Aspies For Freedom

I found this list of amusing and clever insults in another forum. Some of them made me laugh so much I decided to post them here. Many of them are attributed to Winston Churchill. I wish I could come up with these insults but I can't think and talk at the same time.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know."
- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it."
- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a
friend... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one."
- Winston Churchill, in reply

A woman sitting next to Churchill at a dinner party, at which the Great Man had imbibed his usual excessive quantity of booze:

"Sir, you are drunk."

To which he replied: "And Madam, you are ugly. But in the morning I will be sober."

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

Good stuff!!!

"You are worth as much as a rotten mushroom."
-- Plautus.

"You may think that you know your wife, but I know her better."
-- extract from a Priapus statue poem.

"I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me"
"God keep your ladyship still in that mind, so that some gentleman or other should escape a predestinate scratched face."
"Scratching would not make it any worse an 'twere such a face as yours were."
-- Much Ado About Nothing. (Shakespeare)

Or: "If I had a dollar for every time I've admired you, my cupboard would still be bare."

I love the Churchill and Mark Twain -- so brilliant and quick with words.

A favorite of mine is Dorothy Parker.

No one ever got the best of Mrs. parker -- aclaimed poet and wit of the 1930s.

Dorothy Parker and Claire Booth Luce once arrived at the doors of the Algonquin Hotel at the same time.

"Age before beauty," Luce said, holding the door open for Parker.

"Pearls before swine," Parker replied, sailing past her.