As for people not being interested.. many of long term marriages at our age talk about the same challenge.. so its not me. <G> We, MOST< NT and Aspie long term marriages get tired of the same arrogance we encounter.. NOT only me..
IN fact when I was in Wales.. I was enjoying wonderful dinners and chat with many people at a hotel. We all stayed a week at the same time and dined together.. They were british and I was American... Then a young Brit comes along.. his wife kicked him out.. .started to tell us all bout his problems in the marriage blaming the wife and the likes.. We older folks looked at each other with that "Here we go again" We are suppose to listen and agree LOL..
The young man went on and on and on.. we sat there ,dropped a hint of we understand , too bad... then when he was losing an audience.. he brings out his lap top with allhis other gadgets adn starts playing music so loud we could not converse... after he left, he was the topic of our conversations.. The same you read in what you referred to as Rants. Somehow we are suppose to have the patience to listen to one failed marriage after another.. young marriages who are having challenges and want no advice, just a wall to listen, and if we respond, it ranting. We heard this before too..
ONe thing people who have had successful marriages get tired of , is all this questions about a good marriage, yet when we give advice... it becomes rants.. Those people encountered the same thing and they were NTs..
IF you don't like what we say.. so be it... But heavens, don't tell people Long term marriages are all too often unhappy... or all the problems and blaming NTs , Men or women, or challenging others marriages who are long term.. you will get our YEARS , DECADES of experience you refer to as ranting...
We have years on you and multitudes of experience... but it is obvious people don't want information, they want to whine.
You did bash long term marriages and you seem to make lite of our being two angels... I think a rant you made was long before mine and the attacks..
I am stating what I have seen in life.... If you qualify my long term marriage as two perfect angels when long term means nothing... Guess what? You just thumbed your nose with almost every long term marriage there is.. either they are miserable in your eyes or their are pefect two little angels.. which is a derogatory reply..
As I said there is a chip on your shoulder.. if you want to dish it out be prepared for a reply. That is not ranting.. my advice on marriages is from my own and those I have know for decades.. You obviously see any advice as ranting... You initiate a discussion and if it does not agree iwth you its ranting..
That says it all in my book.
Happy length proves everything... look to quality and quantity.. if you diss someone who is trying to give advice because of others failed long term marriages then you are throwing away teh baby with the bath water.. you will learn nothing... I have run across people who have attacked our marriage as have my husband and we often chuckle and sigh about their problems.. Our marriage is often an affront by its existance to many people.. they want to see failed marriages because of course they don't reallly exist in their minds.... its all long term horrible marriages...
Not in this family. .My brother is the only one with failed marriages and we can look to him for the problem.. my father even stated so andhe is right... same with my nephew...
I am not the one stating Aspies cannot marry other aspies but I am defending that Apsies can have long term HAPPY marriages with NT and that seems to be a spur in the bohinee of a lot of folks.. that is your problem not mine...
Sorry for you to put down our marriage... that is your challange... I have seen folks like you and most ended up in divorce... it was their way or no way.... that tells me of insecurity at the very beginning.... You don't want me to discuss your marriage yet you put down ours as "perfect angels"
that tells me a lot.. that you are not prepared for a long term marriage..
Next to raising a child.. marriage is the second most difficult relationship... it a matter of continuous communication, adjustments.. continued love and shared interests and giving of space.. its a balance. .not perfect angels.... it constantly grows with pain, love, joy and hopefully teh scars will help to bulid up the marriage and not destroy it... There is no perfect formula... Marrying an aspie is no guarantee of a great marriage.
Marrying an NT is no guarante.. the responsibility lies in the two of you... and that is too hard for many to handle...
it boils down to you two alone..
and yes, you are young and very naive. That does not mean you marriage will not last, but I already see cracks from your tone alone. Lets hope those cracks will be filed and filled in for your sake... and the sake of your husband and future children.
First I say.. take the chip off your shoulder. that s a first sign. the rest is up to you.. attacking long term happy marriages will not make your marriage stronger.[/color]
Okay, I'm having trouble determining whether all this is directed at me or whether some is just a general rant having nothing to do with what I said. I didn't bash your marriage, but gee thanks for bashing mine. How much evidence do you have that I'm very naive? What are you referring to when you said you already see cracks in my marriage by my tone alone?
I said that NT/AS marriages might work, but that I'm not in the position to be able to say... because I'm not in such a relationship and don't recall witnessing one irl. I've heard people in NT/NT marriages claim to have a happy marriages yet I've witnessed those same people verbally and emotionally abuse their spouse and/or be abused by their spouse, and also seen them abuse their children and pets, including physically. Obviously that means that I'm taking anyone's claim that they're in a "happy marriage" with a grain of salt. I'm not denying you're in a happy marriage, but I just don't feel in the position to make any judgment of that, so I don't. It's not like it's relevant to me whether NT/NT marriages and NT/AS marriage can or cannot work out, as I'm not in one, and likely never will be (I'm already taken).
Anyway, I'm going to add another one to my list of speculations as to why people don't ask you how you've succeeded in having a long and happy marriage... How about because people aren't interested in arrogant rants? I asked and look at what I got...
Okay... time for me to calm down. Yetti, I think you misunderstood my tone and intentions of certain parts of what I wrote. If you aren't sure how I meant something, would you please just ask instead of rant and attack?
I dunno... I guess I'll leave it at that.
