Aspies For Freedom

"You're ***"
"Why do you speak like that?"
"You speak funny"
"You're insane"
"Someone should lock you up in a mental institution"
"You take everything too seriously"
"Stop being melodramatic"
"Who cares?" (After I say just about anything   )
"You don't have a boyfriend/you don't want to get married, I hope you're not gay" (Usually my mom says this)
"Why don't you like dressing up, are you gay?" (My mother again  :roll: )
"It's your fault for not having friends."
"All your problems are your fault"
"You're being too sensitive"
"You're selfish" (Only my mom... everyone else seems to think I'm REALLY nice)
"Does your mother force you to read books?"
"You read too much"
"You know too many useless facts"
"Wow! You can really read that quickly?"
"You express yourself better with writing than speaking" (Only my aunt said this and I love that comment so much)
"I heard that she has cancer/is premature/(enter some crappy disability/disease here)/
"You're so serious"
"You act like a robot, no emotion"
"Why are you always so worried?"
"You're boring" (Nobody says this but I always get this impression from everyone)
"You use the computer too much"
"Don't lock the door! I don't want you doing anything crazy in there" (My mom thinks that I'm doing something suspicious, really I'm not. She can search my whole damn room for proof if she really wants to know so badly)
"You embarrase me in front of my friends" (My sister doesn't directly say this but I get the message)
"You're weird"
"You're unusually nice." (I don't do anything! I don't know why people say this...)
"You're so quiet"
"She's so smart"
"You take everything literally!"
"You don't care about anything" (I actually care about a lot of stuff, just not the same things as NTs)
"Why are you speaking so loud?"
"You think too much"
"Why can't you act normal?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"What the hell is your problem?"
"Insane ***!"
"You don't care about your appearance at all!"
"Why don't you cry about something that's worth crying about?"
"Your problems aren't real problems."
"Shut up! Nobody cares about what you have to say!"
"You're too shy"
"You should talk with your family more"
"It offends people when you don't go out of your way to talk to them."
"Don't make fun of her, she might kick your *** or kill you!"

There is more but that's all I can think of. 90% of the people I know ignore me and 4% of them are either mean, shallow or annoying. I think I only enjoy about 1% (or even less) of society in general.

Here is what I believe many normal type people percieve me as off line.

-an idiot
-Agnry at all liveing things (not that me being stocked or harassed over the phone is considered my reason for being upset. Naw! They always think it's all about them, them, them. Always THEM!)
-ugly (usualy from some children)
-Hermit
-Desperate for acceptance  
-lazy (regardless of my best efforts)
-in need of mental help
-out of control (that ticks me off very much right there)
-mentaly slow (just because I don't make friends in five seconds)
-anti social
-shy and silent (because I'm such an aspie girl)

Honestly I do get very angry, upset, and loose a little control when people push me way too far on purpose. My father is one person who did verbaly push me beyond the breaking point a few times. Then he blamed me for scratching my own face, beating myself to feel better, or breaking something, even if I broke it by accident. I am somwhat of a hermit because I have been verbaly attacked for so much of my life.

I have been complimented a few times online, and it felt good because people just don't ever compliment me elsewhere.

That's mean of them. Some girls do play with toys cars. Me and my NT sister played with toy cars and transformers. We used to be Transformer fans, as much as we were little fans of My Little Ponies, Barbie, Gi Joe, etc.. Gender for toys were of little concern to my family. To them a toy was just a toy, and I agree with that.

I use to let people think what they liked; if I disagreed with them I just kept quiet and thought 'there's no point in arguing'. More recently I've tried to stand up for what I believe...but it's diffcult. Often I'll put things the cross the wrong way; or end up annoying people. I think the trick is to know what things are worth fighting for and what things are petty and unimportant. It's not worth a relationship braking down because of something trivial.

What do other people think of you?
I'm not sure I want think about that one...lol
People rarely see a person inexactly the same way; and sometimes we can have very contradictory feelings toward someone.

Some see me as a loyal and devoted friend; to others I'm an idiot...or clever; or a two-faced back stabber.

In the end it's not worth worrying about what others think. Just do what you feel is right and hope others will see that's what you're trying to do.

It’s difficult sometimes. Do you place loyalty to an individual above fairness? Should you side with a friend simply because they’re your friend…irrespective of the rights and wrongs of a particular situation? In the past I would have said no; but now I’m not so sure.

Perhaps loyalty should come first...as it’s not always easy to determine what’s fair. Under such circumstances we must fall back on what we know about a person and their character in order to make a decision; otherwise we can spend a huge amount of time untangling a mess of arguments and counter arguments. I suppose that’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past. I’ve got bogged down in detail and not considered the personalities involved.

I do think however that it’s possible for friends to disagree without the friendship falling apart completely…if it’s a strong friendship.

That's why you have to be so careful who you give your loyalty too I suppose. Once it's given there's no going back...or at least there shouldn't be.

I’ve learnt that to my cost…
Fairness is (as you say) often a matter of opinion; disloyalty is wrong regardless of which way you look at it. In a war both sides use information provided by a traitor; but in the end he’s hated just as much by those he spies for as those he spies against.  

This is getting rather personal…
As I recall, it took only the smallest disagreement for me to be branded a traitor; and it was the subsequent alienation and loss of faith that ultimately led to my ‘betrayal’…as you call it.
I don’t think there’s likely to be any ‘moving on’…not now or in the future.
People can think what they like about me; I don’t expect them to make things easier; I’m sure they won’t.

Yeah whatever...the type of mood I'm in it's probably better that I don't respond to this.

Oh what the hell…
It was…what could have been…a very small disagreement concerning another member which led to me not being trusted; to me being held at arms length; and for people (including you) to start treating me with distain. It was this treatment that eventually led to me ‘turning to the dark side‘ (so to speak). If I’d been trusted in the beginning; if it hadn’t been assumed I was up to no good from the start. If the constant paranoia and hatred hadn’t been there things could have turned out very differently. All I did was to be what you would have me be.
And so (perhaps out of bitterness) I started playing the role you assumed I was already playing; you got what you wanted; and so you can sit looking down on me from the moral high-ground with a smug smile on your faces.
Move on or don’t move on…it’s it no longer makes any difference to me; I'm just sick of all the sniping (including my own).

^ Apologies for my last post; I think perhaps I wasn't in the right state of mind to take criticism...and so should have kept my mouth shut.

As you well know I was friends with you, Lucie and the others when it all kicked off; so my loyalties were always going to be divided. And (for me) the evidence of Lucie’s wrong doing wasn’t in any way sufficient. My mistake was getting involved at all; as soon as I did I was bound to upset someone--I just didn’t expect it to be everyone.
I would say however that it took a lot less for you and your cohorts to take against me then it did for Lucie. From the moment I defended her position I was given the cold shoulder; but it took her a lot longer to turn against me; not until the end in fact--when things got nasty. Maybe that’s why I didn’t end up choosing a side.  

Sorry Bridie…this must be a little annoying for you.
Believe it or not Pakrat and I are old friends; and regardless of what she thinks of me I still have a tremendous amount of respect for her. I think it's because we were so friendly that we both feel hurt and are so touchy concerning these matters.
You didn’t make an arse of yourself in your OP by the way.

^ Sorry...just read that back.
There's some bad spelling/grammar miskates. Hope it still makes sense.

It's ok...you weren't interfering; and thank you for your concern.
It's just that I know from personal experience that in you try to mediate another person's dispute on the internet you can often get caught in the crossfire--and I wouldn't want that.

I didn’t like the PM Lucie sent to you; and I won’t make any excuses for the content; but I did think at the time that she must have felt very badgered; after all pretty much the whole site had turned against her; and people were saying some pretty nasty stuff.
Concerning the phone call WFM received (which I do think was well out of order). All I saw there was Lucie passing on her mistaken belief about WFM to another member. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I never agreed with her beliefs. And it was as much LogicalConclusion’s fault for believing her; he made the phone call so has to take at least part of the responsibility.  

I did cut contact with Lucie on a number of occasions; and had every intention of it being a permanent state of affairs. But it’s true that for whatever reason in one way or another we did get back in contact.

It’s true I was willing to forgive her; and was willing to think the best. Put the things that happened down to a simple lapse in judgement rather than malevolent intent. And of course it was reciplical. I made some pretty pointed comments against her and poked fun; stepped over the line; and she always forgave me. It’s hard to not forgive someone who’s willing to forgive you.

I think perhaps we’ve both taken a lot of stuff personally. I was upset by the ’wussy’ comment and a few other things. But I would have done anything to mend the fences with you in particular (and the others). It just seemed to get harder and harder. I felt very defensive as if I was under attack and started lashing out; and I said some stuff I’m not proud of.  

When I appeared to have lost you as a friend; when I’d gotten into arguments with Max etc. Upset Korrigan (somehow). Been banned from the Spectrumites forum; and had received a PM from Rossco telling me that…“we think you are scum”. I changed my profile to ‘Away’ and put the reason as ‘Shame Guilt & feelings of self-loathing’. And then when I was told that a copy of my profile had appeared in Tigger’s photobucket account…I saw red. Over the next week or so I noticed that some nasty duck-related pics had appeared where there had been none before. After what I’d been told and since I was no longer in communication with anyone it was only natural for me to assume they were about me (however it’s possible I may have been mistaken).
And for the record…it wasn’t Lucie who told me about the photobucket account; it was someone else. In retrospect however it would have been better not to have known; it only caused more trouble and gave me another reason to get upset.

I’m glad you were able to get these things off your chest…
I realise I’ve hurt you; destroyed a lot of the faith you once had in me. And I’m very sorry for that; as I am for everything that’s happened.
This is the last time I want to discuss Lucie and these events; it’s painful for everyone; and for me what started on the internet has spilled over into the rest of my life; and has affected things in ways you’re not even aware of. I’m sorry but I have to put these events behind me; if only for the sake of my sanity. I hope you can too (in time).