Aspies For Freedom

LOL!

Seriously, humanoid asks a good question!
(and welcome to AFF)

I went through most of my life knowing nothing about Asperger's.  I was born in '50, so it pretty much didn't exist as a conceptual category I would encounter until I was in my 40s.  In my 30s, I had a friend from an AIDS support group tell me that I was somewhat similar to some of the autistics she worked with therapeutically (she was a mental health professional who was living with someone with AIDS). And then, in the late 90s I had a colleague tell me his son had been diagnosed with AS and.....he says....."he's a lot like you."  So...I searched around, and there wasn't a whole lot of info, but based on what I found, I had a "holy geez" reaction. So....what were these two people seeing?  At the time they made their respective comments, I just filed the information in my "gee, that's interesting" mental folder...my mind was on other things. So I don't know what they based their observation on.  

Of course, now I've started looking around, because I'm interested in the same questions that humanoid is asking. My guess, based on what so many people have written here, is that there's no clear-cut answer to what distinguishes aspies from atypical NTs. It might be more obvious when people are younger (like kids or early 20s). When I was a kid, some of the tip-off signs would have been: never looking at people, not recognizing people (I still have that problem), literalizing language--not getting jokes, sarcasm, irony (I still often have that problem also), not wanting to play games like "house" with other girls, spending hours at a time on jigsaw puzzles, not understanding the social "rules" --- stuff like that.

As a adult, as long as you're reasonably functional, I think that there's a broader spectrum of what's considered acceptable behavior.  And, it helps to find a niche in which your particular set of behaviors is acceptable.  E.g. I'm in a nerdy science environment now--works better for me than, say, selling cosmetics at Nordstrom's would.  

I haven't done the people-classification that your boyfriend describes. My approach is more like "throw spaghetti (ideas) against the wall and see what (who) it sticks to".

I tend to do this people-classification too and am starting to see that some people I've known a while could be Aspie.

I'm sure in my aspie-spotting pursuits I'm missing a lot of aspies; but there's one "type" of aspie I can spot easily.
The thing I notice is something very unusual about the way the person holds themself; it's a little stiff, a little- off.  But always subtly different in different people.  Then also, when they walk, there's a tendency to have a slightly bouncing/gliding stride, as if they're not-quite-floating an inch off the ground.
I didn't think I have this trait, but my bf can see it too and he says I do.

people in gengal are draw to those who are simlar or are the total oppisite of themselves.

The aspie bounce--I love it!

Dunno if I still bounce.
Anyone have trouble learning to skip or keeping step in a marching band?

Yes, I was hopeless and skipping and not much better at keeping time when marching.

In my opinion, the difference lies with certain quirks. Specifically, how a person handles change, whether or not they're vulnerable to sensory hyperstimulation and specific sorts of inappropriate behaviour. Some NTs may dislike social interaction but they can handle it free from faux pas or saying inappropriate things (at least, no more than is human) - unless of course they're being knowingly rude. Aspies, however, will say all sorts of socially inappropriate things (and do so very frequently), whilst totally oblivious to the effect it may have on people.

How they were in childhood is also very telling. Plenty of Aspies have adapted to the social aspects of AS by adulthood (at least, adapted enough that they are not obviously awkward; they may even be able to engage in small talk and enjoy social interaction). So, think back to how they were as kids, or ask those who knew the person as a child. Were they the "loner" - whether they liked it or not? Were their reactions to things people said or did often unexpected? Did they avoid their peers or prefer the company of older kids? That kind of thing.

I'm good and fairly comfortable in a social environment these days, although I'm still something of the maverick (in the words of my friends) in whatever "group" I'm in, jumping from person to person in a social setting and pretty much existing as though I am in my own world within a bigger world. As a kid, I took it to ridiculous proportions. I'd sit in the corner playing by myself or reading, and by the time I wanted to socialise... everyone had formed their little cliques and I was the loner. Furthermore, I put kids off - it was as though I set out to deliberately antagonise the other children (although I didn't).

Just out of curiousity, what are "classically ADD speech patterns" as defined by your friend?

I used to walk very oddly for a while when I was younger.  It came to be a boiling point when I was in 10th grade and I was walking very oddly (but didn't know it) and some kid insulted me.  I was so bothered by that, that somehow I "decided" to copy how other more social people walked.

And guess what.. it worked.  There's a gait of confidence that the Alpha-Males have, which makes nobody even look at them twice.  I copied a modified version of it (so I wouldn't look too confident) and then, less people messed with me.

I dunno.. I mean if this isn't Aspie-like, I don't know what is.  I mean... learning how to walk in TENTH GRADE???

I used to do that when I was younger, quite frequently.  Somebody would ask for my opinion on something and I would just say what I thought without second guessing it, and sometimes people laughed or looked at me oddly, and I didn't know why.

But this was 100% corrected by about 10th or 11th grade.  I think I was becoming aware that I wasn't "connecting" properly with others at that point in time, and I withdrew into myself until I figured out how I could use "hyperanalysis" to say the right thing.  Copying what other people say, in certain situations, is a big part of that technique.

Now I'm so analytical that I almost never say the wrong thing.  But this is misleading because people (therapists esp.) can't see Asperger's, because I appear intelligent and in many ways, well-spoken.  However, I think this skill of hyper-analysis is necessary for many Aspies, probably something that most learn to do anyway.

Yes to everything there.  Although as I said above, I did eventually correct the tendency to say things out of context.

I've had this all my life, especially with my last therapist.  Basically, it's like this:

"If you can talk and think and write the way you do, why can't you do the everyday things that everyone else does, like it's the back of their hand?  Don't you want to do those things?  You know what--you're just extremely immature.  You're just leeching off everyone like a little kid.  You suck."

I get that "vibe" from a lot of people these days, and it's killing me.

Oh yes, I've had that kind of thing too. People say "you're so smart so why do you do such stupid things sometimes" or "there's nothing wrong with you so you should just be able to do it". Grrr.

Batman55 wrote:
I dunno.. I mean if this isn't Aspie-like, I don't know what is.  I mean... learning how to walk in TENTH GRADE???

Hey, at least you pulled it off. "The Bounce" was the big tip-off for me. I had no clue why I did it, just that I was mocked for it all through school. I tried to change, but I never got it. I got okay with the walk and just about everything else with myself when I started learning about AS. Frank on Autistic Advocacy writes about unlearning the autistic walk, and now feeling like a phony when he does it.

Once I realized people thought I was bit odd for my walking style, or made fun of me for it (that was the tipping point), I just decided I would stop "bouncing" like that.

Actually it was more of a fast walk that looked funny, than a bounce, probably.  But by 10th grade I should have known that kids just don't do that, and you're liable to be called names if you do.

I soon just copied what other kids did with walking, and that was quite easy.  Copy the rest of 'em, and they can't single you out anymore.

I used to copy the way NT's interact between them. During my high school period I socialized so much time and copied so many things that I were capable of look like a normal person. Or at least I thought so, because when I got to know what were my friend's opinions about me I realised that I were considered a weird guy. A lonely weird Spock like guy with a weird sense of humor; very intelligent, but lazy. A person obsessed with computer, specially operative systems. A little arrogant. The guy who, in the religion class, used to have that funny - for them - talk with the teacher about the absurd of the religion.

Currently I'm in the university. I don't speak with anyone except with some aspies - at least I think they are, because I haven't ask.

I think that you cannot tell if someone is an aspie without taking some time to know him, looking how he interacts with the people - that's the key, I think.