.

First, here is my mother talking:

You are worthless!
You are useless!
Nothing good will ever come from you!
You are lazy
You are stupid
Nobody will ever want to marry you
You are ugly
You are too skinny
you are too fat
you walk funny
you should smile more
you need a boyfriend
you're too sensitive
Stop crying, you have no reason, save your tears for something worth crying about
You're a loser
Girls over 12 shouldn't play outside with the boys but stay in the house, helping their mothers (I was her slave)
Girls don't need kites
girls don't have toy cars
only boys own trainsets
If anybody is ever interested in marrying you, I'll tell him what you're really like, and he will lose interest (Well, my husband doesn't speak German, and she didn't speak English, even though sometimes I wished they could have communicated, because I regret having married Ken).

From people other than my mother:

You're weird
you're lazy
that isn't normal, get over it (referring to not liking to be touched)
normal women like sex
you're frigid
you're a bad example for the kids
you ought to get more organized
wipe that scowl off your face, you look much nicer when you smile
stop rocking
stop turning
stop biting your lip
stop humming
stop staring
be more sensitive
you're rude
you're insensitive
you're an embarassment
I can dress you up, but I can't take you out
would you like a bib? (without fail I'll spill some food on myself, I am so clumsy)
Not everybody needs to hear what you're saying (I have a problem with voice modulation, and don't realize it when I start speaking too loud)
You're shouting, I'm not deaf
You aren't listening, you just don't care about me (when what people say arrives as gibberish in my brain, and I ask them to repeat it several times).
you should be able to help me with that math homework (I am incapable of remembering math formulas, or figure out any but the simplest math, probable dyscalculia)
you're so smart, you should be able to handle this
what are you so stressed about? We are just having a relaxing little party
what's the big deal with doing several things at once? Everybody should be able to do that!
stop sitting around, and do something useful while you're thinking (hey, thinking IS useful, and no, I can't do anything else at the same time)
the house is a pigsty, get off your lazy butt and clean it
make sure you don't say anything to offend my mother when we get there!
you're cold
your jokes aren't funny (well, their's surely aren't  :roll: )
you have no self control
your angry outbursts are unacceptable
you're a poor Christian witness to the neighbours
as a Christian you should look joyful all the time, that frown doesn't suit you.
who cares if you are right about the spelling of this word
do you always have to be right?
do you always have to have the last word?
nobody wants to know your facts!
you're out of control
your computer use is excessive
stop communicating with your weird Aspie friends, they aren't good for you
stop researching Aspergers, it would do you more good to read the bible, it will teach you how to be more acceptable
if you would pray harder and believe more, God would 'heal' you


Okay, that list could go on until eternity, but this small sample ought to be enough for you to get the picture, that I am pretty unacceptable to my family, and I am an embarassment to them.

I forgot a few interesting ones about maturity:

You are sooooooooo immature
act your age, not your shoe size
My little child! (said in the most condescending tone imaginable by my husband)
Mom, I think I am more mature than you are
Grow up!
you're old enough to know better
you're so childish!

I agree, Amy. Since those are the things I heard my WHOLE LIFE, I find myself saying to myself often, "How could I be so dumb!" Or "How stupid can I be", or "I should have known better". And many more of the same type of thing.

It is almost impossible to forgive myself for mistakes that others blame me for. And finally having the AS diagnosis has really not changed much at all.

Now, instead of hearing, "you should know better", I hear "AS is no excuse for that kind of behaviour". While, if any of them would care to inform themselves about AS, they would find that AS fully explains why I am that way, and can't help it. But they don't want to know, because they might have to admit that they have been treating me badly for something  that isn't my fault. And they might have to be more understanding, instead of demanding that I should change to be like them.

Being a female, I've always (since I've actually had friends) have had a lot more male friends than female. Most NT females don't have a clue where I am coming from.

And my son (who has AS traits, and definitely ADD ones) has always had twice as many female friends than male ones as well. Mind you, that might be because he grew up with four sisters, and was more comfortable with girls than boys.

I don't know if that is typical, but it's worth thinking about.

Oh, right, that reminds me, I forgot:

You're mentally ill
you need psychiatric help
you must be demon possessed!

All of the above from my dear, loving husband of 25 years. And he actually wonders why I don't like having him around!  :roll:

I'm not insulted as often as my gum boycott is/was.

"Want some gum?"
"Gum is yum."
"Gummy, gummy gum."
"Gum is a man's best friend."
"Gum is good." (Followed up by my comeback "Ferrets are good ------- Gum is not")
"That is so not true." (A response to Smarty The Ferret's "Friends don't let friends chew gum in public.")
"Everybody loves gum."
"I was sittin' on a park bench, chewin' my bubble gum..."

People usually don't insult me, but if they did, I think it would look pretty much like the insults written inside bathroom stalls.

:!: Mich :?:

from comments they've made, people see me as eccentric, mad, unconventional, outlandish, brilliant, hilarious (in a good way), sexy (!), intense, talented and "different".  i'm glad, as i like this image.  someone i met recently said: "While some people are a short song played on a one-string shoebox violin, you are a fully orchestrated son et lumiere show with a cast of thousands."

i think that's good, isn't it?  in small doses...

p.s. my self confidence is so low that i'm really pleased i can post these things - hope it doesn't sound arrogant or boastful.  i'm also scary, apparently, so perhaps that's why i don't hear the negative stuff (i can give you a HUGE list of negatives, but mostly, they come from me).  seems like i'm more like Granny Weatherwax than i thought...

you don't scare me morgvis....    hahahaha!

people usually view me as stubborn, principled, amusing/irritating, honest, slightly intimidating, difficult, logical. some people like me for these things. I don't really care much if people don't though, I yam what I yam. ag ag ag  

dunc

hmmm... perhaps i shall have to try harder.  

Well if you're fortunate enough to have close friends you can afford not to care what other people think...