Why would you get a new attorney? He works for you. Tell him what you want and ask him how you get it. No doubt he has some experience and will give you good advice on what the judge will likely rule. You could work on getting your doctor to provide information to your lawyer that Asperger's does not prevent people from being good parents. Make your lawyer work for his fees.
Are you looking for joint custody or just visitations rights or full custody?
Is there any evidence that you have been a poor parent (abusive, neglectful, addiction problems) in the past? Are there financial reasons or other reasons why you would not be considered for custody? --inadequate income to support a home for your children, live too far away from the children to attend same school for joint custody, you travel often for work?
If your answer is that you do not have employment or a place large enough for your children to stay with you, you will have to show that you are going to fix those problems in the future and get another hearing in the future to apply for custody again. In the meanwhile, you would still like visitation while you pay support or whatever the judge rules.
You should try to have the best interests of your children in mind nor getting revenge on your wife.
That you have AS seem to be a quite bad argument. AS means alot of things and there's alot of myths regarding it, they can't judge you because of something they apparently don't know much about.
One of the first sites at the stickified thread in the news and media forum "Rotten autism sites" seem to support that idea.
Actually there is a Canadian Family Law Expert that has put an article out that sheds a rather poor image of those parents with Asperger's, her name is Shiela Linehan Jennings.
There is a link to several articles she has written. Between her and Judy Singer of ASpar (really nasty website against Aspies as parents) both are not very helpful to those especially NTs that find that website and want to get custody away from Aspies as they make us look really horrible.
http://www.familymatters associates.ca/links.htm (put space in it to not increase their traffic purposely)
Would it matter that two of the kids are diagnosed with Asperger's? If anything that means that I have a far easier time understanding them than would their mother. Asperger's isn't a "mental health" issue, although her depression and bipolar conditions are.
Can you get help from the doctor who diagnosed the kids?
The mother has depression and bipolar -- if they are not under control, she could very well need help parenting. Has she been hospitalized or does she take effective medication for these conditions. All this has to be considered by the judge.
You should push for joint custody if possible. What is important is that you show that you are really trying to do what is best for your children.
What about your family: parents, siblings? Will they help you to care for your children? Would showing you have an effective support system be in your favour?
Unless you get a good lawyer that is knowledgeable about Asperger's Syndrome and the autism spectrum and the challenges that are faced by the autistic/aspie parent and such, the court will definitely look at whether the situation with the parent can be 'improved' by medications/therapy, etc like M said. Anyone that looks up 'custody' and 'Asperger's Syndrome', amongst the top entries will be greeted by links to ASpar and articles by the lady I mentionned in regards to her articles. It's not a very reassuring thought that stuff like that is easily at the finger tip and can be used against us as parents on the spectrum.
I can't remember where I read it, but there was a serious discussion recently whether Aspergers parents should even be allowed to keep their kids and whether it wouldn't be "better to give them to social services" [sic]
Obviously I totally oppose that idea, but in a custody case everything is VERY heavily weighed against the Aspergers parent.
Oh, chilling idea. My daughter is at least as Aspie as I am, I think her life would be hell if she'd been given to an NT family! Not only that, some of us Aspies are excellent with children (I am, for sure, the kids at my day care mostly all like me. It seems they only get judgemental after they get older than about 5/6.) And since the Autie gene runs in families, think of all those poor AS kids who'd be separated from the only people who understood them properly.
Alison
Your lawyer must do what you tell him or her. The lawyer is not allowed to make any decisions on your behalf unless you give them power of attorney which you should never do. Just tell your lawyer what you want. BTW, if you don't try, you definitely won't get custody.
Tell your attorney that you wish to try for joint custody at least. This is generally the best arrangement as it allows the children to maintain a relationship with both parents.
Have a doctor or psychologist prepare a statement evaluating your mental competency and your specific ability to parent. Keep the statement and only use it if needed later. Talk to your attorney for further advice on this matter.
Then he is incompetent and you need to find a new attorney.
DogBrain - is your attorney part of a law firm or is he independent? If he's part of a law firm then try asking a senior partner to refer you to a different attorney within the same firm. If he's independent then try your local bar association (I'm presuming you're in the US). If your attorney considers you mentally ill due to AS he is not competent to represent you when this is the main thing that you will have to fight in court.
You don't, you put in a formal complaint as your attorney is incompetent to represent you. You have right now the equivalent of a criminal defense attorney who believes you're guilty.
If your wife has bipolar, then your lawyer must think she is insane too. So who does he think is a better parent? Anyway, that is up to the judge to decide.
Since it does not look like you are going to be able to get a new lawyer, try to use him the best you can. What is the best he can do for you? Ask him if he can get you join custody or sole custody. What do you want?
I have PM'd you. If you need more just let me know. Mom
P.S. Yes, the children being AS might be taken into consideration also the mother's Bipolar. I consider Bipolar to be a serious mental health issue because it is difficult to control with patients frequently taking themselves off meds. I would order psychologicals all around. Children's age, and possibly sex will also be a large factor. Not uncommon to have children as to switch their primary custodian when they hit their teens either. Mom