I know many aspies who have empathy - but only in circumstances where they themselves have experienced what the other person they are empathizing with is feeling.
This leads me to believe that empathy isn't the problem, it's the slow processing of connecting 2nd hand 'witnessed' experiences to first hand emotions. Once the connection is made, the empathy is there... just as it is in anyone else, and sometimes even MORE.
I am wondering how a lack of empathy affects social interaction, people have said to me that I seem to have no empathy, but since I don't fully understand empathy, I'm not sure whether this is true. I am writing a report about AS (for me) and I would like to know whether anybody has any ideas about this.
Thanks!
It is not a straight forward concept because it is related to relevant experience. You must have empathy otherwise you would not respond to people at all and you wouldn't ask things of others. My own understanding is that people empathise by reflection. If you can see in someone else something you might feel in their situation at the given time then you are empathising with them. This will change with experience.
If you stood in the queue for a bus in the rain with no coat on and were getting cold and wet and someone dressed the same expressed a feeling of being cold and wet and you understood how they felt, that is basic empathy. However, if in the same situation you had a rain coat on because in the past you had been cold and wet in the rain and learnt to always take a coat, it becomes more complex.
You empathise if you think, I feel for that person with no coat on getting cold and wet, however you may not and think, there stupid for not having a coat and you might even say it to them if they complain about it to you.
Empathy should not really affect social interaction if you learn to basically 'fake it'. Fake concern is good enough for most people. You have AS and if you are like me feeling and expressing anything but your true feeling is hard, but not impossible.
I would like to add to that.
Maybe NTs don't need to imagine what it would be like, do they just feel what the other person is feeling without even wanting to? Does just being around another person who's, for example, parent just died, make somebody with empathy also feel like their parent had died?
Sorry for all the questions.
Perhaps, because they are more emotionally interested in other people they will have a kind of knowledge that allows them an insight to those feelings. NTs know that by showing compassion to others that it will in some way provide the person with the comfort and sympathy that empathy brings, they want to make the other person feel better. This is why I think alot of empathy is faked. I also do not fake empathy, but I am aware that if I did social interaction would be easier, although not as truthfull. It is a complex subject. I could really understand the upset for a collegue recently when someone crashed into his car and it was badly damaged because it happened to me once and I know how it feels ( but all I felt was how it feels, not any sympathy for him ), but when people's relatives I know die I don't feel anything because I don't really feel anything for people except my very close family ( Mum and Dad any a couple of uncle's ). I sometimes feel myself that when something bad happens to other people I should keep out of it because I don't feel as I am expected to feel. I can't pretend to feel what other people are feeling unless I have been in the situation recently myself, even then I can't offer them anything to make them feel better.
Bah. Not having much empathy isn't the same thing as not having feelings. What are you supposed to do, anyway? Fake it? What would be the point of that? If people think it's awful that you don't have much empathy, tell them to stuff it.
Bah. Not having much empathy isn't the same thing as not having feelings. What are you supposed to do, anyway? Fake it?
Why not? So far as I can tell, that's what most people do.
My impression is that while Aspies may not feel your pain, we'll do our best to help solve your problem.
Haha, that's a great way to put it! We're not ogres, we're just not "touched" that way.
I know many aspies who have empathy - but only in circumstances where they themselves have experienced what the other person they are empathizing with is feeling.
This leads me to believe that empathy isn't the problem, it's the slow processing of connecting 2nd hand 'witnessed' experiences to first hand emotions. Once the connection is made, the empathy is there... just as it is in anyone else, and sometimes even MORE.
I agree. Abstractly, in an intellectual way, I "know" when certain situations are bad, hurtful, tragic, etc... But I do not emotionally feel any "sensation" when I observe it, unless I have been in that situation directly. Then I can remember my own experience and place it like an overlay on top of the other person. Otherwise, I am honestly just guessing at how they must feel.
Another part of empathy is understanding what might make someone happy. I have a really difficult time knowing the right thing to say that will make people not angry. I also have a difficult time choosing gifts for people that are appropriate. I just would like a giant rule book to consult for every occasion. I get called rude or inconsiderate quite often. Even when I don't mean to be.
This is a big one. I've often been held accountable for social "errors" which I was not aware existed. Knowing how to make someone happy essentially means recognizing something that makes them unhappy, and doing something positive about it. I may not be able to do it well naturally, but if I apply logical thinking, I can usually come up with a good idea that results in a smile. The real trouble is remember to consciously think of it.
Maybe we should set our watches to beep when it's time to make someone smile...
Something I've learned is to make a point of consciously vocalizing positive thoughts and appreciation about people. ASers often have the tendency to unconsciously assume that what they are thinking or know is understood by everyone else too, making saying it out loud or in writing logically redundant. ASers must overcome this "mute" tendency and learn to spontaneously (or faked spontaneity, anyway) express empathic thoughts.