Does anyone else get annoyed at this common piece of lousy advice? Yeah, you'll make friends, if you just act naturally, be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, blah blah blah.... Oh, everyone still hates you? Just be yourself even more. :roll:
oh yes, Dreamer, I'm sure we've all had a lot of that in our time, unforunately.
No matter what we do we can't "fit in" with NTs.
I think you can learn how to get on with them enough to avoid conflict, but that cosy feeling of fitting in will always elude you.
Might as well try making a hamster fit in with a shoal of jellyfish. A different order of being.
That's why we're in here, and they're everywhere else! :idea:
Stella
When we first set up AFF one thing Wolfy said straight away was "no patronising advice" of that type. Also other gems are "when you feel depressed, go for a long walk", and "if you are worried about something, just forget about it"!
Anything equivalent to "just try some gum" is REALLY bad advice! After observing my peers, I have realized it is VERY ADDICTIVE! Why else would they chew it like they do?
Even though their gum addiction and snobbing got chewing gum banned from my team, there still is that whole other team to still tease about it in that crude way!
Neurotypicals.
Back on topic. I enjoy being myself, so nobody has to give me that advice. Most NTs I know don't be themselves, but a copy of somebody in the "in" crowd (?) instead. Since this "in" crowd I speak of probably started that whole teasing spree, I don't like them, nor trust them, nor socialize with them (although I usually don't socialize with any peers).
:!: Mich :?:
But why *wouldn't* you be yourself?
I figure if someone doesn't want to be my friend because I'm 'weird', that's *THEIR* loss, not mine.
Greetings,
You have to admit it would be interesting. Just imagine the reaction in one of those posh cafes that sell overpriced coffee when you run into the wall at high speed or start stabbing yourself in the head with a pen :twisted:
Huh? What does that have to do with the topic at hand?
Some of my antics are a bit less extreme, I do little annoyign things like tapping my fingertips or knuckles against things, of pacing, or spinning in a chair, and I can keep doing it for a long time... it really drives the NTs crazy after a few short minutes. Good for hours of fun.
It was intended as a humourous example. I dont expect anyone would be quite that bad.
Right. Every time I dare be myself, I will never hear the end of it. Because it seems that not just my behaviour is considered inappropriate, it seems I am inappropriate. :cry:
To a certain extent, it makes perfect sense for aspies. Pretending to be someone else is such tedious, and frequently arduous, work that it's just not worth it most of the time. I only refrain from being myself when being myself is likely to result in physical abuse, which is a much less common situation now that I'm out of HS. Plus, even if you manage to cook up a fake persona that does fool people, which is no mean feat if your social skills are subpar, if you ever drop that persona you're not likely to be trusted, and at the very least you're obligated to start from scratch. So, while "be yourself and everyone will love you" is a steaming load, from an energy-efficient perspective being oneself is just good sense for us, n'est-ce pas?
Being yourself is hard sometimes, when you don't know what "yourself" really is.
omg .....I said that to someone in the chat room just last night. oops.
Really sorry guys! Its just that I figure if someone knows you are AS and understands what AS is , and what that means then you "being yourself" with them should be ok. For what it is worth pretty much everyone I've met at this site is great. I'm learning a ton from you all and am most appreciative of it... and as a future course of action I'll abstain from ever telling an aspie to "just be who they are".
Can I add though that I think I alot of aspies let NT's do a real head trip on them. Not that I don't understand .... it is kind of like sticking a lone black person in the middle of an all white population. (or visa versa). As an alternate culture you end up sticking out like a sore thumb.
mom of hrick
I guess "not yourself" is when you put an effort into your behavior.
Nah, they just use their instincts.