Aspies For Freedom

I joined the family about 6 months ago. My husband's son, has been dx with AS.  I don't know much about it and was wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction so that I may learn how to handle different challenges as they may arise, as well as help my family handle them as well. Our son is an extremely well rounded teenager (14), very high IQ, he just has a hard time articulating his words and expressing his anger.  His dad handles the challenges well but is a bit frustrated with it because of challenges that have arose with our son's  biological mom.
So I would appreciate any info on this subject, that would better our familys views and ways to handle challenges as they arise.
Thank you
Lyn

Welcome to the AFF forums pipefxer!

Many other sources of information have often appeared unreliable, but this forum written by aspies themselves has proved as a good source of information at least for me. Notice that we also have a parents forum.

Thank you for the welcome. I am still learning the site. Not really computer savy at the moment.  Where is the parents forum?

Eh, oops, didn't notice you already posted in the parents forum.

Well, I dont know how helpful I can be, but I am just a year older than your son, 15. The first thing I would say is to insure that you know what he does what he is in certain moods. people with AS still have feelings, just express them differently. This is not to say that we sometimes dont feel the same things. Try to learn to tell when he is upset or happy. I know that when I am upset I tend to debate everything and prove everything wrong. When I am happier I often just fiddle around with words and philosophy. That is something that I personally enjoy, using philosophy and debate and really puzzle people, especially those that try to make fun of me. In the end they are the ones that are made fun of.

My second piece of advice is to find out what are his interests. Try to find out a little bit about them. This is one of the things that my family, more so my mom, could have/can do better. I really like Magic the gathering but they never really have been very supportive. try to understand that he really enjoys his interests and even try to participate with him. I have seen families of magic players and just wish my parents would do the same.

last piece of advice. I know that there are times that I would just rather be alone. Again, recognize when he wants this and adjust.

You probably have already found out, but try to find out more about what was happening before you joined the family.

If you could post a little more about you son that would be useful. I am willing to help in whatever way I can

Welcome to AFF.

Dear Pedro
Thank you for your reply. It is most helpful. When I found out this challenge my son has in his life before I came into the family I read up on it and found out what it was about. I talked to my doctor about it, she is awesome, helping me out about a subject I didnt go in for.
I am usually a very perceptive person, so I went in with a little more insight on it.  I watched his moods and still do.  I am still learning how he handles certian situtaitons.  For as frustrated as he gets sometimes he handles himself quite well.  I am a pretty calm and laid back person and he has said that I make it easy for him to come to me then he has been with anyone else.  His mom is kind of a flake to say the least and she pretty much used it as an excuse for someone to pity her and she never really dealt with it.  that is what his sister and dad say about it. As far as feelingsgo, Aaron is a very laid back, soft speaking young man. he is a bit of a people pleaser and is hard to hear sometimes.  I am trying to help him with speaking up when he does talk.   He defintly feels things.  I try to watch his moods and adjust to them without letting him use the challenge to his own advantage.  When Aaron gets angry he has a hard time venting them, he has hit walls so I have talked to him about the dangers of hurting himself.  He has pushed his sister a few times and I have told him of the dangers in that as well.  He handles discpline fairly well.  I am a pretty strict parent, but he know that if he does what is asked of him, doing his homework feed and water the dogs and take out the trash, then he gets to do whatever he wants to do.
Aaron is a negotiator. Boy is he.  He cracks me up sometimes.
As far as his interest, he likes to play the gutiar and do video games on the pc and x box, now i try and limit the games, but I try not to over exgrate it.  He likes to listen to music a lot . NIN is his favorite band, so when something comes up that has to do with the band we usually let him join in on the acitvities.  He plays the gutiar a lot so we got him a bass and an amp for it.  He is self teaching and he is great at it.  i compliment him on it all the time.
I am big on giving praise. he likes to help out around the house so when there is something that needs to be done I try and let him to it even though I am capable of doing it, cause I know it makes him feel good. Now I dont know much about music and cant hold a tune if would save my life but i sit and listen to him talk about it and listen to him play it.  I have even asked him if he would like to play a song at our wedding cermony if he thought he was ready.  he was excited about that.  I try and get into things with him. He likes to wrestle so i go to all his matches and he likes football so i will go to his games this season.  We try and go out to lunch once in a while just him and I.
I am looking into taking some classes that deal with his challenge just so that i am a little more informed on how to help him out when frustrations gets to much and how to deal with any feelings that he might be having or antcipate them.  I am always up to reading and learning more about everything so any info you can give would be great.
as far a what was going on in the household before I came I have found that out, it wasnt good, the mom is a total flake. long story.  but i have heard it from his sister and from the dad, so I am helping him deal with that and with what is going onwith him now concering his mom.
I usually can tell when he wants to be a lone cause sometimes i like to be alone.
Well Pedro, I will close for now cause I am sure that i have repeated myself a few times. sleep deprivation does that to ya.  Hope all is well with you and yours and i look forward to hearing form you.  by the way where are you from?
Lyn

I am originally from Puerto Rico, but I moved to Boise, Idaho, US when I was 1-2 in like 1992-3. Like I said, I am fifteen now. Some of the stuff that you posted does sound a bit like me or vice versa probably. Although I think I have good parents, I still would like if they had the same enthusiasm for learning about AS and how to help that you do. In the respect about being quiet and kind of pleasing, I am like that. I am very withdrawn in school due to my past experiences at that school (am switching at the end of year). I am also quiet at school. The time where I get the most outgoing is when I play Magic the Gathering, my "obsession" with my friends, which are somewhere from 2-7 years older than me. At parties that my parents often hold, I rarely-not often come out of my room, but when I do, I am able to talk to all of the adults about what they are talking about. Aaron also does something that I do, not speak up very loud. I often do this or people dont understand what I am saying. I have gotten a little bit better about it, but still, it is not something that I am good at. I also sometimes have a hard time hearing/understanding what other people are saying. THis is most apparent when I drive with my parents, becuase I have a permit. I get annoyed when they say things like slow down when I see the red light/stop sign, and am already slowing down/planning to enough, when I always stop before the lines, and my mom basicly just runs over them by about 1-8 ft. I always thinking, just let me drive. I have problems when my dad drives because he uses his hands to show me what to do, and I cant interpret what he means, and it often just distracts me from the road.

When I get angry/annoyed, I ussually either go to my room and do other stuff, just quiet down and do something else, or get very debative and prove everything wrong and eventually no one will talk and there will be silence. SO either way, I am left to myself. I hardly ever though express anger violently.

As far as interests go (video games), your approach seems good. On his guitar, like you are doing, just let him go for it. I wish my parents woudl be the same way with my interests, but nothing is ever perfect. About the praise, that is something that my parents are TERRIBLE at. When i do things, they dont even seem to notice so I dont really see any change in their attitude and it discourages me from doing it again. When I feed the dog and do the trash, instead of saying good job and giving constructive comments, they criticize it like I never did it.

Hope that I helped and can continue to help

I hear you on the sleep deprivation