My to-be-ex-wife has either told my children or said within earshot that, since I have "a disorder" (Asperger's), I cannot be trusted with my children. She has, no doubt, broached this to her attorney.
My OWN ATTORNEY has stated that my Asperger's will be a problem and that I should not request custody because Asperger's will be used to show that I have an unsuitable "state of mind".
Where can I go to get help with this?
I cannot afford a new attorney.
This is my biggest fear as an ASD mom. With all the anti-ASD parent stuff out there right now, what can we do to negate that? I'm certainly not a perfect parent, but there are a whole heck of a lot of parents out there that are way worse than me! And they're NTs! How to you avoid this situation?
I know that's not helpful, there has to be some sort of autistic advocate that could ACTUALLY help you and help you have some sort of custody of your kids.
I do also know that, as a father, you automatically have less rights to your kids, at least in the US. I have a step-nephew who's caring daddy has to do whatever his crazy mom wants... for instance he's now seven and wants to have a one-week on, one-week off situation, but because that would mean less money in for her, she's refused it.
So perhaps you need a hybrid attorney... if such a thing exsists.
No doubt your wife talking this way in front of your kids is damaging to their relationship with you.
I am genuinely sad that this is happening to you and wish I could help more.
they can NOT reject custody for aspegrers syndrome, becuase it is not a disorder its a SYNDROME.
it doe snot effect you phsyically, and it actually gives you much more reational judgment than a normal person. it doenst effect your judgment negativly it enhances your judgment.
a GOOD attourney would point out every single good fact about aspegrers they could find, you should get a phsyocologist who is anti-cure and pro-fair-treatment to testify on your behalf.
not only can you prove your aspergers would not effect your parenting negatively, you can prove that it makes you a better parent if you argue it right.
my mom is a legally baorderline McDD-insane alchoholic, and she got custody of her kids, if SHE can ANYONE can. its all about how you play your cards.
Seven has a good point. Since the cause of Asperger's is unknown and it does not affect people physically, it could be argued that it is nothing more than a PERSONALITY TYPE.
It is often difficult for men to get custody of their children because for some reason judges lean towards wanting kids to go with their moms. Perhaps you should get someone to help you show a lot of emotion; read up on body language and the like. Put on a BIG SHOW! If you SHOW the judge that you love your children very much and can be a very 'normal' person and people can relate to you, he will be more likely to ignore the Asperger's.
I can't remember where I read it, but there was a serious discussion recently whether Aspergers parents should even be allowed to keep their kids and whether it wouldn't be "better to give them to social services" [sic]
Obviously I totally oppose that idea, but in a custody case everything is VERY heavily weighed against the Aspergers parent.
Would it matter that two of the kids are diagnosed with Asperger's? If anything that means that I have a far easier time understanding them than would their mother. Asperger's isn't a "mental health" issue, although her depression and bipolar conditions are.
Would it matter that two of the kids are diagnosed with Asperger's? If anything that means that I have a far easier time understanding them than would their mother. Asperger's isn't a "mental health" issue, although her depression and bipolar conditions are.
If anything I think that her being Bipolar would definately tip the scale a lot further than you having Aspergers. The general uneducated public usually seems to look at Bipolar as being essentially insanity. You ask your average uneducated NT what they think when they hear Bipolar, they're most likely going to say psychotic. Yet when you ask your average uneducated NT what they think when they hear Aspergers, most of the time they'll just say "*** burgers?". Despite the legal system being pretty much screwed, I think the jury will lean more to your side considering the circumstances.
My attorney thinks that I am mentally ill--specifically because of Asperger's.
Then he is incompetent and you need to find a new attorney.
As I stated in the FIRST MESSAGE on this thread, I cannot afford to get a new attorney. I do not have money for a new retainer.
Is your attorney willing to learn a little bit about Asperger's? He'd be the worst lawyer in the world if he wasn't; it's obviously pivotal to your case.
Maybe someone here can recommend some brief, simple, illuminating articles that would help him understand exactly what Asperger's Syndrome is, and what it is NOT (with relevance to child custody)...
Oh, chilling idea. My daughter is at least as Aspie as I am, I think her life would be hell if she'd been given to an NT family! Not only that, some of us Aspies are excellent with children (I am, for sure, the kids at my day care mostly all like me. It seems they only get judgemental after they get older than about 5/6.) And since the Autie gene runs in families, think of all those poor AS kids who'd be separated from the only people who understood them properly.
Alison
I absolutely agree. I was surrounded by enough NT people, while I was growing up. I really could have stood knowing more Aspies! I can't tell you what wonderful therapy it is for me to spend time with my heavily AS/HFA aunt!
DogBrain - is your attorney part of a law firm or is he independent? If he's part of a law firm then try asking a senior partner to refer you to a different attorney within the same firm. If he's independent then try your local bar association (I'm presuming you're in the US). If your attorney considers you mentally ill due to AS he is not competent to represent you when this is the main thing that you will have to fight in court.
Okay, where do I get money for a new retainer?
You don't, you put in a formal complaint as your attorney is incompetent to represent you. You have right now the equivalent of a criminal defense attorney who believes you're guilty.
I have NOBODY I can complain to, except for the local Bar association, and all they will do is file the complaint. I will STILL have to come up with OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS if I want to hire a new attorney.
My attorney is in solo practice.
I'm sure AS isn't the real reason she doesn't want you to have custody. She's just using it to sway the judge.
Unfortunately, it often works to play upon the prejudices of a judge. "She's a ***" "He's gay" -- all the biases come out in custody battles. Even when there are good, rational reasons for a parent to be denied custody, spouses play the prejudice card.
I am worried about this same thing. I am currently undiagnosed AS with a 15 year old son who is recently diagnosed AS. I went to court for a support hearing and by the time the judge had berated and my ex had shown his *** side, I had an emotional outburst and my ex ended up with custody. I am under care to have the AS diagnosed, however, I'm afraid that when the diagnosis does come down and we use it to explain the outburst and why the judge is prejudiced against my son and I because of the disability, I will never see my son again. I'm terrified that my ex, who already claims that I got the Asperger's diagnosed because I have Munchausen's by proxy, will use it to try and prove that I'm not the best parent. I'm on the same boat as Dogbrain, wouldn't I be more fit because I get it? Get this, just an extra monkey wrench, in Indiana, there are no clear guidelines as to when a child is old enough to make decisions about who the want to live with, etc., so no one will listen that my son wants to be home with me and my husband. My problem also is that I have a much bigger issue wrapped up in all of this stuff and I can't afford the lawyer. He's currently threatening to withdraw because I can't afford to keep him up to date and keep $1000 retainer. Ugh! I am in your boat and I get it! I empathize and sympathize.