Recently moved from one state to another, currently living in northern maine, and attending some small hick high school. For the second time in my 8 months there a young man has taken it upon himself to hug me. I don't understand this need, I can't tell if they're doing it to annoy me, or if its some other reason unknown to me, but I percieve it to be a total lack of respect. I can't stand how rude they are to me. I have nothing but respect for them, so why must they violate my personal space. I've told them to not touch me, and they just reply "But I feel bad for you" (this was told to me while I was trying tos leep in study hall when I was hugged.) Sometimes I think I make a big deal out of this, but I absolutely hate it. Don't know if you folks feel the same about this, but I need to know how to make it stop. I've tried talking to my councillor asking her to remove me from the class, but she refuses to. They don't seem to want to stop at my behest. ...do I just flee? Or do I have to actually physically hurt these people. (I'm not one for violence.)
Recently moved from one state to another, currently living in northern maine, and attending some small hick high school. For the second time in my 8 months there a young man has taken it upon himself to hug me. I don't understand this need, I can't tell if they're doing it to annoy me, or if its some other reason unknown to me, but I percieve it to be a total lack of respect. I can't stand how rude they are to me. I have nothing but respect for them, so why must they violate my personal space. I've told them to not touch me, and they just reply "But I feel bad for you" (this was told to me while I was trying tos leep in study hall when I was hugged.) Sometimes I think I make a big deal out of this, but I absolutely hate it. Don't know if you folks feel the same about this, but I need to know how to make it stop. I've tried talking to my councillor asking her to remove me from the class, but she refuses to. They don't seem to want to stop at my behest. ...do I just flee? Or do I have to actually physically hurt these people. (I'm not one for violence.)
They probably just like you, sometimes people think they can bring you out of yourself by playing on the things you say you don't like, particularly if the concept is alien to them. You could threaten them with harrassment charges. You don't have to be violent just learn some evasive manoevres. I hate close contact from strangers too and have been known to actually run away (this actually makes it worse). Of course if you can learn to tolerate it they might stop because they won't get the same reaction.
*sigh* okay thanks Ren Chou. I suppose I kind of wanted someone to validate my violent urges. And yet I still don't think I could hurt someone...must join army! Boy that'd be a disaster. I'd probably be the guy that died in basic
I've tried talking to my councillor asking her to remove me from the class, but she refuses to. They don't seem to want to stop at my behest. ...do I just flee? Or do I have to actually physically hurt these people. (I'm not one for violence.)
Your profile does not give your location, BUT, if you are in the USA, tell them you see this as sexual harrasement and then just SEE how fast they switch you out to another class. (it will be FAST - same day most likely) At least that's what the law says they need to do. That's how it works here at my job (seen it done by folks even for cases where it was *clearly* a false accusation)
Maine is a pretty Mormon state, Christians like that are known for showing a lot of compassion for things that don't need it, like feeling sorry for those who don't accept Jesus as their savior (like me). In this case, if this person knows that you have AS they might feel sorry for you since their religion makes them think they're the superior race.
It sounds like either they're pretending to be nice and hugging you because they know it bothers you and they think it's funny, or as Ren Chou suggested, they think they can bring you out of yourself by playing on the things you say you don't like. Either way it's unacceptable behaviour.
I can understand why your counsellor refused to move you. Moving kids around from one class to another takes a lot of work, it causes imbalances between the classes, and as far as he/she is concerned, your reason is petty because he/she does not understand where you're coming from.
You would be right to threaten legal action, but I would suggest trying something else first. Go back to your counsellor and explain that they are harassing you and that you have asked them not to touch you. Ask the counsellor to speak to those who are doing it.
If the counsellor refuses, OR if the counsellor does talk to them but it doesn't help, THEN go to the PRINCIPAL and explain your situation. In your conversation with the principal, use the word harassment and explain that you don't want to have to involve lawyers. "They are invading my personal space, touching me, and they refuse to stop. It is harassment and I don't want to have to involve a lawyer. Please tell the counsellor to move me."
I GUARANTEE that, one way or another, you will not be touched anymore.
I detest people except close family or husband hugging or touching me. Probably why I avoid going to the doctor unless I am dying. I refuse to cut my hair now.
Could be worse. Half the time I don't like my wife touching me. Does NOT make for a smooth marriage. Didn't use to be a problem with past "romantic" relationships. Dunno why it is now with my my current one.
I'm the same way with doctors and haircuts, by the way.
I listed in the Social Avoidance thread my 10 methods of evading hugs.
I listed in the Social Avoidance thread my 10 methods of evading hugs.
i've used the hold something in front barrier method quite alot. Most people know that I don't do hugs, my mum now lets people know if they are meeting me for the first time not to be offended. Wish I'd known some of them, will be using them in future, so the below doesn't happen...
I went out to a meal with my boyfriends family before christmas, and his sister invited someone I hadn't met before, and he decided that he wanted to hug and kiss everyone goodbye despite the company he was with not being that way. I wasn't expecting it at all and when he made a beeline for me, I kind of ran away, and hid behind my boyfriend. I felt quite childish about it (considering I'm 32 this year) but I couldn't tolerate it and I had this huge revulsion come over me.
There was also a Team building activity where this group hug crap had to occur and I just said that I refused and no one was to touch me let alone hug me. The facilitator got all stroppy so I pulled myself up and decided that the best defence was offence as they say and then found myself lecturing to a group of 20 about AS and why I don't like being touched.
Oh how I despise things of that sort. I typically come down with some sort of feigned ilness on the day of such an event.
I hate it when random people touch me. I don't mind people that I know and am close too but strangers just make me want to scream.
People that force hugs upon others that obviously don't want one are doing it out of their own need, not some misguided altruistic reason. I think that the way I am sometimes makes people uncomfortable, and physically imposing themselves on me is a way they try to make themselves feel better, not me. They are usually rewarded for their efforts with an elbow to the ribs.
I'm generally indifferent (per se) to specific touch below the neck once one is in my personal space. I can get really freaky about personal space--a real challenge upon moving to the city. I learned to deal with the friendly hug thing ( but...~whines~ WHY?) but I just do not get this fashionable kiss thing. I am so horribly touchy about my face. My partner can tell if I'm holding a grudge just by trying to touch my head (no wincing when things are fine). A lot of my partner's friends are artsy, theater people who DO this kissy thingy ALL THE TIME. Besides, just hating it, I can't write a program to DO it. Wrong timing, wrong noises, bumped noses...one time my specs caught up in another lady's hair...it was hilarious (of course my dissolving into uncontrollable laughter didn't help).
I too dislike people invading my personal space. My method is to look them in the eye and say, "You are invading my personal space. Please step back and never do it again." If they won't move, I then say, "Step back now or I'll scream." If they still don't move, I scream as loud as I can. That always works, and they never do it again after that.
I hate invasions of my personal space. It makes me nervous and jumpy when people touch me without my permission or get to close. Since most of the people who do this are family members, I don't really make my boundaries clear, but it must be pretty obvious that I don't like it since my mother will always say things like "Isn't she such a teenager?" which really make me want to scream.