06-27-2007, 10:48 PM
07-05-2007, 09:00 PM
Senior Day Care... Fortunately Mom had less than two months of it, the very end. Without me in the picture that would have been a fact much sooner.
Deep down inside I do regret not having been there the last three months. I just didn't know how close she was. I tried to ask her and ask her doctor, the doctor wouldn't tell. In retrospect I could have taken Family and Medical Leave Act, perhaps the lease I had was the deciding factor against taking a sabbatical.
No, I never experienced much day care.
Deep down inside I do regret not having been there the last three months. I just didn't know how close she was. I tried to ask her and ask her doctor, the doctor wouldn't tell. In retrospect I could have taken Family and Medical Leave Act, perhaps the lease I had was the deciding factor against taking a sabbatical.
No, I never experienced much day care.
07-06-2007, 12:50 AM
Hello, Yetti. I am age 37, never married, no kids. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to get married.
One way to learn patience is to simply have no alternative.
One way to learn patience is to simply have no alternative.
07-06-2007, 04:22 PM
I am less Asperger than I thought. I was being facetious. You were being literal.
I am the stealth date. I can barely get noticed on any woman's radar, it seems. But because I have attracted two with bipolar and a third receiving benefits for some other disability, I have hypothesized that the difficulty is primarily with NT women, and oppositely, that the neurological minorities seem to find one another. Whether or not it is telepathic or simply because we're much older and single, I don't really know.
I am the stealth date. I can barely get noticed on any woman's radar, it seems. But because I have attracted two with bipolar and a third receiving benefits for some other disability, I have hypothesized that the difficulty is primarily with NT women, and oppositely, that the neurological minorities seem to find one another. Whether or not it is telepathic or simply because we're much older and single, I don't really know.
07-07-2007, 10:03 PM
Yetti Wrote:
Thank God I came to this thread.. we have an unmarried guy telling people that At home parents are basically morons...
I am glad you made it. I was so bother by his comments, but I haven't had the energy to set him straight. 
I am glad you've managed to do so.
07-13-2007, 11:31 PM
I will take this Wikipedia post as sufficient evidence that it is necessary to be neurologically compatible with your mate, either an Aspie or Autie or at least a cousin. I think my past bipolar girlfriends meet the criteria for cousins.
Wikipedia Wrote:
Wikipedia: Autistic Culture
Tendency to marry within the group
Popular misconception has it that autists never marry because they haven't enough social perceptiveness or ability to interact intimately or fulfill the demands of a marriage. In fact, many autists do pursue relationships and commitments. Even those who do not feel the desire to have a sexual relationship might pursue marriage out of a need for companionship. Among those who do not, it is as likely to be through choice as through lack of ability.[citation needed]
There is a tendency for an autistic person to choose an autistic partner, because shared interests and similar personality types are more often found within the group.[citation needed] Multi-generational autistic families are not uncommon. For instance, Paul Collins in Not Even Wrong describes traits in himself and his wife, and in various family members, which might today be described as characteristic of autism. While Collins reports being very happily married, such unions don't always work out; Donna Williams writes extensively in her autobiographies of her brief marriage to an autistic man, and how it did not work out because the "defenses" each of them possessed -- psychological adaptations to having grown up autistic in a non-autistic world -- were detrimental to the other's happiness or autistic needs.
Some autists find non-autistic partners. An example of a marriage of a man with Asperger Syndrome to a non-autistic woman is that of Christopher Slater-Walker in the UK and his wife Gisela.[1].
Tendency to marry within the group
Popular misconception has it that autists never marry because they haven't enough social perceptiveness or ability to interact intimately or fulfill the demands of a marriage. In fact, many autists do pursue relationships and commitments. Even those who do not feel the desire to have a sexual relationship might pursue marriage out of a need for companionship. Among those who do not, it is as likely to be through choice as through lack of ability.[citation needed]
There is a tendency for an autistic person to choose an autistic partner, because shared interests and similar personality types are more often found within the group.[citation needed] Multi-generational autistic families are not uncommon. For instance, Paul Collins in Not Even Wrong describes traits in himself and his wife, and in various family members, which might today be described as characteristic of autism. While Collins reports being very happily married, such unions don't always work out; Donna Williams writes extensively in her autobiographies of her brief marriage to an autistic man, and how it did not work out because the "defenses" each of them possessed -- psychological adaptations to having grown up autistic in a non-autistic world -- were detrimental to the other's happiness or autistic needs.
Some autists find non-autistic partners. An example of a marriage of a man with Asperger Syndrome to a non-autistic woman is that of Christopher Slater-Walker in the UK and his wife Gisela.[1].
07-14-2007, 02:10 AM
Yetti Wrote:
Wikkipedia has lots of errors. and since when are you an expert on marriage?
You're right, I've never been married, but the circumstantial evidence for AS-on-AS in happiest relationships is undeniable.
So, tentatively then I consider AS a handicap in dating in the NT world. As I am an employed professional Aspie, and spend most of my life around NTs, because I identify with NTs from college onward, and on the job and in church, this is going to be a problem.
Maybe just a golf sort of handicap. But then again, the NT women seem to be someplace else, so maybe it really is a big problem.
07-14-2007, 07:53 PM
Not bashing.
In further support of the cousins hypothesis, my first girlfriend shortly after 9/11 told me in no uncertain terms I would get a girlfriend.
She's a "cousin", bipolar. Seems like she appreciates me at full face value.
My most recent girlfriend, even as a simple friend now, she keeps calling for movies out, 20 miles south of where I live. Another bipolar "cousin".
Takes one to know one? Or love one?
Maybe.
In further support of the cousins hypothesis, my first girlfriend shortly after 9/11 told me in no uncertain terms I would get a girlfriend.
She's a "cousin", bipolar. Seems like she appreciates me at full face value.
My most recent girlfriend, even as a simple friend now, she keeps calling for movies out, 20 miles south of where I live. Another bipolar "cousin".
Takes one to know one? Or love one?
Maybe.
07-15-2007, 05:22 AM
Hey, you marrieds, cool down. On a separate tack, my parents were married 39 years before bone cancer got Dad, and Mom lived 6 more years before breast cancer got her.
It can happen, but was hard for them. Two years ago my maternal aunt said when Mom and I saw her in 1993, Mom was having a trial separation, but returned after Dad's cancer diagnosis was firm.
Dad:
1991: Lost all teeth
1993: Multiple myeloma first diagnosed
1995-1996: Hospice
1996: March, comatose, revived, died September 26
Mom:
1987: benign tumor
1994: first surgery
1999: second surgery
2001: chemo
2002: unable to help pay bills by August, put in care facility mid-December
2003: died February 3
My own cancer experience 1997:
January: Swelling, wondered how it kinda looked like the boners in Aerosmith videos
Late February: Painful swelling
March: Proper diagnosis, emergency surgery, one week ordered not to report to work
April: begin radiation
late May: end radiation
June: confirmed eliminated, 95+% cure rate
late June: found new temp job
2004: Final screening with original doctor, advised self checks and counseled by primary care doctor
2007: Still alive and recurrence statistically unlikely, but still check
It can happen, but was hard for them. Two years ago my maternal aunt said when Mom and I saw her in 1993, Mom was having a trial separation, but returned after Dad's cancer diagnosis was firm.
Dad:
1991: Lost all teeth
1993: Multiple myeloma first diagnosed
1995-1996: Hospice
1996: March, comatose, revived, died September 26
Mom:
1987: benign tumor
1994: first surgery
1999: second surgery
2001: chemo
2002: unable to help pay bills by August, put in care facility mid-December
2003: died February 3
My own cancer experience 1997:
January: Swelling, wondered how it kinda looked like the boners in Aerosmith videos
Late February: Painful swelling
March: Proper diagnosis, emergency surgery, one week ordered not to report to work
April: begin radiation
late May: end radiation
June: confirmed eliminated, 95+% cure rate
late June: found new temp job
2004: Final screening with original doctor, advised self checks and counseled by primary care doctor
2007: Still alive and recurrence statistically unlikely, but still check
07-15-2007, 05:26 AM
And I do appreciate your advice Yetti. I can be surprised by things I do not expect to happen, and I have.
My friend from 1989 (separate thread) and her husband dropped in to see me in Huntington over the summer, 1996. It was the last thing I expected them to do.
My friend from 1989 (separate thread) and her husband dropped in to see me in Huntington over the summer, 1996. It was the last thing I expected them to do.
07-15-2007, 05:34 AM
You are right, I cannot say for certain if I never will attract a single NT woman even though I can match them on things such as intelligence, educational level and interests, basic personality, character, employment stability, and income.
It only hasn't happened YET.
I only have one dating manager's opinion and anecdotal evidence from my life and the lives and opinions of others on this board.
I guess it is obvious I studied social science, huh, before the Web design and computer programming?
It only hasn't happened YET.
I only have one dating manager's opinion and anecdotal evidence from my life and the lives and opinions of others on this board.
I guess it is obvious I studied social science, huh, before the Web design and computer programming?
09-04-2007, 05:28 PM
My uncles in southern California call it The ____ Curse all the time. Even their sister said it once after her divorce, before she remarried.
I think the consensus is in California (maybe also my aunt in Florida) that we are dealing with Asperger or something very similar.
I think the consensus is in California (maybe also my aunt in Florida) that we are dealing with Asperger or something very similar.
Yetti Wrote:
We refered to it as the family curse.. majority did well and a minority did not.
09-04-2007, 05:44 PM
ODD? That was in that article the Geek Syndrome, an allusion to Douglas Copeland, "that guy has O-D-D he is odd"
I don't know how well Dad was as a spouse, he seemed to lack as a parent, no rapport building.
I don't know how well Dad was as a spouse, he seemed to lack as a parent, no rapport building.
09-04-2007, 06:01 PM
I am optimistic that if an NT can learn how to push the right romantic buttons for a woman, an Aspergian can learn too.
09-04-2007, 10:19 PM
Max, how much have you read about NT-AS relationships? It would seem to me that we got a lot of biased NTs writing books, right?